The Beginning Of After
by Serenity Marie Jared
Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, and I'm four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen. She had to go through a lot of problems after that. This is her story.
1. Chapter 1

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter One: Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman**

_Disclaimer: If my non-existent fairy-godmother were to grant me a wish, I wouldn't be wishing for Prince Charming. I'd be wishing for Edward Cullen. _

_Bella_

Usually, the beginning of after proves to be the easiest time, the period whereby everything seems to flow into place, solidly fixing.

I fail to agree.

"Mommy . . ." my little daughter crooned in her sleep, curling herself onto my lap. I chuckled and kissed her forehead tenderly, adoringly. Never mind the fact that I was only seventeen. So much had happened over these past four years.

"I can see why you want to keep her, Bells. She's such an angel." My Dad, Police Chief Swan, grinned from the rear-view mirror.

"She's my baby, dad," I smiled back at him, "forever and always."

Dad grunted and pulled away from my gaze. "We're here," he said rather gruffly. "Go wake Ness up, Bells. She might not be able to get anymore sleep later."

"Sure." I nodded and looked down at my sleeping baby girl.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty, we're here at your Grandpa's place." I murmured, pressing my lips against her chocolate curls. Vanessa stirred, clutching at my neck only tighter.

I laughed again. "Sweets, you'll have to get up or I'll never make you that hot chocolate I promised."

"Chocolate?" my little girl sniffled, her eyes blinking open in sudden alertness. I smiled at her eager expression and her high soprano voice. That was one of the many perks I loved about her.

"Yes, baby." I nodded and hugged her tighter to me.

"Um, Bells? I think I need some help. Your old man isn't as fit as he was back in the days." Dad called out from the cruiser's trunk. I leaned in towards my daughter and whispered, "Looks like it's time for Grandpa to hit the Gym, right?"

Ness only laughed and nuzzled my nose with hers affectionately. I grinned again, because this was why I'd wanted to keep her in the first place.

Don't get me wrong, Vanessa _is _my own flesh and blood.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I need your help, and if you don't get your butt–"

"Dad," I scolded, chastising him. "There are young ears flapping!"

"Sorry, sorry." I heard him apologize. Vanessa–being the little angel that she was–looked up blankly at me, her chocolate brown eyes twinkling.

"Mommy, Grandpa said _butt._" She giggled.

I couldn't help but laugh as well. My daughter was adorable like that.

As gently as I could, I opened up the door of the cruiser and got out, carrying Ness in my arms. She buried her face in my neck as I looked around, taking in our surroundings. Ah, good old Forks. It looked the same like in those pictures Mom had.

_Mom . . . _

I swallowed a huge lump in my throat.

My own mother had died not too long ago, back in September. It was December now, just after Christmas. It snowed here, and Vanessa found it intriguing. She squirmed to get out of my embrace, eager to play with the white stuff.

Back in Florida, my baby didn't get to see this often. In fact, this would be her first time experiencing snow.

"Mommy, Mommy! Look, snow!" she gasped, jumping around the mounds of snow, making imprints.

She bent down to play with the snow, making those pathetic snow balls she'd seen people do in the TV. Vanessa was always eager to try anything, and she giggled again when she made her first snow ball.

My daughter then stood up straight, dropping the now forgotten snow ball and gazed evenly at the sky. It was snowing, albeit lightly, and she seemed fascinated by the icicles perched on the tree near Dad's house.

"Bells? Care to help here?" my father grunted, and I turned to smile at him. Ness and I only had one duffel bag each, or in my daughter's case, one teeny, tiny duplicate of a normal duffel bag.

"It's not even five kilograms, Dad. You must really have gotten soft over the years." I teased him, taking my bag from him.

Vanessa and I barely had clothes. But with the money Mom had left us, the first thing I planned to do was to get her more clothes. She'd been wearing that same winter-jacket for more than two years now. It would kill me if she had to wear it for another two more.

"Baby, come over here and help Grandpa with your bag, sweetie." I called out to my daughter, who was a giggly pile of mush in the middle of a snow mound.

I was starting to get worried. What if she got a cold because of it?

"Okay!" she sang and stood up valiantly, running over to her grandfather and picking one side of the handle. My father smiled down at his lovable grandchild as he ruffled her hair and tugged her along to his house–and my former home.

Being in Forks seemed like a distant memory to me. According to my mother, she'd left my Dad–and Forks–when I was only three years old.

I could remember the cold, the bitter rain, but I couldn't remember how attached my father was to this town. It was one of the downfalls to his marriage with my mother.

Taking a trip down memory lane was not advisable for me at the moment. I didn't come back to Forks for forgotten memories, pushed all the way back inside my mind. I came here for a new start with my daughter.

Florida meant a mere nothing to me. Not when both of my parents there were dead. Mom and her new husband, Phil–I refused to call him my 'dad'–had died in a car accident.

I gulped. _Careful, Bella, don't go there, _I reminded myself. Steeling my guts, I trudged forward into Dad's home, listening to his banter with my daughter.

She and my father had yet to totally bond. Dad never knew much about Vanessa, in fact, her hardly knew her until a week ago, when I'd contacted him to ask if it was okay for me to move into Forks with my daughter.

He had flipped out when I'd said 'my daughter.'

But in the end, my father got 'round to it. He didn't want anything happening to his granddaughter. Neither did I for that matter.

I headed up the stairs and into my bedroom, refusing to look at the living room and the wall on which the staircase seemed to be leaning against. There were pictures–painful, unbidden pictures that I didn't want to see–that were placed there.

Pictures of my mother and him had been placed in an uncoordinated manner. I couldn't allow myself to see them. The pain of remembering was just too much for me to handle.

As I walked in through my old door, I glanced at my former room. It looked exactly the same like I remembered it, the colors, how the bed's headboard was leaning against the left wall. There were even innocent, childlike drawings on the right wall.

But on the wall opposite where I was opened a window, and when I turned around, there was another set of windows staring at me. I realized that this was something I had not remembered.

It wasn't the fact that I had two set of windows in my room that startled me. It was the absolutely stunning and irrevocable view of the woods that came from both of them.

On the south window, it pictured the sun setting over a vast amount of trees, causing a somewhat green and yellow light which splayed across my room, the orbs in the dream-catcher on the other window sparkled.

Rainbows danced on the right wall, beautiful colors merging into one, and others mixing in with the drawings, so you couldn't tell whether or not they were part of the art.

"It's pretty," I heard my daughter sing from behind me, under my legs, as she ran around me to climb onto the new but somewhat small bed. Nevertheless, it was still too big for her, so she had to scramble onto it.

I smiled at my daughter's playfulness as she hid under the thick quilt.

This was another thing I was glad she inherited from me.

Vanessa looked nothing like the monster that was her father. She was the spitting image of me. She looked exactly like I did, and for that, I was grateful. No one would recognize her as that monster's daughter. She could be free to be whoever she wanted to be.

"Where can my Ness be?" I said in a sing-song voice. I heard a pealing of bells and grinned at the sound. From behind me, my father was chuckling as well.

"Adorable," I heard him say.

And he was right. My daughter _is _adorable.

"Come out, Ness. Come out, come out wherever you are!" I continued, slowly making my way towards the tiny pile underneath the covers of my bed.

"No!" she enthused. I smiled and ripped the quilt away, revealing my baby's tiny body. Her brown eyes blinked up once, and she started laughing.

It was like music to my ears.

I proceeded to attack her with tickles. I knew she loved those. She had a certain ticklish spot near her waist. I'd proudly say that I had found out about it whilst giving her a bath when she was just two.

Speaking of baths, I think it's time for my daughter to take a nice, warm shower.

"Dad, could you please pass the towel from her bag?" I asked my father breathlessly, turning up to meet his smiling face. He still held my daughter's bag, the action making it seem like he was holding a ticking bomb.

My dad never knew how to treat little children. But with Vanessa around, I was sure he would do his best to understand.

"Sure, here Bells." He told me and unzipped the bag. He pulled out one huge towel and a fuzzy pink bathrobe with the initials V written on the back. It was Mom's third birthday present to Vanessa, who'd loved and cherished the bathrobe so much that she couldn't bear to wear it often, in case the pretty color would fade away.

"Thanks," I told him, and gently placed my still giggling toddler back onto the bed. Even though Ness was already four, I still thought of her as a toddler, mostly due to the fact that she was really tiny for her age.

And also because when she was really excited, she spoke in a babyish tone.

"Come here baby," I cooed to my daughter, holding my arms out, "let's get you a bath, okay?"

Ness nodded eagerly before running up to my arms. I swung her up with ease–being a mom at such an early age had some benefits, like somehow managing to become bionic–and carried her out to the bathroom.

My head was doing me in ever since the flight started. There really was no explanation for it. What with the fat, noisy man who sat beside me snoring loudly into my ear, and the nosy stewardess who kept checking in on me and Ness every five minutes, I couldn't get any sleep at all.

Unlike my hyper-active baby, who'd done nothing but sleep the sleep of the dead.

"Mommy, can I use your shampoo?" my baby asked, her eyes blinking up at me innocently as I reached for the bubble soap.

"Of course, honey." I kissed her wet hair and she laughed, splashing the water at me. I smiled fondly once again. Ness had always been a water-baby. She loved the feeling of the water gliding against her skin. One time, she even pretended to be a mermaid!

It wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to become a swimmer one day.

After Ness was done in the shower and I'd gotten her dressed, I made sure Dad could entertain her with her teddy-bear and storybooks. I myself needed a shower, and normally I'd do it with Vanessa.

Today, though, was different. I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

But that would be hardly possible, because Vanessa always clouded every thought of mine. Even at this age, I was dealing with the same thoughts every parent had. Was she feeding enough? Was she sleeping enough? Was she learning enough? Was she eating the right food enough? Was my love for her enough?

Was anything I ever did for her _enough? _

These past four years, I liked to say that I've grown supremely mature. I didn't have a choice. A child usually meant for people to start growing up and be responsible.

My only wish for my daughter, albeit secretively, was for her to be happy. She'd constantly tell me she loved me, but if she knew the truth of how she was born, I knew it wouldn't be a pretty picture.

Despite her young age and childlike demeanor, my daughter was intuitive and perceptive. She had the thinking of an adult, only it was shadowed by her actions.

It was another thing she'd inherited from me. Or, so they say.

As I stared at my naked self in the full-body mirror in Dad's bathroom, I couldn't help but look down at my flat stomach, where there was a faint scar. It was from Ness's birth. I was too young to have a normal delivery, which could have possibly prevented me from producing anymore babies.

So the doctors did a C section on me. They knocked me out and did the procedure.

It was over within twelve hours.

I traced the scar, feeling the slight raising of the bump. It felt like it was all a distant memory, like my pregnancy with my daughter was all just a fading dream.

And yet I held reality in my arms.

One hot stab of fear caused me to shiver. Draping my own bathrobe over me, I leaned against the bathtub and took one deep breath. _Hush now, Bella. Don't let Vanessa see you like this, _I chided myself.

If there was one thing that killed my daughter, it was seeing me get freaked out or cry. She hated it whenever she saw me in those vulnerable positions. That's why I never wanted to tell her about the reason why she was born in the first place.

"Mommy, are you done yet?" my daughter said from behind the bathroom door. "I'm coming baby. Mommy's just finishing." I reassured her.

Taking another glance at the mirror, I took one more breath before forcing out a smile.

"Mommy, Grandpa's starting to have breathing problems." She said once more, and there was concern evident in her high-pitched voice.

"I'm coming, baby." I told her once again, and pulled the door open, only wearing my plain white bathrobe.

Truth be told, my father _did _look like he was having breathing problems. But it wasn't in the wrong sense. He was practically _dying _of laughter.

Oh, god, _dying._

"What did she do, Dad?" I asked my father, bending down to pick my daughter up and carried her in my arms.

"She was –" he panted. "Talking about teddy-bears –" he took another deep breath. "Dominating the world!" he finished, bursting out into laughter once more.

"Did she now?" I laughed and hugged Ness closer to me.

"Mommy," she giggled. "Don't laugh at me."

"Aw, but you're just too cute baby." I twisted her around to tickle her. She laughed freely and then squirmed, indicating that she wanted to be put down. So I let her loose and pushed both of my daughter and father out the door. I needed to get changed.

I wore a Jacksonville High baggy sweatshirt with matching sweatpants. After I'd unfurled my hair from the towel, I headed downstairs towards the smell of pizza.

Ness was babbling aimlessly to my father, who looked completely out of place. He looked over her shoulder and gave me a frown. I winked back at him before grabbing the tiny pan. I searched in the fridge for milk, and maybe some chocolate bars. I was making hot chocolate the traditional way.

"Dad, do you want some too?" I asked my father, pulling my head out of the fridge, carrying all the ingredients I needed. It was enough to make drinks for three.

"Yeah, sure, thanks Bells." He answered, and he was playing with my daughter's dolls. She pretended to be the superhero, saving the damsel in distress.

It was rare for Ness to experience company other than me, my Mom, and Phil. Other than that, she was pretty lonely. That was one of the reasons why I decided to move here; for my daughter to gain a more interactive life, to make her more sociable. She didn't deserve to be shut out.

"All right, drinks up!" I called and turned around to place the cups on the kitchen counter. I barely took a look at all the pictures that lined the wall against it.

"Mm," Vanessa sighed in contentment as she drank from her icy-blue plastic cup. Dad and I shared a long look before looking away.

It wasn't like me to just hide things like my daughter from my own father. He knew that, and so did I. And yet I refused to tell him the full story of how Ness came to be. She was here, and that was all that mattered.

"Dad, are you free tomorrow?" I found myself suddenly asking my father. He looked mildly surprised before nodding, unsure.

"Of course I am. It's a Saturday."

"Then can you take care of Ness for tomorrow? I need to enroll myself in the high school here. And I need to find a job." I looked down and traced the outline of my cup. It was silent for awhile.

I knew Vanessa had no idea what was going on, because in the next moment, she said in a soft and pained voice, "Mommy, you're leaving me?"

Panic and hurt shook my heart, causing me to snap up and look into my daughter's beautiful brown eyes. Only she could be the only living human to breathe life into the clichéd saying of 'eyes that twinkle.'

"No!" I said, denying, the protest loud and desperate in my ears. "I will never do that!"

Vanessa looked from me to her grandfather, and then she said, "Then why are you leaving me with Grandpa? Did I do something wrong, Mommy?"

At times like this, I forget that my daughter is only four years old.

"No, baby, come here," I whispered, urging for her to climb on my lap. She complied, peeling herself away from Dad's hug. "Mommy just needs to get herself a place at school, and then she needs to find a job, so she can support you."

I enunciated every word, every syllable, so that she could understand. And she did. My smart little four year- old nodded seriously. "Okay."

Smiling, I kissed her forehead. "I love you Ness, now finish up your hot chocolate. It's almost time for your bedtime."

"I love you too, Mommy. More than my own life." Her hand reached up to touch the golden, heart-shaped locket that contained a picture of me and her, with the inscription written in French: _plus que ma propre vie_. It was her birthday present from me this year. Although I was repressed with money, I'd crammed it all just to get her that gorgeous locket.

"Am I really forgotten?" Dad asked, bewildered, his voice surpassing some emotions.

I looked up to give my Dad a tiny grin, "No not really. But thank you Dad. For letting Vanessa and I stay here. I don't know where else we would have gone without you."

"Thank you Grandpa!" Vanessa echoed.

Dad laughed and reached across the counter to ruffle Ness's hair. "You are very welcome, Ness. And you too, Bells. This was the most that I could do for you."

And then he grimaced, remembering.

I forced back another lump in my throat. _Remember your focus, Bella. Do not forget it. _

Finally, after I'd fed Ness the veggie pizzas Dad had gotten for us–Ness wasn't much of a meat-lover. She was still at the phase where she hated people killing animals–I'd helped to clear the dishes, placing them gingerly in the dishwasher.

I wondered idly when my father had gotten it. From what I heard, Dad was more of a fan for the traditional ways. Instead of a machine doing all the work, he preferred to do it himself.

But, tiredly, I let it go. Too much had happened today. It was time for me to get some much needed rest before I faced the difficulties tomorrow.

"Mommy," Vanessa said sleepily as I tucked her in beside me. I was supposed to be sleeping in the living room, on Dad's old recliner. Actually, he wanted to give me his room, but I declined. I thought it was better for Ness to sleep on her own now, but she'd gotten edgy and she didn't want to sleep in my room all alone. She'd been too used to having me beside her all the time. "Can you sing me to sleep?"

It wasn't like my daughter to ask me things. She was like me, utterly selfless, always compassionate, so she rarely got the chance to speak for herself.

And who am I to deny her?

So I held her tighter to me, humming out a tune from one of the songs I'd heard on the radio. It wasn't complete, because I hardly knew what I was singing as well. But it did not matter, for my baby had already been lulled to sleep.

I gently kissed her forehead once more, telling her that I loved her, before I allowed myself to fall into my bitter dreams, ones that I can never escape from.

The morning found my daughter all dressed up in her children's pants and pink t-shirt. She wore her parka over it, probably due to the fact that it was still snowing. I found myself shivering slightly.

Even though I was wearing another shirt beneath Dad's old, long-sleeved jersey, I found it difficult to repress the cold. Forks had its perks, but not all of them were suitable for a sun-loving person like me.

"Be good and listen to Grandpa, okay baby? When Mommy gets back, she's going to cook you some tomato soup, and maybe even give you another cup of hot chocolate. Is that good?" I asked my little Vanessa, who was puffing out breaths in the cold winter air. She grinned at how visible they were.

Since I was already bending down, all my daughter had to do was to lean forward and wrap her tiny arms around my neck. I hugged her closer for a second. This would be the first time in months that I've left her alone for any period of time.

Vanessa whispered, "Yes, Mommy. I won't get into trouble for you. Grandpa said he was going to take me out to his work. He said he was going to show me around today."

I grinned. It was just like my Dad to want to show his granddaughter off to the world. He cherished all of his family, no matter how brief he knew them. That was why he became the Chief of Police here in the first place.

"Now Mommy wishes she can stay behind," I grumbled to Ness. She giggled, her arms tightening around my neck. I felt her lips at my hair when she replied, "Then stay, Mommy."

I sighed.

"Maybe next time," I amended, pulling away to give my daughter one last kiss on her forehead.

"Bye-bye, Mommy!" she giggled and ran up into her grandfather's waiting arms. He swung her up, carried her on his shoulders, and gave out a startled gasp.

"My god, Bella, she sure as hell –"

I gulped. "Dad, there's no need for cursing."

"Sorry," he apologized, before continuing, "but Vanessa needs some proper food. Even you look like you're going to fall out of starvation soon. You're all skin and bones, Bells. I think you need some time off taking care of Ness."

"I'm okay Dad. I don't need any time off. Besides, she needs me."

"We'll talk about this later. In the meantime, I have to head off to the station." He grunted, shifting Vanessa on his shoulders. "What time are you coming home?"

"Gee, I don't know. This whole enrollment plus job-hunting thing might take hours. I'm worried I'll only be back by night, at most." Sighing, I looked up at the dark sky. Snowflakes still floated down, and I wondered, if you saw Forks from an outer-space perspective, would it be like seeing the inside of a snow-globe?

I didn't know the answer to that, so I said my farewell to my father and daughter as I hopped into Dad's cruiser. He was getting a ride from another police-officer. Someone named Harry Clearwater, I think.

Either way, I was grateful that I didn't have to walk to Forks High School. Once I got my first pay here, after setting aside fifty percent of it for Ness's first school year, I'd get myself a car. I wouldn't mind if it was old and battered, if didn't work most of the time. At least I would have a car.

Finding the high school was fairly easy. Like many other stores and buildings in Forks, you could find Forks High School just off the highway.

But as I parked in the student's lot, incredulously eyeing the sign, I wondered why on Earth did it look so different? The crest was there, the usual symbol and wordings: _Home of the Spartans _engraved onto the neon sign board.

Where were the metal detectors, the barbed fences? A lone security guard sat in front of a mini-building, with a sign written on top of it. 'Cafeteria,' it read.

I began to worry as I looked around. The buildings were all like tiny houses, except it had only one floor. Tiny blocks that stretched all around me in a messy circle. Numbers were written in black bold on each building, but they did not make any sense.

Why, in the right world, would building one end up beside building four?

Something was really weird with this place.

Since this was not to be helped, I got out of the cruiser and headed towards the building with the words, 'Main Office' scrawled on top in graffiti.

I got into the so called office, noticing that it didn't look like an office at all. Instead of the normal metal chairs and tables, it looked completely cozy, like you were in a stranger's comfortable living room instead of the place where you'd expect the Principal's Office to be.

A woman with graying hair sat behind one wooden desk, directly in front of me. She'd tried to hide the fact that she knew I was here, because she was focusing so hard on the blank piece of paper that laid untouched towards her left.

"Excuse me?" I cleared my throat, standing over her desk and trying not to look out of place.

"Oh, hello dear, I didn't see you there." The woman, whose nameplate read 'Ms. Cope,' looked up in feigned innocence.

Yeah, right. And I'm a talking Chihuahua.

"No, it's all right," I said, interjecting sincerity in my tone. After all, it _was _my first day here. "I just came in here to enroll in this school? I'm Isabella Swan."

"Oh, right! Of course! You're the Chief's daughter, right?" Ms. Cope pretended to look surprised. I really hated it when people acted this way, doing faux expressions on their faces just to attract attention.

"Yes, I am," I answered. I did not have to be a mind-reader to know her thoughts. She was probably wondering why I sounded so formal and stiff.

"Good, good. All that you have to do is to hand in your documents and papers from your previous schools. And then you'll be ready to go!"

I nodded stiffly. How I wish that I could be done with this. I wanted to be with Vanessa. I was already missing her.

After I'd given Ms. Cope the proper documents and papers needed, she'd given me a schedule–apparently, they'd already taken care of it the minute they heard that I was moving here. New people happened very rarely here in Forks.

I was wished a very good afternoon and a belated Merry Christmas by Ms. Cope, who looked properly happy that Forks' population had increased by one more. Or, secretly, it had increased by _two _more. Next Monday would be the official start of my year here in FHS. Until then, I had one more day of Winter Break left. One more day of freedom with my daughter left.

The horrid case of Forks was that this town was a massive, gossip-filled town. I dared not mention my Ness in front of anyone, otherwise I'd be damned. My daughter should not be subjected to the heated stares and disapproving expressions that were once showered upon us, upon _me._

But who was I to let what people thought of me and my daughter? I made my decision, and I was going to stick to it, no matter what the consequences were.

When I first had Vanessa, I made a secret pact within myself to create a better life for her. I would do everything–anything–just to keep her happy. She became the utmost important person in my life, and there was simply nothing that could compare to her.

And to think that I was only thirteen back then.

I shook my head discreetly, causing several people in the diner I was currently in to look at me. After the ordeal in FHS, I'd read through the local newspapers that this particular diner needed a server girl, no matter if she was going to work part-time or not.

This was the perfect opportunity.

They'd stated that they were going to allow work through the night, since this was a twenty-four hour diner. I could have school by day, work by night. And I could probably cram in some studying time.

But even so, what about my daughter? I would have too little time spent with her.

Perhaps I could have a word with the manager. Hopefully, he could understand my situation. I wouldn't want Child Services knocking through my door again.

_Bella! _My inner-voice reproached me.

Gulping once more, I walked past the cashier towards the door that clearly claimed to be the office. I took a deep breath before knocking.

"Come in!" a deep voice called out.

And come in I did.

A man who looked to be about in his mid-forties sat behind an office desk overflowing with papers. He had kind, black eyes that seemed slightly too large for his old, wizened face. His straight nose and taut jaw and russet skin all indicated that he was native-American.

"What can I do for you, Miss?" he asked once more in his deep bass. Somehow, it reminded me of the way the Monster's voice sounded like. But instead of frightening me to bits, it soothed my ragged mind, calming my tense body.

"I came here looking for a job, sir." My stiff shoulders were definitely much lighter now. Confidence radiated throughout me, almost like a second glow to my skin.

"Ah, that would be the serving job, am I correct?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded.

"I have to give it to you kid, you've got manners." He gave me a warm grin, of which I _had _to return. I hardly ever smiled that way in front of other people, except for my daughter and father.

"My name's Billy Black. And this is the Lodge." The man introduced himself, his palm offered for a handshake.

I nodded one more time before shaking it, "Bella."

His kind eyes froze, before tightening. I immediately took my hand out of his hold. And then he burst out laughing, "_Bella? _Really! It's been such a long time! The last time I've seen you, you only came up to my waist! And I'm on a flipping wheelchair!"

I felt as though I was staring into blank space. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Oh, come on! Surely you remember me? Uncle Billy, remember? God, you've gotten older, and prettier!"

"Um, thanks?"

Billy laughed and rolled away from his desk to my side. "You must be confused. Your Dad and I are great friends. You used to visit my family in the reservation when you were younger and your mom–ah, well, never mind."

"Now I remember," I pretended, even though I spared his family a bare thought. Like I had said, I didn't come here for a trip down memory lane.

"So what brings you here sweetheart?" he asked, eyes boring. If Charlie and him were great friends, surely he'd have known about my situation?

"A new start," I replied, looking down.

"Oh. Well, do you really want this job then?"

"Yes, sir, I _need _it."

"Hmm, can I take a look at your applications? Have you had any experience with this?" Billy was all about business now. _That's more like it. _

"Indeed, sir. I was a cashier for a certain branch of Wall-Mart back in Florida for nearly two years, so I would know how deal with people from all ages, of different well-beings, and completely different backgrounds. I would know how to help a customer with their choices, be it between a burger and lasagna. I would also know how to approach them and be sociable."

Okay, perhaps the last part was a lie. I was barely sociable towards people nowadays.

"Wow, kid. That's . . . impressive." Billy Black hesitated and I looked up to meet his questioning gaze.

"How long do you wish to work? I imagine that, since you have school and everything, you'll be working the night shift? But it usually ends at five o'clock in the morning."

"Uh, could I ask a favor, sir?"

"Sure."

"I have a daughter, sir." I finally confessed, staring seriously into his black eyes, which widened with realization and shock. But I continued on. "And I intend to spend time with her, but I need to work for her benefit. She's starting school next year –"

"But that would mean –"

"Yes, I had her when I was thirteen."

A deadly silence enveloped us. How stupid could I be? Why did I just reveal to Billy Black about Vanessa? Why could I not keep my mouth shut?

"All right, then. We'll see what we can do," he finally breathed, though he looked indefinite. Suddenly, he looked determined. "What do you say about working from five till two a.m. in the morning?"

He's serious isn't he? He has got to be serious!

Not even my work at Wall-Mart was this good!

"It's –" I took a deep breath, spluttering. "It's brilliant, sir! When do I start?"

Billy looked up, thinking, "Monday? How do you feel about that? And you get weekends free. My friend, Sue, she can babysit your daughter for you. She'd love it. All her kids are grown-up now, anyway. Her son, Seth, is probably your age. He studies at Forks High."

And that, was the best news I'd ever received in such a long, long time.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Well, there you have it! The first chapter of TBOA! I hope you liked the start, because I had fun writing this. If you want to know more about why Bella and Vanessa moved to Forks in the first place, you'd have to continue reading this! But that would mean reviews, though. So if this chapter gets one or two reviews, I'd be happy enough to continue on. _

_This story came to me while I was watching Sixteen and Pregnant. Not exactly in the sense whereby Bella was stupid enough to get knocked up at thirteen, but because she was raped. I know this is a very sensitive topic, and I wanted to write it because of a tragic incident with one of my own friends. We should do everything we can to prevent these kind of events from happening; unwanted pregnancies, the dilemma faced by the girl and the tragic loss of one's virtue. _

_I really care for this story, I swear I do. So please, please tell me if you'd want me to continue it. Because I sure as hell do. _

_Okay, I'm done ranting. If Twilight just so happens to be your addiction, hey, feel free to leave a review. =) _

_-Serenity AKA Serene. _


	2. Distractions

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Two: Distractions**

_Disclaimer: Twilight and Edward, unfortunately, will never belong to me. _

_Bella_

It was finally Monday, the dreaded day of my first day of school here in Forks.

Winter Break was officially over, and with it, it closed several memories along with bringing a new chapter into me and my daughter's lives. Before I had moved here –and before I'd contacted my father –I spent New Year's stuck at my Mom's former home in Florida.

Ness and I had watched the fireworks go up from near the beaches, and my baby had laughed at the colorful display of showers, amazed at the lightings. She'd enjoyed it, and had no clue that celebrating the New Year's was not only about watching the fireworks. There was so much to that particular holiday, and I was hoping that perhaps next year, my daughter could experience a more enjoyable New Year's Eve.

"Mommy," my daughter slurred in her sleep as I leaned in to kiss her forehead and tuck in the duvet around her tiny body, "Where you going?"

"I'm just going to school, baby. Go back to sleep. Ms. Clearwater will wake you up later. I love you, baby." I wrapped my arms around my daughter's little head before letting her go.

"I love you too, Mommy," she replied, even though she was half-asleep.

Walking away from her, I felt as though I was ripping away a part of myself. I had been attached to her for so long, always fighting, always staying by her side, and leaving her now –even for just _hours –_hurt me.

I was going to catch a ride to FHS with Seth Clearwater, son of the woman who was going to babysit Ness for free. Sue had taken one look at Ness's sleeping face earlier this morning, and was immediately taken by her.

My daughter will grow up to be such an influential person one day.

I grabbed a slice of toast before moving over to my Dad as he sat down on the dining table. He had his head hidden behind the newspapers, drinking some coffee of which I'd made.

Seth Clearwater, a boy with russet colored skin just like Billy Blacks,' whose hazel-like eyes were kind and sweet, sat on his left, jiggling his keys.

"Morning!" he greeted me cheerily. I only managed a stiff smile at him, though it came out as a grimace.

Seth frowned before he stopped jiggling his keys. He looked down at the table in displeasure, his eyelashes casting long shadows on his young face.

I wouldn't exactly say that he was handsome. Seth looked like your normal, average football player, complete with the jersey and shorts. But there was a strange glow to him, something that assured me he was not like all the other boys I've experienced in my life so far.

He was a testament to the boys of our age. He seemed good enough, kind enough, and completely trustworthy. The fact that he wasn't asking me why I had a four year old girl in my house was proof enough that he deserved more credit that I was giving him.

It was either that, or he was just completely clueless.

And yet I could barely trust myself to open up to him that easily. After what happened four years ago. . .

_No, Bella. Do _not _finish that thought! _I warned myself.

I took another bite of the toasted bread before laying it down on the table. After finishing the glass of milk, I looked up to meet Seth Clearwater's questioning gaze.

"Is that all you're ever going to eat?" he asked, eyes alight with curiosity and shock. I bit my lip, contemplating whether or not to tell him to butt out. This was none of his business. So what if I ate very little?

"Seth's right, Bells. You should eat more." My dad grunted, shoving aside the newspapers. Sue was looking over Seth's shoulder at me, disapprovingly eyeing my empty hands.

Dad's look reminded me of the talk he had with me on Saturday night.

"_Bells," he had whispered as he watched me tuck in my sleeping daughter. "You need to start living." _

"_But I _am _living Dad. It's not like I'm dead." I had replied, looking haughtily at him. I was starting to dislike having someone constantly watching my back, always waiting to see what I would do. I'd had enough of that from my days in Florida. There was no need for it to begin all over again here in Forks. _

_Dad coughed. "Bella, look at yourself. You've been taking care of Ness for so long that you've forgotten to take care of _yourself. _When was the last time you acted your age?" _

"_I don't need to act my age, Dad. My daughter needs me to be a responsible adult, and that is who I'm going to be. I've made my decision on it, Dad." _

"_For Christ's sake," he cursed, "you don't even act like a seventeen year old! I feel like _I'm _the kid here. Where's the old Bella I knew? Where's the girl who played with Barbie dolls and was so eager to do her own freaking make-up?" _

_I was quiet. My father did not need to know the truth. _

_And then Dad continued, "Whoever the asshole is, I'm going to hunt him down and murder him. Ness is part of his responsibility too." _

_I swallowed. If only he knew that the Monster was far from being the hunted. In fact, the Monster was _the _hunter. _

"_Dad," I began, lowering my voice so that my daughter wouldn't –couldn't –hear. "There's nothing to say. I promise I _will _try to act . . . slightly less frosty. It's just that I've hardly been around people these days." _

"_Okay. I'll hold you to that." _

I winced, flinching away from the memory. My father was right. I hardly recognized the girl that stared back at me in the mirror every morning.

So I grabbed the toast and took another bite out of it, watching as my father relaxed his stiff pose. Seth was glancing worriedly at me and him, eyeing my slightly trembling hands. I forced them to stop.

"Uh, you done?" he asked me when I'd finished half of my toast. It felt ultimately different to feel this full. The last time I ate this much was during my birthday, and heaven knows I was not willing to go back to it.

I nodded at the gangly teen. I found it weird, too, as I thought of him as a teenager. Was I not one myself?

Perhaps it's the drive of being pushed to the limit that made me feel older. Or maybe I had just been down Insanity road much longer than I was needed to be.

"O-kay," Seth drawled out the 'O,' exaggerating it. "Then let's head of for school!"

Seth owned a white Prius, which looked like any other car would look like. I was just glad that I could distinctively make out the brands of the cars. I couldn't wait for my own. Even though I did not own a car, I had taken driving lessons and gotten myself a driver's license.

I just had to find the time to use it.

The drive to FHS was quiet, mostly because I did not want to spend any time talking to Seth, who filled the silence with music. Hardly recognizing the soft jazz number in the background, I remembered Dad's words to start living my life a little.

"So . . ." I trailed off, looking wonderingly at Seth.

"So." He grinned, glancing at me. I was seated on the passenger's seat.

"Are you and your mom the only people in your family?" I inquired, fumbling with my hands. I kept my eyes down as Seth stiffened automatically. _Wrong question you should be asking, Bella! _My insides screamed at me, fanning the accusation into my face.

"No. We have my older sister Leah, but she's studying in a community college back in Hoquiam. And then there's my Dad, but he died a year ago." Seth answered wistfully, though his voice did harden infinitely.

I did not offer my condolences. I knew that it would mean nothing to him, because the meaningless words spoken to me by several other people during my Mom and Phil's funeral were all fake, spoken words that had no hidden meaning.

"You know, you're probably the only person who hasn't said 'I'm sorry,' or whatever. I don't know whether to be pissed or to be glad." He teased, once more risking a glance at me.

"My Mom died last September." I said rather stiffly, my throat immediately closing up, and my face held no more emotions.

He was quiet, contemplating. "I'd say 'I'm sorry,' but I know that won't mean anything."

I finally grinned, because that was what I was hoping for. "Thank you."

Seth only shrugged before squinting through the rain. "So what brings you here to Forks?" he asked in a carefree voice, completely recovering from the frosty tone he'd used on me earlier.

Finding it hard to open my mouth, I merely looked out the window beside me.

"Well, then. Keep it to yourself, Ice Queen. I'm just trying to be friendly." He huffed. Was that . . . anger? He hid it well, but I'd heard it enough to know the mere stiffening of his tone, the way a voice would raise over the last word.

I must have been such a wicked person to make him go through this. Seth did nothing wrong.

"Sorry," I whispered, quietly now, "I just . . . it's been a long time since I've actually been around people, you know? It gets pretty harsh on me sometimes. I've inherited shyness from my Dad."

He was quiet too, his mouth pursed as he pondered over that.

"Okay you're forgiven." He breathed, and I found out that we were already here in the student's lot, parked into the very corner of it. So he knew that I must not want attention. Seth really _has _been more perceptive that I've thought. He really did deserve some credit.

"You have your schedule, right?" he asked me, giving me a shaky but warm smile. It was genuine, so I smiled back, allowing myself to relax my stiff shoulders. I really did need to be more open, just not _that _open.

"Yes, here," I showed it to him, and he mulled it over. He grinned, eyes lighting up. "Cool. You'll be safe with me for the whole day. Apparently, they've given you the exact copy of my own schedule. Here, let's head over to English first."

Wow.

"Oh, um, thanks." I nodded and moved to get out of the Prius. As I got out, though, several people turned around to stare at me, their mouths slack. They were probably wondering why there was a new girl.

Unlike most of the adults here, the younger people were not aware of my transferring.

For that, I was grateful. That meant they did not know about Vanessa yet. And I was going to keep it that way.

"_By the pricking of my thumbs . . ." _I heard Seth murmur, looking around and gaping at the scene spread out across from the two of us. The teenagers' faces all mixed together, and I found it confusing.

I could not tell which one was which.

Not even the mere quoting from _Macbeth _had me distracted.

I was in for a long, long day.

* * *

><p>It was finally lunch, and I'd had to dart around school like how a demented bat from hell would. People asked me questions I could not understand, some worth listening to, others completely irrelevant. I did not like the way the boys stared at me, especially a particular person named Michael 'Mike' Newton.<p>

The glances were nauseating. I have not felt this much horror in my whole life yet.

Thankfully, Seth understood me. He stuck with me throughout the whole time I tried to get away from the attention. He was a good . . . friend, I suppose. And we were starting to get along.

I also found out that Seth had a girlfriend. Her name was Tanya, and she was the picture of an angel. Unlike most of the conceited girls I've encountered, Tanya was beautiful yet humble. She spoke only when necessary.

How Seth fell in love with her was not a mystery. She was completely comfortable to be around with, and even I could find myself warming up to her.

Seth and Tanya sat at the outskirts of the cafeteria. When I asked them about it, they all but laughed it off.

"Bella, trust me. Sitting anywhere near the middle is like being in a warzone. You should see the Skinny Squad wreck mayhem –"

I interrupted her, "Skinny Squad?"

"Oh, right. That's Tans' way of calling the cheerleading bimbos." Seth interjected. And then both Seth and Tanya leaned in, whispering conspiratorially, "They sleep with everyone and anyone. All of them have at least cheated on each other's boyfriends _thrice._"

"That must be . . . malicious. Are they doing it all for attention, popularity?" That was just . . . wrong.

Tanya looked at me in a way that contemplated my mind. I blushed and looked down. Sometimes, the words I say are uncontrollable. I didn't mean to say them, and I certainly hope that Tanya was not a big fan of keeping up reputations.

Because I knew what it was like to have mine crash and burn.

"Um, Bella . . ." Tanya began nervously. "Are you sure you're seventeen?"

Seth burst out laughing before he affectionately draped his arm over Tanya's shoulder. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, stifling his laughter, and I looked away.

There is nothing more gut-wrenching than watching the public displays of affection by loving couples like Seth and Tanya. I hold no grudge for them, of course. But I couldn't bear to see things like this any longer.

My dead heart, once vibrant and buzzing, ached with past memories.

"Man, Tans, you always manage to get me to crack up!" Seth crowed. I distinctively heard a rather loud _whack _as Tanya hit the back of her boyfriend's head.

"Shut up, shut up you idiot! You're going to attract attention!"

But it was too late.

The cafeteria crowd stared at us –or rather, _me –_as I kept my head down and played with my sandwich. I did not dare eat it, thinking that maybe Ness might like it. It seemed nice, and from the one bite I'd taken, it _was _nice.

I sipped on my Coke discreetly, giving Seth the evil eye. He grinned sheepishly. Then his smile vanished.

His eyes trained on my back, I felt a rush of prickle going up my neck, which meant that someone was coming up from behind me. I gulped down the Coke as calmly as I could.

_Whoever it is, surely you can handle it, _my inner voice encouraged.

_What if this person knows about Vanessa? _Another part of me challenged.

Shaking my head mentally, I turned to look at the oncoming person.

The girl, with straight, blonde hair and long nose had evil eyes –eyes that faintly resembled the eyes of the Monster –and hourglass-like body, sauntered crookedly towards us. With a jolt of shock, I realized that she was trying to be _seductive. _

The Monster would have loved to lay his hands on someone like her. I knew it. But I didn't want to think it.

As she strolled casually, lazily, towards us, I noticed that she was flanked by a couple of girls as well as boys. The first girl towards her right has wildly curly brown hair that seemed impossible to tame. Her eyes were a concerned brown, holding no fury but only innocence, as she looked back to the other girls.

There was another blonde girl on the group that closely resembled Tanya. She was not exactly the spitting image of my newfound friend, but they had the same wavy blonde hair, light brown eyes, and perfect lips.

Actually, there were two more blondes. One was a girl, who looked exceedingly, dizzyingly gorgeous –only the word 'goddess' could describe her. And the other was a boy, who looked equally handsome. They too, closely resembled each other.

Beside the blond boy was a small, pixie-like girl. She was beautiful, of course, but her beauty was overshadowed by curiosity and fear. This girl only had eyes for the blonde boy. She had hair as black as night, and I found that there was another boy who shared the same hair color as she did.

The boy was built to be burly, whether intended or not. He had beefy arms, just like the ones professional wrestlers had. He wore a tight shirt, emphasizing all of his muscles, and his black, curly hair was cut into a crew cut.

He was holding hands with the utterly gorgeous blonde girl.

The last boy, the one who trailed behind, had his ears stuck with an earpiece. He had amazing, soft-looking tousled bronze hair. The kind that perked your interest and made you want to touch it to confirm your suspicions whether or not it was soft.

This boy was lanky, and as tall as the two other boys present in this group. But unlike the two of them, his contortions were perfect. He did not lack in the muscle department and yet he didn't have too much of it either.

But it wasn't his straight nose, the perfect shape of his lips –which seemed to be mouthing a song –or his pale skin that caught my attention.

It was his brilliant green eyes, which, even though half-closed and barely attentive, sparkled and glowed with his soul. They seemed intense, so full of life, that I felt myself asking a singular question in my head.

_Who _is _he? _

"Hey, you're, like, the new girl, right?" They were all behind me, the leading blonde speaking in an annoying, nasal-like voice that made me want to cover my ears. I turned my attention back to her.

She spoke in a fake, high pitch voice. What was it with girls these days that made them want to speak in that sense? It was truly clawing at my ear hearing them use that type of voice all the time.

"Yes," I answered evenly, staring straight into her icy blue eyes, unafraid.

In spite of my standing up to her, a tiny voice inside of me whispered to flinch back, to avoid any contact with _anybody _as possible.

Risking a glance at Seth and Tanya, who looked worriedly at me, I saw them smile, encouraging me. I was grateful that at this moment, I had two people who had my back.

The annoying blonde girl placed her hand on my chair, demanding my attention.

"So, I just want to, like, introduce myself. I'm Lauren Mallory, and these are my peeps." She gestured grandly, proudly, at the crowd behind her.

Most of them had certain looks of disdain when she had called them 'my peeps.' I did not miss it and I had to bite back the sudden rush of amusement. The bronze-haired boy wasn't even paying attention. His focus was all on the music playing in his ears.

I went back to Lauren, who was glaring at me impatiently. I nodded once, looking unsure, and bit my lip to keep from her annoyed expression. "This is the part where you're supposed to say your name."

"Oh. I'm Bella." I had barely kept myself from chuckling out loud. This interaction with girls like her only confirmed my belief: beauty only ran skin deep.

Lauren Mallory looked from me, to Tanya, then to Seth. I didn't miss the look of seduction she gave him. Though, it did look more like her lips were twitching uncontrollably rather than her pouting.

Tanya didn't miss it either.

"If you're done terrorizing my boyfriend, Mallory, could you just leave us alone? Seth was only being loud. And I'm sure he's sorry for disrupting your _peace._" Tanya drawled out the last word in sarcasm.

The other blonde, the one who looked like Tanya, glared at her. "Shut up, sister. Lauren was so not talking to you."

"Yeah, I kind of understood that part, sis. But I wasn't talking to _you _either."

Tanya's hasty retort earned her an appreciative nod from two of the boys. Their gaze ran over her, and they smiled at each other. "Burn," I heard the black-haired one murmur.

All of this was happening in the background, for I was once again transfixed by the boy who looked more like a Greek god. He still had his earpiece stuck inside his ears, but his attention was no longer on them.

It was on me.

His green eyes were gloriously intense as they bored into mine. I could see a million images in them, and they seemed to light up and burn with fire. I felt an unfamiliar blush rushing up my cheeks.

_No, no, no, Bella! You've been through this! No! _A part of me screamed.

That's when I remembered.

_No. _

I tore my gaze painstakingly away from the bronze haired boy, unable to risk it anymore. He may be good looking, but I wasn't looking for any love-interest or mere flings. I don't need a boy beside me.

All I needed was to finish up my years in high school, apply for a scholarship to a university, and run away from everything with my daughter by my side.

That was what I'm after for.

I could not afford distractions. Vanessa needed me.

"-so, Bella, I was thinking, like, maybe you'd want to sit over at _our _table? We wouldn't mind a new addition." Lauren spoke to me. I barely glanced up at her, before I went back to picking my sandwich.

Oh, well. There really was no point. If I brought it back home, it would only be stale and cold. I don't think Vanessa would like it by then. Better to bring her some candies instead.

"No, thank you, Lauren," I mumbled. "But I'm perfectly fine sitting here with Tanya and Seth."

The blonde girl was silent. I could feel the heat of her glare on the top of my head. "Whatever. Don't say that I didn't offer, bitch."

And then she walked away, leaving me confused and utterly furious at what she'd just called me. Not that I wasn't called that before, but hearing it from her mouth made me just want to slap her.

Normally, I was not a very violent person.

But this little interaction with this girl challenged that resolve.

From behind me, I could hear Seth and Tanya laughing harmoniously. After receiving one more hateful glare from Tanya's so-called 'sister,' and several warm smiles from the rest of her 'peeps,' I reluctantly turned to the bronze-haired boy.

He was still looking intensely at me. But he had his earpiece out. He was smiling a crooked smile that somehow took my breath away. My palms turned sweaty and my heart hammered as I blushed.

Instead of returning the smile, I turned away.

Seth was the first one to clear the silence. "So! That went well, didn't it?"

I could hear Tanya sigh as I glanced at the bronze haired boy's retreating back. He seemed to be joking around with the tall, black-haired guy and the other blonde boy.

Wondering to myself, I thought of how no guy I ever saw had that strange tinge of color on his hair. Was it dyed? I couldn't possibly know the answer, but at that moment, my cell-phone started to ring.

I eyed the caller ID. It was an unknown number, and, hesitantly, I picked it up.

"Mommy?" my daughter's soprano voice rang out with desperation. I could only imagine the way her brown eyes would be brimming with tears. My heart ached, making me realize that I really missed her, even though it wasn't even a full school day yet.

As I cleared my throat, I looked over to Seth and Tanya, who were wrapped up in their own little world. Quietly, as reassuring as I could sound, I whispered, "Baby, why are you calling Mommy? Did something happen?"

"No! You left me, Mommy! I thought you said you won't leave me!" Vanessa cried, sobbing into the phone. I heard Sue Clearwater's tired voice soothing my daughter on the other line.

"I didn't, baby! I didn't!" I whisper-yelled, "you know I won't do that! I told you, remember, that I was going to school! Mommy has to go to school, now, baby. I can't always be by your side. Besides, Ms. Clearwater is there with you."

Vanessa sniffled, and my heart broke. "I miss you Mommy. When are you going to come home?"

I bit my lip, closing my eyes as I tried to contain the misery. The hole of which my daughter had left rippled, signaling the familiar aching burn in my chest, somehow forcing me to hiss out my words.

"Soon, baby, soon."

My daughter was very well known for jumping the gun. Ever since Mom died, I barely got to go to school, even though September was the month of the start of school from summer.

She was paranoid I'd leave her ever since Mom died. She thought I was going to leave her like how Mom and Phil did. I'd stuck by my daughter, working a full shift at Wall-Mart, whilst doing home-schooling.

But eventually, it wasn't enough.

I had to move on to Forks.

And this time, I wasn't going back to school for social stability or friends. I was going to finish high school for Vanessa.

As I snapped my phone shut and turned to Tanya and Seth, who eyed me speculatively, I realized that they might have been listening in.

_See what I mean, Bella? That's why it's dangerous for you to have friends! You are putting Vanessa into danger just by _talking _to them! Are you that selfish? _

I didn't like the words screaming inside of my head, but nonetheless, they were true.

"So you have a boyfriend back in Florida, or what?" Tanya asked, her light brown eyes lighting up in wonder. I didn't answer, for the sake of keeping my daughter's identity a secret.

Her boyfriend, thankfully, saved me. "Let's not dwell into things that Bella doesn't want to talk about, yeah?"

It was uncomfortably quiet after that, but the bell rang, indicating for me to head off into AP Bio. I was looking forward to it. After reading part of the textbook that was required for me to purchase, I was ultimately intrigued.

The syllabus here was different than from the one in Florida. I found Biology and English much more interesting here in Forks. They were more hands-on, and that gave me the opportunity to showcase my ability.

I loved English. Not so much for the language, but I simply enjoyed the thrill of writing. To me, the greatest turn-on would be if a boy would be as interested into the classics as I was. _Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, Hamlet, _everything that was either Bronte or Shakespeare would find me shaking in my boots.

Writing was like an escape for me. I could pour out all my emotions on that single piece of paper, I could joyfully jot down every thought, every single image portrayed in my mind I could turn it into words.

Long ago, before I had Vanessa, I once dreamed of becoming a writer. At first I wrote nonessential plots, but two years ago, on a rare stormy night, after celebrating my daughter's second year into her hopefully vast life, I pulled out a box and examined my old work.

Needless to say, I found myself improving on the plots, and pretty soon, I found myself writing mysteries, romance, and other assorted storylines.

Sad to say, I never finished them.

Walking into the AP Biology room with Seth by my side to guide me –he was right. All of his classes were the exact mirror or mine –I felt a rush of electricity run up the back of my neck.

I looked around.

And lo and behold, the enigmatic bronze-haired boy sat at the back of the class, slouching, burying his head in the folds of his arms situated on the long table. Only his wondrous hair was visible, and so were his ears.

He was still listening to music.

The boy did not seem to notice my presence in the class. But I was all right with that. I did not need him as further distraction.

Seth seethed from beside me. "Shit. I think you have no choice but to sit beside Cullen, Bella. I'm so sorry."

I blinked up at the tall, native-American boy, whose hazelnut eyes were full of apologies. "Sorry? Why are you sorry?"

"Edward Cullen can be one strange dude, Bella. He hardly ever listens to anyone besides his little group of _friends,_" he stressed out the word, "and he's always busy with that iPod of his. He'll just ignore you, Bella."

"Well then. I think that's what I want for now," I mumbled, before patting his hand unwillingly. This gesture seemed alien to me. It was as if this was my first time making contact with another person.

Seth only stared at me. "Are you sure? No one ever hears him speak, Bella. Do you want to switch places?"

But I shook my head, thinking back to the name of the magnetic bronze-haired boy. _Edward Cullen. _What an odd, fitting name for someone so enticing.

"Okay, but don't blame me if he starts shutting you out." Seth joked, a teasing light to his voice, as he bumped my hip. This action caused me to stumble a little in my already clumsy footsteps.

Seth took a seat from across the room. His eyes watched me and I passed Edward Cullen to take a seat beside him. He did not look up, but instead, he stiffened.

Turning his head towards me, with the bronze mess still half-hidden in his arms while he laid his head contentedly on the table, this boy smiled gingerly.

And, because I knew when people were being fake, I knew that this was a genuine smile, one that seemed to warm my insides. The normal, pessimistic voices that rang in my head were completely tuned out.

His imperfect smile only added to his extremely handsome face. I found that I couldn't grin back, my face set in a stiff mask that bore no emotions.

But as I sat there, watching Edward Cullen smile at me, why was my heart pounding in my chest? Why were my hands wringing around each other, an indication that I was nervous? Why was I biting my bottom lip?

And most of all; why was I _blushing? _

"Hello," his voice said sweetly, mesmerizingly, and I watched the fluid movement of his lips.

I understood why no one had heard him before.

But I was sure that, if someone _had _heard him, they would never be able to forget the smooth, rich velvet voice that simply soothed my eardrums, which had been filled with constant chatter all day.

It was like the voice of an angel; an innocent, undeterred angel.

His voice was a deep contrast to Seth's gravelly voice. Where Seth's had been rough, Edward's had been smooth.

And I loved hearing Edward's voice. I wanted to hear it again.

Softly, I mumbled a hello right back at this wondrous boy. His green eyes held me, hypnotizing me, as they sparkled uncontrollably with an unknown emotion. He spoke nothing, but his eyes held everything. It was as if he was looking at the world differently, and I was given the privilege to view it with him.

However, Edward's intense eyes were cut off from mine the minute the teacher walked in, carrying loads of equipments in his full arms. A helpful boy, one of whom I recognize as one of the boys in Mike's group, helped him.

Edward Cullen spoke no more after that.

But the electricity buzzing through the miniscule space between us shouted volumes.

What _is _this? Why am I feeling this way towards a boy I barely even knew? Why could I not just play it safe and keep my head down?

Why must I risk getting hurt once more?

The questions were swirling around my head like how the planets would orbit around the Sun –slow, and annoyingly cohesive with one another.

As the teacher spoke on about placenta AKA flatworms, I did not pay attention. Even though I planned to appreciate the fact that he did not acknowledge my existence here in FHS, I could not bring myself to listen to his lectures.

Seth was right.

I needed to trade seats with him.

Thankfully, the agonizing minutes of sitting next to Edward Cullen passed by quickly. The ache to see my daughter was harsh. All I had now was Gym, and that too, I could easily tune out.

The dull bell rang two times, snapping Mr. Banner –the name of the teacher –out of his lecture. He sighed, but warned us that he would continue with it tomorrow. Itching to get out of my seat, I packed my book bag hastily.

I got up in an eager rush to put as much space as possible between me and Edward Cullen.

But, as usual, luck was not on my side.

My right foot tangled up with the leg of my chair, causing me to trip over Edward. If he would not catch me, we will both end up on the floor in a certain compromising position.

And he did. Catch me, that is.

He caught me in his arms, letting out a wicked set of low chuckles, as he righted me. His long, pale fingers glided on my shoulders, resting there, and I was forced to look up into his amazing green eyes. They dance amusedly, lighting up.

"Easy there, Clumsy," he murmured, the low, velvety deep rumbling of his voice entranced me, "or you might end up hurting someone other than yourself."

If this was the Edward Cullen that Seth had painted, then he got the painting so wrong. He said that Edward wasn't verbal, but the fact that this Greek god stood here in front of me, with his hands splayed across the tops of my arms –and speaking to me, nonetheless –was a major contradiction.

"S-sorry," I blushed, pulling away from his grip. His hands left a buzzing on my arms, making me wish for more.

Suddenly, the pessimists in my head rang alight again. _Bella! What do you think you're doing? Stop acting like a sexually frustrated teenager and grow up! _My conscience screamed through my clouded brain.

I jolted. It was right.

Maneuvering away from his excruciating gaze, I stumbled past him, making my way over to Seth, who was comparing notes with another girl with mousy brown hair. She wore spectacles, and she was tall.

Someone's gentle hands pulled on my elbow, forcing me to look back. Edward's marvelous green eyes bored so deeply into mine, I wondered what he was seeing.

But he was a stranger. And as I recall, I was not fool enough to talk to strangers.

Sad, bitter memories broke through the surface, and they gave me the strength to pull away from his grasp, no matter how gentle it was. His eyes widened with shock, apparently stung that I had pulled away.

He spoke first, breaking the ice. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Please . . . just –just stay away from me."

And with that, I broke whatever connection I shared with Edward Cullen. His green eyes, once so open, became cold. I shivered with indecision, before he reached past me to grab his own bag. Still locked in our gaze, he slung it over his shoulder.

Then he whispered, "You're beautiful, you know?"

His green eyes danced with sadness, highlighting indescribable golden flecks in them. He looked like he was burning in pain, and I didn't understand why this hurt or mattered to me.

_Your daughter, Bella, remember Vanessa, _the tiny voice within me urged. My focus snapped back as Edward Cullen ripped his eyes from mine. His arm bumped my side, sending whispers of electricity shooting down my shoulder, past my elbow, and onto the very tips of my fingers.

"Hey, you ready?" Seth's gravelly voice asked from behind me.

Turning robotically towards him, I could only nod my head mechanically. We walked to Gym together, him talking about the lecture, and me repeating Edward's whispered words.

* * *

><p>"Mommy!" my daughter screamed with delight as she ran down the stairs, flying straight into my outstretched arms. Seth had gone to drop Tanya off at her place, which was why this was safe.<p>

Sue was at the top of the staircase, grinning down at my little reunion with Vanessa.

"Baby, baby, baby," I cooed to her, kissing her hair and holding her tighter to me. She laughed sweetly, her little arms holding onto my neck tightly.

She began to jump up and down. It meant that she wanted to be carried.

Although Ness was already four and perfectly capable of walking, she still wanted to be carried around. Who am I to contest to that when my daughter weighed so little and was still the size of a three year old?

"Mommy, I missed you!" she declared into my neck as I carried her into the kitchen. I placed her on the counter, making sure she was safe sitting there, and smiled at her.

"I've missed you too, honey. Now, did you eat lunch yet?"

Ness shook her head adoringly. As she opened her mouth to speak, Sue intervened. "She wanted to wait for you, Bella."

I looked over to Sue and gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you, Sue, for taking care of Vanessa. I _really _should pay you. "

But Seth's mother only _tsk_ed at me. "No, there's no need. You deserve all the help you can get, Bella. And besides, I really do miss being a mother to a young child. You can't imagine how it feels like when your own children stops looking at you like you're the Sun in their life."

Gaping, I asked her, "Is that what Seth does to you?"

"Oh, yes! Ever since he's turned thirteen, he has stopped giving me kisses on the cheek every night before he goes to bed, and don't even mention the 'I love you-s.' I can't get him to say that at least once a year now."

Sue was tapping her foot in an annoyed manner before she went to lean beside Ness. "So that's why you should take advantage of your child's naivety for as long as you can. Because once it's gone, you can never have it back."

I looked back at my daughter, "Will you do that to Mommy, baby? Will you still say 'I love you' to me even when you're older?"

My daughter blinked back at me, as if it was the worst she had ever heard.

"Yes! I love you, Mommy, forever and ever and ever and ever!"

And then I burst into laughter, the first time I ever really got to loosen up, and gave my daughter a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Indeed, Vanessa was worth fighting for.

And the least I could do was to bypass the distractions, which meant bypassing Edward Cullen.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Wow! Thanks for all the positive reviews that came rushing in! I wasn't expecting eight reviews on the first chapter, in fact, I thought I'd only garner two or three. So thank you, thank you, thank you all so much for all the encouragement that you guys brought along, what with all the hype about continuing the story. And don't worry, I _will _continue the story. _

_But I was thinking, do you guys want this story to be in Bella's point of view all the way, or should I add in Edward's views as well? Or maybe I could create a companion to this, like this story could be all in Bella's point of view and then another story filled with Edward's view. What do you think? _

_And, like all other authors would say, yes, reviews are very much welcome. =) _

_-Serene. _


	3. Reservations

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Three: Reservations**

_Disclaimer: Star light, star bright. I wish I may, I wish I might. Please make Twilight mine tonight. _

_Bella_

The greatest part of having a daughter is the feeling of protectiveness, the way you would do anything for her to be safe, happy, contented.

But the worst part is when you have to leave her, because then, you would not know if she was safe, happy or contented.

Take for example the day before, when I had to leave her for my first day at work. She had given me her infamous pout, and when that could not do anything to bring her along to work–I was frightened that she would see things I would rather die than let her have a single peek–but I had managed to resist my daughter's pleas.

It pained me when she started sobbing. However, there was nothing else that I could do. Sometimes, in diners, there are people that . . . have malicious thoughts. Some might even try to take advantage of her.

Forks might be a miniature town, but it still does not mean that it doesn't have atrocious people. And the identity of my daughter had to be kept a secret, to shield her away from all the vicious thinking of the residents here.

I had vowed to her that one day, I _will _bring her to my workplace. But I intended to do that when I had a proper job, perhaps at a firm or something along those sorts.

Nevertheless, my first day at work was exhausting. I'm not complaining, not by any means, but I do find the work rather . . . nurturing. The people who worked at the Lodge thought themselves as family, and they worked side by side.

I have never seen people as tightly knit as they were. They invited me in with wide arms, welcoming me with brilliant smiles that made me feel . . . _at home. _There really was no other way to say it.

Billy Black had gotten me a mentor to help me maneuver my way around the busy diner. Her name was Heidi and she was the perfect teacher; patient, kind, and understanding. Despite my many errors, she never failed to right me.

Since the Lodge was a small diner, there was very few staff.

Only three servers were present: Heidi, me, and another man named Garrett. He was also studying in Forks High School as a senior, graduating in this upcoming year. While Heidi was a beautiful brunette with an absolutely stunning body, Garrett was another blonde with a gangly one, almost like Seth's.

They were also pale, which did not come as a surprise. Most people here were pale as well, which made me and Ness fit in suitably, since we were both part-albino.

Fingering the locket my daughter wore endlessly, even when I was giving her a bath, I grinned at her stirring expression. It was fifteen minutes past six, and the evening before, she had forced me to promise her that I would wake her up at the same time I usually woke for school.

She wanted to eat breakfast with me.

"Good morning, baby. It's time for breakfast," I hummed at my baby's blinking eyes. She immediately sat up, causing her head to knock against mine.

Laughing, I rubbed her little forehead, which she held gingerly. "Ouch," she pouted. I laughed once more and kissed it, willing for the pain to go away.

"There," I smiled, "it's all right now, isn't it, baby?"

"Yup!" she giggled and wrapped her little arms around my neck. I carried her and made sure she was safely perched on my back as I made our bed, arranging it, so that Sue would have less to do later.

And after I had given my baby a nice, warm shower and helped her to brush her teeth, I held her hand as she skipped down the stairs to the kitchen, where she could smell the addictive scent of pancakes.

The sight that greeted me and my daughter surprised me. Dad was laughing cheerily with Sue as she flipped a pancake on a plate overfilling with the stuff.

"Morning Grandpa, morning Ms. Clearwater!" My daughter said aloud as she took a seat on my lap. We did not own a high seat, even when she was younger, and I had always allowed her to sit comfortably on my lap as I fed her.

My father ripped his head away from his beloved newspapers as he gave my daughter a toothy grin, reaching forward to muss her perfectly made hair. "Dad," I hissed at him.

He grinned sheepishly as he tried–albeit futilely–to rearrange Ness's hair. My little daughter laughed as she looked up at me, reaching to hold her grandfather's hand in hers.

"Mommy, don't be angry at Grandpa! You can just change my hair!"

I laughed at how her sentence came out. Then I gently pulled at the ribbon I had used to tie her hair in cute little plaits. I gathered her billows of soft, chocolate brown curls, and tied them into a ponytail that matched my own.

For a drizzly town where the Sun was said to be a miracle, it was shining magnificently today. I hoped my daughter could use the opportunity to play outside. Despite the fact that there was still snow on the ground, I was sure it would be warm enough for her to wear a normal jacket.

"All right, all right, enough with the chatter!" Sue smiled at me, laying down one plate piled high with countless of pancakes–all cut into bite-sized amounts, swimming in maple syrup with butter on top.

Ness squealed in delight. "Mommy, look! There's so much food!"

I winced a little, partly because it was a rare opportunity for her to be able to devour such plenty amounts of food.

But I held it all back, swallowing the odd lump in my throat as the thought, '_I am a failure as a mother,' _flew across my mind, blinding me for a second before my focus snapped right back into place.

"Eat as much as you want, baby. I'll just eat your leftovers." I kissed the side of my daughter's face and watched as she picked up a fork and tucked into the food, making 'mm' sounds as she chewed and swallowed it.

As I waited, my daughter noticed me looking at her. "Do you want a bite now, Mommy?" Her brown eyes were wide with concern.

I grinned and shook my head. "No, baby, just go ahead and eat."

"No." She stabbed her fork into one large piece of pancake, mixing some syrup with it, and picked it up. She raised it to my closed mouth. "You eat, Mommy. Grandpa is right. You look like a . . . a skeleton!"

I laughed through my clamped mouth and merely shook my head once more. Vanessa's brown eyes were now set in determination and stubbornness –both of which were passed down from me to her.

Wrapping my arms around my daughter's tiny waist, pulling her closer to me, I nuzzled her cute little nose and gave her a winning smile. I would wait until she finished, because, that way, she could eat as much she wanted, contenting that stomach of hers for the first time in months.

Then Ness gained a mischievous light to her beautiful eyes. She leaned in, begging, pleading, as she whispered, "For me, Mommy? Eat this for me?"

How can I resist _this? _

I groaned and tapped her nose once, pulling away from her. "You, my little angel, are one devilishly dangerous little girl."

She only gave me a bright smile as she asked me to open my mouth before she popped the piece of pancake into it. "See Mommy?" she laughed. "It's like we're opposites now! I'm giving you food instead of you giving _me _food!"

Sometimes, it was so easy to please my daughter.

We stayed like that, taking turns feeding each other. Vanessa was just too insistent, and when she wanted something, you had no choice but to give it to her. She was happy though, and that was what mattered.

"What do you plan to do with her today, Sue?" I asked my daughter's babysitter as she sat beside my Dad, who was eating her pancakes with a glimmer in his eyes. I did not question why Sue took the initiative to make breakfast. She had every right to be at home here.

Sue looked up to the ceiling, thinking. "Well, Vanessa, what do you think of seeing La Push?"

Ness looked at her blankly, unsure of what she should say.

"What is La Push?" she asked, looking between me and Sue.

But Sue only laughed, throwing her head back and guffawing loud laughs that seemed contagious. Soon, my father was laughing as well –and I knew that he was not one for easy laughs.

Something was going on between the two of them. I _must _get down to it.

A sudden honking of a car startled me, forcing me to jolt. Vanessa squirmed and turned around to wrap her arms around my neck. "No, Mommy, you're staying with me today."

I kissed her temple, wishing that I could do what she was saying. "Sorry, baby. But I can't. I have to go to school, remember?"

"I hate school." She muttered darkly, her face pressing inwards on my neck. I tugged on her little ponytail before giving her another kiss, this time on her cheek. "So do I, baby, so do I." I murmured.

She pulled back to look me deep into my eyes. We stared at each other in earnest, a moment of wordless communication passing through us. Ness and I had this connection, even through my pregnancy it felt as though I could understand her thoughts, as if she was a part of me, humming at the back of my mind.

"Then why do you still go there?" she questioned, her brown orbs glinting wetly. I kissed away her almost fallen tears, my heart tearing, as I bade goodbye to my daughter.

After all the hard times of fighting beside her, protecting her, shielding her from everyone and anyone, it was especially difficult for me to whisper a single goodbye. I love Vanessa with all of my heart and soul therefore this just made it more vigorous for me.

"I'm sorry baby. But I'll come back this afternoon, okay? I love you," I reminded her as she kissed my cheek.

"I love you too, Mommy, more than my own life," and then my little baby girl touched her locket, giving me a reminder of her own. I grinned and carried her to settle her in Dad's lap. She wiggled and stole his toast.

My Dad did not protest. Instead, he gave an exceedingly big smile at her. "That's definitely my gene!" he had laughed.

As I got in Seth's white Prius, I heard Tanya's undeniable voice ring out from the backseat, "Morning, Bella!"

Seth grumbled, "About damn time."

His expression had the ghost of a frown as he pulled out of the driveway. Tanya was silent, and so was he. The air around the car was heavy, as if they had just come out of a fight.

Maybe that's not so far from the truth.

The rest of the morning passed by uneventfully since the new addition–me–seemed boring. I was pleased by the fact that I did not have to deal with unwanted attention any longer.

Lunch came once more, and I sat with Tanya and Seth, who were seated on either side of me, glowering on their trays. Not once did Seth spoke a word throughout the whole duration of our classes.

Despite my constant building of walls and impenetrable trust, I felt worried for him. He was my first friend here in Forks, and he seemed to be damper. Yesterday, he'd seemed so cheerful.

Is Tanya fighting with him?

Swallowing the sandwich I had made earlier this morning and had packed, I cleared my throat, attempting to catch their attention. I would not normally do these things, but somehow, they'd worried me by the way they were reacting.

And as I opened my mouth, a familiar voice interrupted me.

"Hey?" Garrett greeted from behind me. I turned to look at him.

He smiled a bright smile, one that I couldn't find it in myself to return. I gave him a nod, and Seth asked him, "What're you doing here? Aren't you supposed to hang with your buddies?"

And then ever considerate Seth pointed towards the long row of tables aligned with each other. Cheerleaders and jocks alike sat there, most of them wearing letterman jackets that read _Forks High School. _

So Garrett was a football player too.

How could I not have noticed?

"I was just wondering if I could sit here for a minute. The guys in my table are just . . . I really can't stand them now." He muttered, annoyed, as he scowled at the floor.

Seth obviously backtracked, and he looked at me, silently questioning me if it was okay.

I didn't understand his look. Why was my opinion important? I was not the one who had lived here for nearly all of my life. So shouldn't he be asking Tanya, his girlfriend?

"Sure, Garrett, take a seat. You're welcome at the losers table." The gorgeous strawberry blonde seated beside me agreed, pointing to the chair opposite me.

Garrett gave her one grateful smile and moved to sit down. Once seated, he turned to me and said, "So, are you working today as well? I'll bet you aren't. The hours Billy gave you is . . . really weird."

"Um, yes, I _am _working today, and tomorrow as well. And the day after that, and the day after that." I nodded, taking another bite of my sandwich. I toyed with the plastic as Garrett framed his answer.

But Seth beat him to it.

"You're working with Billy? Wait, does this mean you're working at the Lodge?"

It was Tanya who retorted, "Way to go Captain Obvious. It's a miracle you pointed that out."

You could hear the teasing light to her voice, and that, I pondered, must have broken the ice between them. The obvious lift in the air heightened as the two lovers babbled aimlessly about their day.

"Wait, Bella, I don't understand." Garrett frowned, eyeing my carton of milk. I eyed it too, because I did not want him to take it. Nevertheless, he did take it in the end, and when he'd taken a sip and placed it back, I dared not touch it.

I'm not exactly saliva conscious, I was just wary of the contact. It had been approximately one day that I have known Garrett, but that did not mean I was close enough to him yet.

"What do you not . . . understand?" I struggled with my words, leaning forward so that Seth could talk behind my back. It was hard to understand what Garrett was saying with him speaking loudly in front of me.

"I don't understand why Billy's allowing you to work weird hours. I mean, I've been working for him for like, three years already, and even then, I never got to work as much as you did. Do you have to work on the weekends like the rest of us?"

"I . . . no, I don't. Billy gave me the weekend free."

And there was absolutely no possible way that I would explain to him the reason why.

"Weekends free? Holy shit! Does this mean you're free this weekend? 'Cause Newton's planning a big beach party, since it's going to be sunny, and he's inviting everyone. Can you come?" Seth butted in.

I turned to look at the boy, frowning. "No," I practically growled, thinking of Vanessa, "Absolutely not."

"Whoa, whoa, chill out sister. I didn't mean to imply anything." Seth held his hands up, his hazelnut eyes apologizing. I merely nodded once and went back to dismantling my sandwich.

Tanya was the next one who asked me, "Why? Holding a secret meeting with your top-secret boyfriend?"

I bit back a raged retort. Things were better left unsaid.

She noticed my inability to talk due to my angered expression, and she was quick to say sorry. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry if I did anything to offend you. I mean, if you and your boyfriend is–"

"Babe," Seth cautioned, "Don't. Just don't. Let's leave it at that, yeah?"

Once again, I was fervently grateful for Seth's calming personality. Tanya mumbled another sorry, looking down in grief. She was only trying to help, but every time she voiced her opinion, she got shot down.

"It is okay, Tanya." I surprised myself. "You didn't mean any harm."

She beamed at me, her perfect white teeth glinting as I traced the outline of my phone, wishing that Vanessa would call me just like she did the day before.

I wondered what on Earth she could be doing. It was still a little sunny, with the snow already melting, so I thought that perhaps she would fully enjoy La Push.

La Push was a small, unincorporated community that was located near the Quileute River. It had three beaches, and from what I could recall, the First Beach was the most attractive. Dad used to bring me there each day while I was younger, when Mom would hand me over to him for the summer.

Of course, this was short lived. While La Push was mysterious and enchanting–not to mention utterly breathtaking–the rain that poured managed to delude my excitement.

Mom was the one who had full custody of me. She would take me everywhere with her. After Forks, we lived in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met her new husband Phil. They were immediately attracted to each other, and Phil was offered a job for coaching baseball at an elementary school in Florida.

So we moved there as well, and that was when I met the Monster . . .

_Bella, _the voice inside of me warned. I listened to it, in fears that I might have to revisit unwanted territories in my spacious mind.

As though on cue, the bell rang, indicating that it was time for us to head off to our next classes.

This was the part of the day that I was not looking forward to at all.

Seth walked with me to the Biology lab, and as we entered the classroom and hung our jackets, I questioned him, "Could I perhaps exchange places with you?"

He looked taken aback. "Is Cullen bothering you?"

"No," I shook my head, "I feel that maybe I can see better sitting at your place. Where I'm seated currently . . . well, it's not exactly clarity-perfect."

"Oh, um, okay? Sure." Though he sounded unsure, he readily moved over to the back of the room, where I was seated yesterday.

What was I doing? Why am I hiding away from Edward Cullen? I couldn't find any reason why I should be sitting next to him. And he was a contradiction to my epiphany. Also, I found him distracting, and thanks to him, I've missed out on one entire lesson.

But why am I blaming him for my rash actions? All he did was to sit beside me. It was not as if he'd spoken to me the entire time we sat together.

Whatever the case, I was going to focus on this new lesson.

I tried not to look up at the person who sat beside me. From the way the person moved, I could tell she was a girl.

"Hello," a quiet voice whispered. I looked up, attempted a nod, and looked down.

It was the same girl who was exchanging notes with Seth the day before. She wore spectacles that lay perched on the edge of her nose, and she had freckles. Slightly buck-toothed, this girl seemed like your average person with her mousy brown hair.

She bit her lip–a habit that was shared by me. "Are . . . can I ask . . . um, where's Seth?"

I pointed across the room at him, but at the same moment, froze. Edward Cullen was looking at me with a bewildered expression, his brilliant green eyes full of amusement and wonder. Beside him, Seth was frowning.

But the gangly teen waved back at me goofily. Seth had a way of making me feel at ease, almost like how Vanessa would calm me down whenever I got nervous or heated. He was smiling–at me or the mousy girl who was now having difficulties breathing.

Nodding in acknowledgment of Seth's humorous antics, I grinned and looked down as Mr. Banner finally arrived. I tried not to notice Edward's stare, which I could feel was boring onto my back.

I took note of every word that came out of the teacher's mouth. I wrote the significant sentences which he spewed, jotting them down on a notebook I had.

The girl beside me snuck often looks at what I was doing. She seemed shy and polite enough not to stare at me. However, her face said it all.

What was I doing in the place of her handsome, funny, amazing crush? Did I not have the courtesy to tell her why I was seated here in the first place?

I spared her no words. There was no need to put down anymore ties here in this god-forsaken town.

Mr. Banner was continuing his lecture about the placenta, and I was starting to fully understand it. He talked about a placenta abruptio, and how it could cause a decrease in the supply of oxygen and nutrients to a fetus.

My only thought as he spoke this was how glad I was that I had a normal pregnancy. If ever that were to happen to me, I would not know how I would react to save my baby, my Vanessa.

I filled up about three pages worth of notes before the bell rang, indicating that it was time for me to head off to Gym. I did not fare well the day before, and the probability of my doing well today was equally low.

Packing my bag, the mousy haired girl that sat beside me finally spoke. "Um . . . I'm Angela."

I looked at her and nodded, "Bella."

She breathed, unsure of what to say next. "I was–I was wondering why you're seated here and–and not Seth?"

"Chill out, Angie," Seth suddenly spoke from beside me, handing me my fallen pencil. I thanked him and stashed it inside my bag. _Speak of the devil and he shall come to you._

"Bella couldn't see properly from where she's seated with Cullen, so she asked to switch places with me."

"Oh." Angela murmured. Through my peripheral vision, I could see that she was blushing. I could only see that Seth was completely oblivious to this.

He cleared his throat though, and pulled me by my arm. I flinched and whipped my arm away from his. I had to fight back an annoyed, exasperated retort as I rubbed my elbow tenderly.

Seth caught up to his mistake immediately, his hazel-like eyes brimming over with horror. "Shit, _shit. _I'm so sorry, Bella, I didn't mean it. I swear."

"_Shit, shit. I'm fucking bleeding! Damn it, girl. You're going to regret what you did!" _The Monster's voice echoed in my mind, causing me to freeze over and cut my breathing.

The overwhelming response my body took to shut _him _out of my mind was abrupt and conscious. My mind repelled against the sudden pull of the bitter memories, forcing them back against the barrier I so eagerly built.

I did not know how much time passed, but eventually, my force won against the pull. I didn't want to collapse in a heap of nothingness. That was the old Bella.

The new Bella was supposed to be strong, _focused. _I needed to have strong will-power if I were to survive in this hideous world with my daughter. I needed to be tough for her.

If all else failed, I know I will always have my Vanessa.

My thoughts of my lovely child brought me back to the surface, breaking through my blank stare at Seth's chest. I let out a single hiss, taking in one tiny breath.

Suddenly, I was gasping in air.

I might have stopped breathing for quite some time.

"Jesus, Bella! You freaking scared me!" he was cursing, his eyes frantic with worry. They were filled with concern for me, and I was grateful that he, at the very least, did not know what was going on inside my mind.

"Sorry," I hissed, and moved to get away.

We walked to Gym in silence, Seth noticing my obvious distraction. He babbled pointlessly, aimlessly, as we reached the changing rooms. We separated, and I was glad to see that I was one of the last few who were still changing.

Physical Education was a problem. If I did not turn around modestly, the other girls here would be able to see my scar. They would know.

And I wasn't willing enough to risk it.

Here in Forks, instead of the standard shirt and shorts, they allowed us to wear sweatshirts and sweatpants with the school emblem on the back of the sweatshirt. Since it was an abnormal rainy town, this wasn't quite a distinction.

There was also another thing to love about Forks: they held their PE lessons in one whole batch. That meant that the whole junior class was having the lessons together, since the number count of the students here was severely low.

I met with Seth and Tanya in the Gym's bleachers. Yesterday, we did Badminton. I was frightened of what we could be doing today.

But as I sat with them whilst taking in the under-population of my batch, the group that had 'welcomed' me the day before plopped down directly in front of me, talking loudly and making me feel idiotic.

Tanya hissed from my right, "Oh wonderful, just perfect really."

Seth was hiding a smile behind his hand. "And so the Skinny Squad's leader invades."

I managed to crack a tiny smile at his joke.

Single-handedly seeing all of Lauren Mallory's evil misdoings, I couldn't help but feel pity for the rest of her 'friends.' She bossed them around, pretending to act so superior, when frankly, she seemed much more afraid of rejection than they were.

Although it was only one day that I've been here in FHS, I knew it within me that Lauren had power. She was popular, beautiful in other people's incomprehensible mind. And she had the perfect back-up system trailing behind her.

Tanya and Seth do not particularly agree with my statements.

"Hey, Bella," Tanya cleared her throat, distracting me from my ever present thoughts.

Lauren and her group of friends stiffened, and that was when I knew that they were sitting in front of me in purpose. What could they possibly want?

My eyes were distracted, though. For Edward Cullen turned to stare at me, giving me his amused smirk that I wanted so badly to look away from had I not find him . . . intriguing.

_Vanessa, Bella. Remember your daughter, _my conscience screamed, and I once more turned my head swiftly away from his penetrating gaze.

I answered Tanya's greeting with a nod, "Yes?"

She leaned in to whisper, "Don't look now, but I think Edward Cullen's staring at you. He _never _stares at anyone. Edward Cullen doesn't chase girls, but girls chase Edward Cullen."

What does that even mean?

"What are you trying to imply?" I whispered back. Seth was butting his head in, his smile widening when he realized what–or rather, _who–_we were talking about.

"Shit. You guys talking 'bout that weird guy? C'mon Tans! He's kind of . . . scary." He protested, keeping his voice at a bare minimum, glancing over his shoulder at Lauren's group.

They were now discreetly leaning in. The girl who looked ever so much like that of a pixie and the gorgeous blonde girl and boy were shaking their heads, scooting slightly away from the rest of them.

And Edward Cullen was still looking at me.

Lauren noticed this too, because she tried to catch his attention. When his enigmatic green eyes left mine, I noticeably took a deep breath.

My mind was swirling about, going in circles. What did he want from me? Perhaps it was the feeling that I was just another new toy, something nice to play with. But I would not afford myself to be treated that way.

Once bitten, twice shy.

"All right, people! Quiet down, quiet _down! _We're going to be running laps today, and I don't want to hear anything about fake cramps, motion sickness, allergies or even hypothermia. It's a great day and we're going to take advantage of it! Now, I want you guys to run thirty laps around the field, _now. _Do you hear me?"

The whole of the gym was quiet, absorbing Coach Clapp's words.

And then the protestors started talking.

"Running, _great,_" I murmured to myself as I got off the bleachers and onto the track pertaining to the abandoned field outside of the gym.

"From what I've seen of your tripping down the corridors, classes and even my own freaking car, I'm thinking running is going to be a major problem, isn't it?" Seth cackled evilly.

Tanya laughed as she reached up to ruffle his shaggy hair. "Don't be so mean."

"What? I'm not! You should've seen her yesterday, Tans, when she got into my car." He snickered as we started jogging.

I could see why the Coach had said thirty laps. The field here was of comparatively restricted dimensions. At first glance, you wouldn't even think it was a field in the first place.

Like a barren wasteland, you could easily run one lap within twenty seconds.

But, evidently, the teenagers who grew up here were not in synchronization with that. After the first six laps, some were breathing hard. Seth and Tanya though, jogged beside me.

They talked about their homework for today, and I participated into the discussion when they started a heated argument over Shakespeare's works. For our English assignment, we were required to write an essay on our favorite Shakespeare play, and why.

A summary was compulsory as well.

I planned on writing about Romeo and Juliet. There was something about that play that made me really want to voice my opinions of it. Of how there really was no one else to blame but the two lovers themselves. Should they not have fallen for each other, they wouldn't have to die.

Naïve Romeo and fickle Juliet were two of my most favorite characters, rivaling Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett, and Cathy and Heathcliff.

Like I have once said, nothing gets me more verbal than the mere discussion of great literature works.

We must have been jogging for nearly thirty laps now; I was too busy arguing with Seth about the importance of Mr. Lockwood's character in _Wuthering Heights. _He thought that it was pointless to add him in.

I wanted nothing more than to punch his face in when he said that.

And, being the clumsy, incorrigible person that I was, on my last lap, I tripped over a single stone, somewhat making myself spiral down to the ground. I heard Seth and Tanya gasping in shock and exclamation.

But a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me over a muscular body as someone dove underneath me to catch my fall. My eyes were closed–out of fear or expectation, I really was not thinking.

When it was over, when all I could feel was an unfamiliar buzzing of my skin, warmth radiating through the chest of this unknown person, I peeked through my lashes.

I regretted it fervently afterwards.

Edward Cullen stared right back at me, his expression a mix of worry and amusement.

"You're okay?" he asked in that exquisite musical voice of his. I fought against the urge to pull myself closer to him, to inhale the soothing scent of his cologne, his fabric conditioner.

He smelled of _home. _

I pulled myself away from him, ripping apart from where his arms held me tightly against his body. Though not intended, my body longed for his touch; it ached without the feeling of the shocking electricity running through me.

Seth reached me though, and he helped me to right myself, "Bella! Thank Christ! Jeez, Bella, you really need to learn how to walk properly."

"Seth, shut up!" Tanya hit him as she ran up to me, holding my hand and looking over me. She audibly sighed in relief when she found out I was doing all right.

Her eyes warned me, telling me something.

_Edward Cullen is standing behind you! _They seemed to be screaming. I did not need her warning, however, because I could feel his brilliant green eyes imploring into my back.

As quick as I could, I turned to him and gave him a single nod. I avoided his eyes.

"Isabella! You okay?" Coach Clapp was now asking me as Seth and Tanya assisted me to the nearby bleachers.

"Yes, I am fine." I nodded and rubbed my scathed elbow.

There was _blood._

Oh no. Oh god no.

"_Come on, Isabella! Show me what you got!" the Monster growled heavily in my ear, his hands flying, ripping, as he tore apart the buttons on my shirt. _

_His hand clamped down on my mouth as I cried silent tears. His long, dirty fingernails raked through my skin, scratching, until it was finally _bleeding.

"Bella," Tanya was rubbing my back as I held my head in my hands, eyes staring at the ground, forced wide open in intangible pain and shock. My body was responding, shutting down, like I knew it would.

Why were the memories coming back _now?_

"Mr. Clearwater, Ms. Denali, please assist Bella to the infirmary, please." Coach Clapp ordered.

By now there was an immense crowd that had stopped by to watch as Seth carried me in his arms–bridal-style, no less–and Tanya grabbing hold of my hand as I tried my best to push against the old memories.

I was breaking out in cold-sweat. Everywhere I seemed to turn to . . . I could see his hideous face, prowling about . . . and _hunting. _

They heard my whimpers, Seth locking his arms around me, his body warmer than it should have been. I dare not close my eyes, in fear that perhaps I would see the Monster's face, inches away from mine, his foul breath on my lips.

I wanted to get away, to just curl into a pathetic ball of misery and hide.

Edward Cullen's torturous, searing stares were nothing compared to this purgatory.

_Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. Your daughter, _I chanted. _Think of Vanessa, Bella. Think of your saving grace._

The last thing I saw before my eyes closed of their accord was Seth's humming chest.

* * *

><p>It might have been seconds, it might have been hours.<p>

But eventually, I came to be.

I felt nasty. My throat was dry, my body numb. I could hear a breathing that was not mine.

Opening my eyes at last, Seth towered over me with an anxious expression. So did Tanya, who was frowning, her eyes tearing up. They spoke nothing at first, eyeing me like I might go back into a self-induced sleep.

"Are you really awake?" Tanya asked me, her hands moving to smooth my sticky, wet hair.

I nodded, "Yes."

Seth let out a breath and flopped down onto a chair beside the bed I was currently lying in. "Thank god, Bella. Jeez, about a minute ago, you were . . . _convulsing. _Just before that, you looked like you were on the verge of _screaming. _Freaking _screaming, _Bella."

"We couldn't bear to leave you alone," Tanya added, "I wanted to stay here with you till you woke up. I was . . . scared that something would happen to you."

Both of my newfound . . . _friends _hung their head, either embarrassed or in shame.

Tanya was choking back sobs while Seth rubbed his palm against his temple, looking haggard.

"I am . . ." I took a deep breath, struggling. "I am sorry, you guys. For making you worry."

"Just . . . if you're going to do that again, Bella, you have to tell us, okay? Don't freak us out over something like that again. Tanya was really worried." Seth sighed.

My heart reached out to the two of them. Surely they did nothing wrong to have to go through this. It is my burden to bear, not theirs.

I felt like a bad person, all of a sudden. I was a failure as a mother for romancing and looking at other boys, thinking of them and secretly wishing. I was a failure as daughter, because I couldn't even tell my father the truth of Vanessa.

I was a failure as a friend, because I'd made them so worried when they could not possibly know the cause behind the effect.

As I bit my lip, forcing the tears to go away, I reminded myself once more that this was part of the consequences I had to go through when I decided to keep Vanessa.

_Do you see now, Bella? You're endangering others because of your selfish reasons! You are not allowed to be happy! You never will be! _

The lump in my throat grew, signaling that the waterfall of tears were ready to break through.

But I will not allow that.

Strong, that is what I needed to be.

And that is what I _will _be.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I am very, very sorry for the long wait. I was running out of time doing this chapter, because my stupid-ass computer broke down. I had to rely on internet cafes and stuff. BUT it's all worth it. To all those who reviewed, favorited, story-alerted, author-alerted and all those other stuff that comes along in FanFiction, THANK YOU for being such a darling for all the inspiration that you guys gave me. Without any of you, I will have never gotten my butt out of my bed and started checking for loose change. _

_berdb: I really agree with your review. Charlie just misses his daughter, is all. Keep in mind that he doesn't have a clue about what happened to Bella, so he just wishes for his daughter to come back. He's sort of frightened by the rapid change in Bella's attitude, and he's afraid of what it could mean. You know how fathers are. =) And thank you for saying that this was the first story you've read that has Bella focused. I was aiming for that. It can't always be about love. She needed to start thinking about her daughter's well-being as well. As for what Edward will do . . . well, you'll just have to wait and see! ;)_

_This is still an E/B story, and some action between WILL be coming up. And of course, Bella will eventually defrost to a poor, clueless Edward. Seth will only be Bella's friend, and he's that caring towards Bella because . . . I can't tell you the reason now. It'll spoil the story. =) _

_Finally, to end this awfully long note, you know the drill. Review, please! _

_-Serene. _


	4. Unintended Invitations

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Four: Unintended Invitations**

_Disclaimer: Twilight - and Edward - will only belong to me in my dreams, where even the government can't catch me. _

_Bella_

It was a Saturday.

And it would be my first Saturday off of work.

But the best part would probably be the fact that I was going to spend it with my daughter.

I had arranged for us to enjoy a day at La Push, First Beach. After that fateful Tuesday, Vanessa had been going on and on about the First Beach. She had loved her little trip there, and she spoke reverently about the 'cute little pebbles' that came in 'so many cute colors.'

My little girl had gotten a faint, bluish rock that she had found. It was a smooth pebble that had the faint tinge of indigo, but nevertheless, I loved it. She'd gotten it for me, saying that there were so many other pebbles that were present in the beach.

So for my first day off work, instead of sleeping in, I packed a backpack and announced that we were going to the beach.

Surprisingly, it was warm throughout the whole week so far. The snow had all but melted into nothingness. It had to be about seventy degrees, perhaps even immensely more. I was going to enjoy the sun, soak up as much as I could, and play with my daughter, who was now currently staring hard at the two swimming suits she owned.

"Mommy, what do you think is better?" she questioned, her eyebrows furrowing. I chuckled and kissed her pink cheek. "Take whatever you want baby. I think the pink one is cute, but the purple one is adorable as well."

"But Mommy I wore the purple one on Tuesday, with Ms. Clearwater. Jacob said that it looked pretty on me."

Jacob was Ness's newfound friend in La Push. From what I heard from her, he was another one of those native-American people that lived in the reservation.

And I had also heard from Sue that Jacob was Billy's five year-old son from an illegitimate mother.

Funny how such a small town could stomach that despite the fact that Forks was proving to be more despicable than I could ever dream of.

Last Thursday, while I was walking along with Seth, Tanya and Garrett–he was a recent addition to our little, impenetrable force–I had witnessed as Lauren Mallory pulled a dramatic attempt at accusing a poor freshman for kissing Tyler Crowley, who just happened to be Lauren's newest boyfriend.

The poor girl was sobbing after Lauren had called her vicious names that ricocheted off the walls of the hallways, forcing every single person to listen to her confrontation.

My only thought as I watched was that Lauren was being foreordained, presumptuous. The sobbing girl looked to be only fifteen, with spectacles that covered half her face. Her face was red and blotchy from all her crying.

I wanted to talk her, to give her a hug. I wanted to encourage her, to tell her to stand up to Lauren Mallory's melodramatic, completely attention-seeking ways.

But just as I had stepped up, Tanya already beat me to it.

"_Damn it, Lauren! Enough already! Can you see that what you're doing is _bullying_?" _Tanya had screamed at the abominable-looking blonde, who'd only blinked back in response.

Seth had to be the one to fan Tanya down. He had his arms wrapped around his girlfriend, whispering urgently in her ears, as Garrett shook his head beside me, looking regrettably at the one person I never thought he would be looking at.

And who, you might ask, that person would be?

The answer was as shocking to me as though when Juliet had woke, only to find out that her husband was dead.

It was Kate Denali, Tanya's twin sister, her other half and complete opposite of the kind, sweet, compassionate girl that I now considered to be my friend. Kate was nearly as morally wrong as Lauren was, and the only redeeming quality that she and her twin shared was their feistiness.

Not to mention their remarkable ability to scream out octaves.

"-can I wear the pink one, then? Mommy, are you listening?" I heard my daughter's voice breaking through my reverie. I cleared my throat.

"Sorry, baby. Mommy was distracted. I think the pink one is the best choice right now, yes?"

Ness giggled before throwing her arms around me. "Okay. Do you think Jacob will be there today? I wish he will . . . I really had fun on Tuesday."

I grinned, recalling all the stories of how Vanessa and her friend Jacob had saved the tiny crab they had found stuck on the cool stones, unable to get free because of his trapped claw. This Jacob had asked Ness to lift the rock whilst he coaxed the crab out with a piece of bread.

My daughter was clearly excited whenever she told the story. She really enjoyed Jacob's company, and I was glad that he seemed like a good influence in spite of his history with Billy.

Scandalous, as how most of the people here would put it.

"Well, baby, if you're lucky and if Uncle Billy's not so busy, we'll get him to bring Jacob out, what do you say?" I carried her out of the room we shared, balancing our backpack on one shoulder.

Vanessa squealed a high pitch sound that made me smile, "_Really? _Thank you Mommy, thank you! Maybe Jacob and I can go save more crabs today!"

I nuzzled her cheek, "Aw, what about me?"

She looked thoughtful as I brought her out the front-door. Cradling her carefully with one arm, I reached for my pocket to lock the door. Dad was already waiting for us in the cruiser–impatiently, I might add.

"Hmm," my baby hummed. "You can help me carry the rock!"

Laughing at my daughter's bright response, I opened the door of the cruiser and got inside the passenger seat. Vanessa sat on my lap as I fastened the seatbelt securely over the two of us. Needless to say, my daughter's enthusiasm about this little outing with my family caught up to me, and I was anticipating the day ahead.

"You're going to see Billy later on, are you not?" I asked my father. He had agreed to be our chaperone and driver to the day's excursion.

Throughout the whole week, Dad was busy with work. He had done nothing but switch between our house and his work place. Countless of times, Ness had asked me and Sue where her Grandpa was.

A certain attachment between my father and daughter seemed to occur belatedly towards the both of them. Dad could not sit around properly if he did not speak to Vanessa every once an hour. My daughter always held Sue's phone now, learning how to press the speed dials so she could call me and my Dad whenever she felt like it.

I was glad that she, at the very least, was starting to become more exultant with her newfound friends. First, it was my father. Second, Sue. And now it was little Jacob Black.

But I needed to see things clearly, to put Jacob's personality into perspective.

Dad stopped at the only traffic light that existed here in Forks, "Yeah. Why?"

"Because Ness wants to see–"

"I want to see Jacob, Grandpa! He's my new friend!" Ness's soprano voice sang from my lap as she played with the tiny pebble that she gave me, nestled deep in my palm.

Dad croaked, "Jacob, as in Jacob _Black?" _

I nodded mutely, distracted by Vanessa's sudden shifting on my lap. I tightened my arms around her as she tried to adjust the seatbelt. "Is it too tight, sweets?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "No."

Sighing, I helped my daughter to adjust the seatbelt, knowing full well that she was lying. She was as bad as a liar as I was. I could not blatantly tell a lie. I was subjected to telling the truth all the time.

Except, that only applied to certain items.

"That poor kid . . ." Dad grumbled, accelerating down the road to the La Push. Vanessa was not paying us any attention as she looked out the window, fascinated by the greenery that surrounded us.

"It's _so _pretty . . ." she whispered.

I kissed her hair and turned to my father, who was looking ahead, an unfathomable expression set into his chocolate brown eyes–ones that my daughter and I had inherited from him. "What do you mean?"

My father sighed, launching into the story. "Sue's already probably told you this, but Jacob isn't exactly a real Black. Did you know that his real mom was a crack addict? And that Billy had no idea what was going on till he found Jake on his doorstep?"

I gasped, "_Really?"_

"Yeah, and the worst part is, when Billy found out that his 'summer romance' did a runner on him and his unknown baby, his two other daughters, Rachel and Rebecca, demanded for him to send Jacob into an adoption center."

"But . . . why? That's cruel." I interjected.

Dad only managed a nod, his eyes full of sympathy. "I'm telling you Bells, it was one huge mess. Billy had no idea what to do. I think he was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown–"

"Wait, what about Billy's wife? Didn't she–"

"Bella, Rachel and Rebecca's mother died of cancer when Rachel was two."

I had to bite back a gasp; it would not go well with the bright atmosphere that I was trying my best to keep up. Vanessa did not seem to understand the tense, heavy air that hung in the car. She blinked at me once, before looking at her grandfather.

"Grandpa, no fighting with Mommy." She huffed sternly, her little face scrunched up in anger. I knew that look. It was the same face she would use whenever I tried to take away her teddy bear, Mandy.

Abruptly, Dad's serious voice turned light as he risked a glance down and grinned at my little sweetheart. "I'm not fighting with your mom, Ness. It's all good, don't worry."

I cleared my throat, "Eyes to the front, Dad."

"Right." He nodded once and brought back his attention to the winding road.

We spoke no more after that, Ness's shrill voice filled the car as she and my father babbled to each other. Thankfully, she did not speak of Jacob to him, and he did not bring up the Blacks.

He was right, however. The poor little boy whose name was Jacob deserved some credit. It was not his fault he was born into an unwanted pregnancy. I was thankful, grateful, that I was not like his mother, who had run away from her responsibility.

Such a cruel, faithless monster would do that. A child was supposed to be loved, no matter what the outcome of his or her bringing into the world would be.

I could only imagine the loneliness the boy must have gone through.

And I was glad that he now had Vanessa as a friend. She would be good to him, I knew it. My baby was a keeper, friendly to all strangers, but wary. She knew who could be trusted.

So at least this little boy had a friend to keep him company. You did not need the entire world to support you. For even when you have a thousand friends you keep in contact with, only a handful will truly help you in your most pitiful state.

"Right-o, so we're here at the beach, a group of kids just spotted my car, they're starting to panic, and I'm going to drive over to Billy's and watch the Mariner's kick some–" my father started.

"Dad," I warned him. He grinned sheepishly.

"-buttocks." He finished lamely. We moved to get out of the car.

Just as I was about to close the passenger's side of the door, I leaned in to whisper to him, "Could you get Billy to let Jacob out, though? Ness really wants to play with him again."

He grinned and reached to ruffle my hair. "Sure thing, Bells. I'm glad that there's at least one person who's trying to understand him."

I smiled back and kissed his forehead. He huffed, his cheeks turning red, as I pulled away and headed for the beach, holding Vanessa's little hand in mine. She was squealing rather loudly, laughing at the scenic view of First Beach.

Taking another deep breath, I silently gasped at the beautiful view that was in front of me.

The beach had simplicity, beauty in its very natural form, as it stared at me and my daughter. It was just breath-taking with the midday sun shining mightily upon the waters, which sparkled, reflecting rainbows.

At the first sight, you would think that it was a normal beach, because it was just filled with pebbles: tons of them, in fact. I couldn't find enough room in my head to wrap around the idea of so many stones placed at a particular area, or how the locals seemed to not mind them at all.

There was a thin line of sand that cut between the pebbles and the shoreline. The waves crashed against it every so often, effortlessly disguising them.

It was just amazing. Off in the distance, you could see mountains that rose above the waters, with summits raising so high it had to be about seventy feet, or even a hundred! Pine trees laced their way through the sheer drop of the cliffs, dense and mysterious.

"Pretty, isn't it, Mommy?" my baby said from under my legs.

I looked down and kneeled in front of her, hugging her tiny form. "Gorgeous."

"Let's go to the pebbles, Mommy! I want to show you the pretty colors!" she giggled and tugged on my hand, preparing to run.

I followed her, laughing with abandon, as she pointed out all the stones. She seemed to at ease here, completely involved in this beach. She was familiar with it, and I was silently thanking Sue for bringing her here last Tuesday.

As we reached the middle point of the shore, I rolled up my jeans. I was wearing a red v-neck sweater alongside my usual bootlegged jeans. I wore flip-flops for a change instead of my boots.

My daughter, bless her, wore a white sundress that reached the top of her knees. She looked adorable with the oversized sun-hat Dad had gotten out for her. It used to be mine, and now he was passing it down to my baby.

"Oh, Mommy, look at this pebble!" she bounced over to me, her eyes eager and holding a singular, terracotta stone.

I picked it up and examined it. "It's beautiful. Do you want to keep it, baby?"

She nodded eagerly.

"All right, I'll just pop it in this bucket, okay? Pick whatever pebbles you want. Perhaps you can start a pebble collection!" I laughed and dropped the pebble she'd showed me into the little bucket I had so thoughtfully packed inside the backpack.

"So can I bring home a hundred?"

I stopped laughing.

"A hundred stones–you want to bring home a _hundred _stones?" I asked, stunned and absolutely horrified. My daughter made unusual prerequisites, but this was just . . . unbelievable.

"_Pebbles, _Mommy. It's called _pebbles."_ Ness laughed and patted my hand impatiently. "So can I bring them home?"

Dropping on my knees, I gave my baby a pleading look. "Baby, please tell me you're joking. Mommy can't carry that much of stones–"

Ness interrupted me, a look of defiance stretching across her seraphic face, "Pebbles!"

"All right, all right, _pebbles. _Now can you tell me you are joking?" I begged with her.

We stared at each other solemnly, her little face very serious as mine.

And then she broke out into a grin, one so wide I thought it could possibly reach her ears. "Mommy, you're so serious all the time! Smile, Mommy, for me?"

I laughed, out of sheer happiness and relief. As I hugged my daughter closer, I kissed her plaited hair, murmuring, "Mommy will _always _smile for you."

Pulling away, my daughter gave me a sweet, loving kiss to my own cheek.

"And I'll always smile for _you." _She crooned before bending down to pick up another pebble. She examined it, her eyes returning to be the childlike and innocent as she debated internally whether or not to take it.

She turned to me, holding the green pebble. "What do you think, Mommy? It's very pretty."

The green reminded me of a certain someone.

It reminded me of Edward Cullen.

I picked up the little pebble before tossing it out to the sea. My daughter watched as it skimmed over the water three times before finally sinking into the murky depths of the mirror-like sea.

But as I did so, my heart seemed to ache. For whatever reason I could not understand, I was missing Edward Cullen.

Throughout the whole week, the boy with the brilliant green eyes–and mind, from what I could hear him debate with Mr. Banner in Biology–had done nothing but stare at me. There were countless of times that we would pass each other in the hall and he would give me a breathtaking crooked smile.

Other times, he was either chuckling quietly at my clumsiness in Gym, or he was merely watching my every movement.

I didn't like the way he watched me. His green eyes were amazingly intense, glorious, as they looked at me. I did my very best not to meet his gaze, and only once did I slip up.

And yet, all it took for me to remove my eyes from his was the singular thought of Vanessa.

Why was I letting myself interpret his actions? Why am I even thinking of him, right when I was supposed to have bonding time with my daughter?

I rubbed my forehead and deliberately tackled my daughter. "Baby, it's starting to get warmer. Do you want to swim now? I'll teach you how to do the free-stroke." I coaxed her.

"Later? Please? I still want to find . . . _Jacob!" _Vanessa squealed so loudly, I thought my eardrums were ready to burst. Not that I did not mind it, I was just taken aback by her sudden enthusiasm and excitement.

I turned around to face a little boy who looked as though he was already eight. Was Dad and Sue right? This boy certainly wasn't a normal five year-old.

Jacob greeted my daughter, "Hi, Ness!" He had short, black hair that flopped down into his eyes, covering his forehead, and he had one of those smiles that seemed contagious. He was grinning–a large smile of which my daughter mimicked.

And anyone could immediately see the chemistry between these two children.

Oh god.

I think I might need to hide Vanessa away for awhile.

"Jacob, this is my Mommy. Mommy, this is Jacob." My baby introduced me to the boy, who wore a plain white t-shirt and swimming shorts.

Bending down, I tried to recall what my father had said about poor Jacob's history. Guiltily, I remembered that Vanessa would be his only friend and that he deserved some happiness. I would bypass the connection my daughter seemed to have with him for now.

"Hello, Jacob, I'm Bella." I greeted him, giving him a warm smile. He blushed, adoringly, as he looked down and shuffled his feet.

"Hi," he muttered shyly.

"Jacob, look! I gave this pebble to Mommy yesterday! And she's wearing it! Isn't it pretty?" Ness cooed, showing him the blue pebble she had bestowed to me.

The boy grinned, "Sure! Do you want to go look for some crabs?"

"I . . . don't know. What about my Mommy?" Ness's brow furrowed as she concentrated on his question.

"Huh?" Jacob cocked his head to the side.

Smiling, I ruffled his hair and grinned even wider when his confused expression turned into shock and longing. He leaned into my touch, his childlike warmth seeping through my fingers. His skin was smooth, slightly calloused.

But his eyes were haunted.

"Hey, Jacob, do you mind if I play with you and Ness today?" I asked him.

He stuttered, "Y-you really w-w-want to play with u-us?"

I nodded. "Yes. I've heard from Ness about your crab saving expedition. And I would like to come along and help out, too. Will you let me, dear Jacob?"

The little boy looked trouble, confusion stretching his very young face into a mask of stress and worry. He looked unsure, but willing. "Okay . . . maybe you can help Ness with carrying the rock . . ."

I laughed and stood up, stretching slightly as I did so. My knees were used to this development from all the time I have spent with Vanessa.

As I held out my hands to the two children–Ness eagerly taking it–Jacob was skeptical, calculative. Warily, I touched his mildly chubby cheek, giving him another warm smile.

Jacob gave me a timid grin as he gently clasped my outstretched hand. He held it in his tiny ones, glancing at Ness every so often, who smiled at me with the utmost warmth and joy.

Spending the whole day with Jacob and Vanessa reminded me how much of my childhood I had missed. There was nothing that I would trade Vanessa for, of course, however, there were plenty of times whenever I would think that perhaps I grew up too fast.

As it turned out, there were very little crabs that needed help in getting out of the shabby rocks. Instead of looking at Jacob and Ness mope about, I brought them to swim in the cool waters.

I followed through with my promise to Ness. Teaching her how to do the free-stroke was a subliminal experience. Just as how I had once predicted, my daughter was a natural. She understood the concepts quickly and efficiently.

Sometimes, I wonder how in the right world she could possibly register everything at once. She seemed as though she was older than her age.

Both of the children were enough to fill my day with laughter, joy even. You would think that it would be dreary for a seventeen year old to spend her day with children, but I found it rather amusing. Jacob was constantly wary and afraid, but at the end of the day, with the sun about to set in the magnificent ocean, he held on to my hand.

"Hey, Bells!" Dad called out. He and his Billy had joined us not too long ago, in the mid-afternoon. They brought along with them paper-bags of food. My daughter had all but attacked it whilst Jacob shuffled along, looking at the ground.

He would not meet Billy's questioning gaze.

"Hi, Dad," I greeted him back as I sat on a long piece of driftwood. Vanessa scrambled onto my lap and I wrapped my arms around her soothingly, holding her to me as I inhaled her scent. It now had a nice mix of the seawater.

Dad reached to hold her hand as he asked me, "How you guys doing? Are y'all having fun? Hey, Jake, buddy boy! You look beat up! Come, there's lots of food! Eat up, son."

Jacob, who had nestled beside me, looked at my father's offered hand, holding out a paper-bag. He stared at it before shyly taking it away from him. He opened it up and peeked inside.

Distinctively, I could hear a low grumble from his stomach. I grinned.

"Jake, it is okay. Just eat. Look at Ness; she's already finishing her burger!" I laughed and mussed his hair.

The little boy looked up at me with his black eyes warm. He now sported a lovely black sweater–as did Vanessa–in preparation for the cold evening. I had my own sweater tied around my waist.

He asked, "Really? Then why aren't you eating a lot?"

I smiled. "I'll eat Ness's leftovers. And if you can't finish your food, I'll eat your leftovers as well!"

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Vanessa thrilled from my lap. I kissed her cheek as I sat up straight and reached for her unfinished burger and fries. She slurped her bottle of water–face alight with contentment and happiness.

"Yes, baby?"

She turned to give me a big, wet kiss. "I love today, Mommy! It was _so _much fun! When can we do it again?"

It was an innocent question, one of which I was sure was not intended to ask. But I couldn't give her a proper answer, because I barely knew when I _could _see her once more. With school and work, I was hardly given time to spend with my daughter.

And the worst part was that I hated it. I hated knowing that this could possibly drive a great abyss between me and her.

"Um, we'll have to see, baby." The words that spewed out of my mouth seemed heartless and cold. I mentally reprimanded myself, hating that my daughter would be disappointed.

"Okay, but when we go out again, can we invite Jacob too?" she asked me.

I was surprised. Normally, Vanessa would have been asking me why. Maybe she was changing, and I was not there to witness it. "Sure, honey." I murmured.

Jacob Black finished up his food as I started eating mine. Billy and Dad talked about the games they had watched, while I played with Vanessa and Jacob. We drew our initials on the sand with a stick, and I thought the both of them how to write their names.

Sadly, little Jacob's school on the reservation had limited suppliers and sponsors, so the teachers were scarce. He knew how to sing the alphabet, yes, but other than that, he could not count from one to ten or know what was one plus one.

He had a brilliant and intelligent mind, but even my daughter surpassed him in terms of education, which made me realize how the little boy needed friends and a proper family.

At around six, the sky started to show glints of darkness. It was not enough to say that it was going to rain, no, but it was getting darker and colder. Once, I caught my daughter shivering against me.

Just as I asked my father if he could bring us home, I heard a familiar, gravelly, rough voice call out, "Bella!"

Disbelieving and utterly caught off-guard, I turned to look at Seth, who had Tanya on his arm. Even in the slight darkness, you could see his white smile. He waved over at me and walked to where I was. Tanya, though, eyed the two children that held my hand.

Jacob immediately let go of me to run up to the tall, gangly teenager. He shouted, "Uncle Seth!"

Seth grunted and laughed before scooping the little, jumping boy in his arms, effectively tearing himself away from Tanya. Her questioning gaze did not leave Vanessa's hand in mine, and she looked up to meet my panicked eyes.

Oh god.

No. This was not supposed to be happening. No, no, no, no. I have to protect Vanessa against all odds. No one should know about her existence. Because if they knew . . . my baby's life here will be compromised, and everything I've worked so hard to conceal will vanish.

And it would be because I was stupid enough to make friends.

Seth and Jacob were busy wrestling each other on the sand as I stared and gazed at Tanya, whose eyes were wide with unspoken questions. I could not bear to look at them.

My heartbeats were getting louder by every passing second. My palms were sweaty and I could feel my daughter's hand slipping away from mine.

Thankfully, Ness was smart, and she did not mutter a single word. She could now sense the tension in the air, cutting through the light atmosphere just earlier before.

Jacob was pulling Seth towards us, breathless. He gave me a hearty smile, his young face full of exuberance as he said, "Uncle Seth, this is Vanessa and her mommy, Bella!"

_No. _

"Jacob!" Billy's deep voice rang out through the silence. Seth's mouth was slack, his hazel-like eyes suddenly wide with shock. Tanya's only hardened as she looked down at Vanessa.

I wanted to shield my daughter away from their penetrating gaze. Deftly, I maneuvered Ness so she was standing behind my legs. She wrapped her little arms around them as she buried her face in my thighs. She was shaking silently, fearing the two people who I was glaring at.

And poor little Jacob Black let go of Seth's hand, obviously stricken by his words. His eyes were scared as he raised his hand to smack himself in the head really hard.

Dad moved over to where Vanessa and I were standing. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder in a show of protection and determination. He cleared his throat. "It's good to see you, Seth and Tanya. But we'll be taking our move now. Seth, tell your Dad that I'll see him on Monday. And Tanya, send my regards to your parents."

He then proceeded to nudge my shoulder. Nodding robotically at them, I bent down stiffly to pick my daughter up. She was still shaking as she took a tiny peek at them.

Are Tanya and Seth no longer considered my friends then? Were they willing enough to stand by a woman with a four year old child? Could they even stomach that idea?

"Mommy," Vanessa's soprano voice seemed to amplify in the dead silence. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Mommy."

"Baby, why are you sorry? You don't have to be sorry. Shh, it's going to be okay. Mommy will protect you." I assured her, rubbing my hands on her little back as she clung to me. Her face buried in my neck, tickling my skin.

Then I looked at Tanya and Seth, who were now openly gaping. Their faces said it all.

They would not be associated with someone like me.

I should have never tried to be friends with them.

Nodding at them once more, I turned to Jacob and squatted to kiss his little forehead. "I will see you again, sweetie. Keep smiling, okay?"

Jacob was awed. That much you could see in his little face.

I smiled–a genuine smile that was not lost on the little boy. He smiled back openly as he touched Vanessa's trembling head, "Hey Ness, thanks for bringing your mommy around today. I had fun."

Ness's head shifted as she looked at him. Evidently pleased by the fact that her new friend was not going anywhere, she smiled her beautiful smile that eased some of my worry.

"See you, Jacob. Bye-bye!" she laughed.

I smiled as well, and stood up.

Dad was reaching out his arms in an offer to take Ness from me, but I merely shook my head. I was not going to let go of her until much later. Or perhaps never even let go of her at all.

Together, we trudged off to where he had parked the cruiser.

But as I got in the passenger seat, Ness sitting rightfully on my lap, I heard running footsteps and heavy breathing that could only dictate that someone was chasing after us.

The question was, who?

"Bella, wait up!" Seth called.

I very nearly dropped Vanessa. She frowned disapprovingly as she patted her hands impatiently against my cheeks. I kissed her forehead, murmuring a sorry as I looked at my father. He only nodded at me, telling me something quietly.

He wanted me to make things right with Seth and Tanya.

And this was the perfect timing for it.

I helped Vanessa buckle up the seatbelt. She looked at me questioningly, but chose to not make a word on why I was not getting inside the car with her. She gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek as she thrilled a goodbye.

"Not too late, Bells," Dad grunted. I looked at him, returning his unyielding stare, "Yes."

He heard the hidden words, though. His eyes hardened, his fingers clenching.

"Ness, let's go home."

Vanessa looked at me and smiled. "Don't frown, Mommy. Smile. You promised me you will smile."

I gave her my warmest smile as I bent through the open window and kissed her little head. "Okay, baby. Don't stay up too late. When Mommy gets back, she'll give you a shower. Is that all right?"

She nodded eagerly, "Yeah!"

Dad said a goodbye to me as he pulled out of the parking space. I watched as the cruiser disappeared, my heart tightening at what was to come. I could already sense Seth behind me, but I did not turn.

Taking a slow, cautious, but ultimately calming deep breath, I whispered, "What do you want, Seth?"

"Bella . . ." he muttered. I turned around and met with his hazel eyes, boring deep into mine. Tanya was standing beside him, arms folded across her chest. She looked at the ground every so often, her face a picture of remorse.

"Bella, we need to talk." She finished.

I mirrored her pose, stubbornly refusing to be put down by her intimidating voice. All right, it was not as intimidating as I assumed it was. I was just frightened by the . . . care. It was present in her soft spoken sentence, and I wasn't sure what it could mean.

"Maybe we should move somewhere else? Mike's party . . . well, remember when I said he was holding it in the weekend?" Seth asked me, his head cocking to the right.

"Yes."

"Yeah, he's holding it today and we're actually thinking of how boring it is. But there's this one place where we can sit around and just . . . talk. There're so many things I want to ask you, plus, I saw what you were eating. You barely ate three fries and one quarter of a freakishly small burger."

"That is none of your business, Seth." I replied haughtily, feeling my eyes water. Whenever I grew angry or frustrated, my eyes would automatically start to tear up. It was reflex action.

"Hell yeah, it _is _my business! You're my friend, and now I finally understand why you're so skinny!" his voice rose steadily and Tanya patted his back, looking around nervously.

She whispered, "Seth, keep your voice down. We don't want to attract attention."

He visibly relaxed at her touch and let out an angry breath. "You're coming with me and Tanya to Mike's party. We're going to grab some hotdogs, and we're going to sit at that bonfire place I found. I'm going to start a fire, and _you're _going to have to tell me everything."

"What if I don't want to?" I challenged.

He stopped short and looked at me, his eyes full of pain I could not comprehend why he was suddenly feeling.

And then he opened his mouth. "Bella, my sister Leah was gang-raped two years ago."

My heart beat halted at the word 'rape.'

But it picked up even faster as the words that had left Seth's mouth a few seconds ago settled into my inflexible mind.

He looked at the ground, his eyes retaining the misery and pain as Tanya held his hand, squeezing it ever so slightly. She seemed aware of his reaction, her own face twisting into a fiery expression of passion and hurt as she agonized with her love.

"Please, Bella. I just . . . I just want to _help." _He whispered. My heart tugged at his words. Of confusion or anxiety, I couldn't possibly define the feeling. But I knew that I _had _to give Seth a shot.

_And if this ends well, what will you do? _The voice whispered in the back of my mind, chiding at me, eating at my resolve.

_At the very least, I know that tried. _I whispered back in my mind, shutting down the pessimistic sentences that started to formulate.

"Okay . . . I'll go with you. But I do not want to have anything to do with the party. We are only going to sit on that bonfire place you have found and talk. However, I will not tolerate partying."

Seth's head snapped up, his eyes suddenly alight with a fire. He nodded and began leading the way towards the party.

Really, I should know what I am getting myself into. Shouldn't it be easier to play it safe rather than tampering with fire? I could always get burned, and if Seth were to ever betray my faith in him–or Tanya, for that matter–what could I possibly do to reassess the situation?

In thirty days or so, will I be regretting this decision?

The party was loud. Boys and girls of several ages ranging between what it appeared to be fifteen to twenty were dancing to the noisy, blistering music that grated at my ears. I wanted so badly to run away from the party.

And I was struggling against the memories that exploded in my mind.

"_Bella, you should have some drinks!" Jane shouted over the booming bass. The room was in a messy swirl; girls were heavily rubbing themselves against boys. _

"_No, no. I'm fine." I shouted back at her. _

"_Come on, Bella Stop being such a stuck-up and just drink that shit!" Jane screamed in my ear. The room seemed so pressing, everyone was suddenly rubbing against me, making me want to hurl. The awful stench of alcohol and cigarettes filled the air. _

_Jane shoved a shot of something yellow at me. I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Jane, I'm still a minor." I warned. _

"_Well, so am I! We're already thirteen, Bella! It's time for us to par-tay!" she laughed and threw her hands up in air, waving drunkenly. Then I reluctantly took the miniature glass from Jane's frantic hands. _

_Uncertain, I looked down at it. _

_From across the room, the Monster smiled._

"I have to get away from here," I groaned, my hands trembling, causing the hotdog I held in my hands to drop to the sand. Tanya rushed over to me and began to pat my back.

She soothed me with her hands, reminding me that I was here and not there. "Bella, Bella, Bella. Breathe, okay? Don't panic, please. I'm going to get you out of here."

Turning to where Seth was, she screamed, "Seth! Get two more hotdogs!"

She then hurried me along towards a more secluded place, away from the party. It was plentiful dark now, and the wind was breezing past my ears, tuning down the racing of my heart. I closed my eyes as Tanya and I stumbled towards the mystery place.

"Oh, shit." I heard her curse.

"Ugh, just when I thought I could claim this part of the beach." Seth groaned.

I reluctantly opened my eyes to see a series of willow trees, secretly hiding a small circle of arranged logs. The willows were making the scene so stunning that I found myself relaxing at the view.

And as immediate as my comfortable air around this new sight was, I stiffened.

For, sitting around a beautiful fire which danced about in blue flames, was Lauren Mallory's group of her so called 'friends.' They were staring at us, and Tanya's arm around me stiffened.

And Edward Cullen was smiling his wonderful crooked grin, seeming happy to see us here.

Why?

"Oh, I didn't know you guys were there." Lauren said in her nasal-like voice. It itched at my eardrums, and I bit my lip against the annoying sound. "Sorry, but we've already taken this place."

I could practically feel Tanya's teeth lock together. "But we saw it first–"

"Babe, it's not worth it. We'll just go find another place then." Seth interrupted her, his eyes looking into hers warningly. He stood by my right, his arms filled with hotdogs.

How, in the entire universe, were we supposed to finish that much food?

The wind whistled past me, the cold making me shiver a little. Goosebumps broke out throughout on my skin as I shook along with the floating leaves of the willow trees. The group that sat on the other side of the leaves seemed unconscious of the wind, warmed up by the statuesque fire.

"Hey, you guys can hang with us if you want."

There seemed to be an audible gasp from Lauren as Edward spoke. It was very silent afterwards, almost as if they were not anticipating his reaction to this at all.

But my eyes did not miss the beer bottles scattered all around the fire.

And I was sure that neither did his.

His smooth velvet had risen quietly above the silent night, soothing my ragged insides. I did not want to dwell on this, in fear that I might realize something I didn't want to realize.

Seth was the one who broke the quietness. "Um, no, I think we're better off finding another place."

I looked at him and he gazed evenly back. I wanted to talk to him, but I was not ready to reveal to him my past at the same time. It seemed painful for me, and perhaps I was stalling. All I knew now was that I needed some time before I could be fully ready.

And perhaps sitting with this group and eating hotdogs could help me gather my thoughts, to prepare myself for a catalyst so devastating.

Seth's expression turned soft and he nodded willingly. He bent down to whisper in my ear, "But you _will _tell me later."

I leaned back, forcing some bit of space between me and him. "Yes."

He sighed and turned towards Lauren and her friends. I kept my eyes away from Edward's, choosing to look at the fire instead. Something about it captivated me; the simple beauty driving me to wonder why it was blue instead of the typical orange.

"Are you guys willing to take up on Cullen's offer?" I heard Seth asking, but my eyes were focused on the fire.

There were murmurings all around.

And then, "Sure."

I did not know who was speaking, but it sounded like a short pealing of bells. It sounded soft, and yet loud at the same time. The voice definitely belonged to a girl.

Looking up, the small girl who looked like a dainty pixie was smiling kindly at me. She wore a varsity jacket, and underneath that, shorts and a single tank top.

Noticing that everyone sitting around the bonfire wore branded clothing, I could not help but feel pale in comparison.

"Come, Bella, let's go sit." Tanya pushed me slightly towards the one direction I had been avoiding: the log on which Edward Cullen was seated on, his long legs splayed out in front of him.

_Don't look any higher, Bella! _I warned myself.

I wanted so badly to turn and walk away, but something stopped me. Whether it was Seth's hand on the small of my back, or Tanya's arm wrapped securely around me, I didn't think I would make it to the place beside Edward Cullen.

However, I maintained whatever dignity I had and kept a careful two feet distance between me and him. Tanya sat down beside me whilst Seth lounged on the ground.

It was warmer here, but not as warm as I thought it would be. I pulled on my baggy sweater, keeping my eyes on the fire as I wore it. I tugged my hair out of the ponytail I'd been sporting and leaned in towards the brilliant fire.

But the strange electricity that buzzed between me and Edward Cullen soared higher than before, knocking me off guard. Unwittingly, I looked at him through my curtain of hair.

He was staring right through me.

The green in his eyes reflected the fire, making them seem almost black. But they smoldered.

_Vanessa! Think of Vanessa! _I screamed internally.

This time, though, it did not work.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Oh, wow! Thank you all so much for your very positive response to chapter three - and the story, for that matter - and I'm really glad that you liked my version of Edward. I know that he seems a little distant, but I figured that maybe his actions might add on to the fact that it's supposed to be realistic. If a guy likes a girl, wouldn't he warm up to her? That's what I thought. I do hope that you understand why Seth seems pretty closed off with talking about his family - what with Leah's predicament. There's more to his family story, though. But I trust that you will read on for the next few chapters to understand it. _

_ICantRemberSodAll: The date that Vanessa was born is July 22nd. I actually wanted to keep with the actual birth-date of Renesmee, but that would just mess up my storyline. _

_And, once more, I am fervently sorry for the delay in the updates. My computer is still under repairs, so I've been visiting the internet cafe every opportunity I could get. But even if I'm going broke now, I don't mind. Well, I hope you enjoyed this lengthy chapter! _

_Lastly, reviews are greatly appreciated. So please, leave one for me? ;)_

_-Serene._


	5. Keeping Secrets

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Five: Connection**

_Disclaimer: My Christmas wish wasn't related to snow or any of that sort. I was fervently wishing for Edward Cullen to drop by my dreams that night. _

_Bella_

_Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa . . . _I repeated my daughter's name like mantra –a prayer with no meaning –as I struggled to tear my eyes away from Edward Cullen's intense ones. He seemed to be sucking me in, the light of the fire casting long shadows underneath his green, green eyes. His cheekbones were high.

He looked like the angel of destruction.

And I could not comprehend why I felt so compelled to him in that moment of insight.

_Think of your baby, you ungrateful girl! _I screamed within me, my heart hyper-actively beating–it felt as though it could jump out of my chest any longer of this torturous moment.

It pained me to know how badly I wanted this so much–whatever connection I felt with Edward Cullen–and yet I couldn't have it. I was a lost cause. The only reason for my being alive was to protect my daughter, the will to live _for _her. I'd harnessed whatever happiness left within me just for Vanessa to be contented.

Everything I did, I did it for her.

And I would not let a simple boy disorder all that I have worked so hard for. I am already damned to an eternity worth of pain, however, I was not willing to subject to further anguish.

"Eddie!" Lauren squealed, and I could barely hear the breath I was holding in. Faint lines of pain rippled, reminding me once again that this was the present, and not the past. "Lend me your jacket, _please?_ I'm getting colder!"

I would not have anticipated the day that I would be grateful to Lauren for her intrusion, but here I was now.

The green eyed boy finally tore his eyes away from mine and I dropped my head, choosing to keep my gaze on the wonderful blue fire, which shimmered and crackled with blue flames that turned orange at the tips.

Seth sat on the ground, using his windbreaker as a blanket of sorts. He sat in the one feet distance between me and Tanya, who ran her fingers through his dark hair. It shined in the light of the fire.

Huddling deeper into my sweater, I bit off my hotdog, feeling it burn my tongue a little. I took the time to calm my muscles, to enjoy the faint heat of the fire. The salty air of the sea brought along with it the scent of the rustic woods.

"You're probably wondering why the fire's blue . . ." Seth murmured. Everyone quieted, whispered exchanges halted as they listened to what he was saying. I shifted on the log, adding another few inches in the space between me and Edward.

I spoke. "Are you speaking to me?"

He nodded and lifted his head to smile at me, flashing his white smile. "It's 'cause of the driftwood. Really cool, isn't it? The only problem is whether or not you can find enough stuff to keep the fire going."

"Should you ever mix the normal wood with driftwood, what would the result be?" I leaned in, hypnotized, because of the way he was speaking of the mysterious fire.

"I don't really know . . . I mean I've never felt the need to try, you know?" he turned back to the fire and devoured an entire hotdog as a whole. I tried not to risk the stupidity of gaping, seeing as there were people who were currently staring at me, looks of confusion and wonder written all over.

Lauren–I noticed–looked as though I had insulted her.

"You want to have a drink or something?" Tanya asked me, gesturing to her cup. "Don't worry, I didn't get any beer. I'm practically against alcohol."

Grateful, I nodded bashfully and touched the tip of her cup. She handed it to me and I peered in, the content revealing it to be Coke. I looked at her and whispered, "Do you mind?"

"Oh, not at all," she replied, tossing her blonde hair as she wrapped her arms around Seth's neck. "Just drink as much as you want."

Tipping my head back, I took a sip and brought it back to her. "Thank you." I whispered.

It was quiet, and I could feel Edward's gaze lingering on me. I dared not to look up, frightened that I might never look away once more. The strength to stay away from him was wavering ever so slightly.

And I was trying to rebuild it.

"So, Bella," Lauren began in a faux-cheery voice, "How're you finding Forks?"

My answer was deadpanned. "Wet."

In turn, I received various chuckles from my audience, including Edward Cullen, whose chuckle was the loudest–as loud as a chuckle could ever go, anyway. The little black haired girl smiled widely at me, as did the gorgeous blonde.

Lauren's face was patient, calm, hiding a certain emotion.

"That's all? But it hardly rained ever since you came." She scoffed.

"Mallory," Tanya raised an eyebrow at her, "The sun only shined on Tuesday and today. I don't think that's called 'hardly rained.'"

I fought against the urge to grin.

The infuriating blonde blinked–a sign that meant her fake patience was wearing off, "I wasn't talking to you, bitch."

Tanya shifted, anger glinting in her eyes as she opened her mouth, ready to lash out. I reached out and squeezed her shoulder, the action feeling completely strange and new. It felt as though I was restraining a small child.

"Hush now," I whispered gently. She turned to me and sighed. "Okay. But I'm doing this for you. If you're not here, I swear to god I would have–"

"Tanya," Cautioning her once more, Seth laughed silently, his shoulders shaking. He looked up to stare at her as he joked, "Babe, I think we're on a truce with them right now. Try and control your temper, yeah?"

She stuck her tongue out, and I was surprised at how childish she seemed. Even Vanessa had forgotten that bad habit a year ago. "Shut up, Seth. Or I won't let you touch me for the rest of the night."

He frowned, "Oh yeah? Think you can resist me? Do you want to bet?"

"Hell yeah," Tanya nodded–her usual light brown eyes pitch black. "I can definitely last the entire night without the need of feeling your skin on mine. Oh god, that sounded wrong, didn't it?" I let out a soft chuckle, effectively gaining the attention of everyone.

Looking down, my face heated up with precise warmth. Tanya nudged my arm, abruptly pushing me closer to Edward, who I happened to fall flat onto his lap.

Heat, electricity, and an instant _snap _connected me to him as I looked up to meet his amused but questioning gaze. He smiled that wondrous crooked smile of his. It did not seem as though he was surprised by this–his green eyes were alight with suppressed enjoyment.

I bit my lip, scrambling to push myself off his lap, my face ten shades of red by now. The chilly air did little to cool the heat of my face. I wondered how demented I looked like, and shook my head mentally.

Tanya, of course, blurted out, "Oh shit! I'm so, so sorry Bella!" She pulled on my arm, tugging me back onto my original position. I recoiled from the pressure, suddenly suffocated. It felt repulsing to me, how gruff and tight her grip was on me.

It reminded me of how the Monster had so competently grasped my arms, legs and thighs.

_Bella, what did I say about keeping a closed mind? This is not helping your situation!_ Someone was screaming within me.

"It's fine . . . just let me get my bearings." I whispered and took a deep breath. As I glanced at Edward Cullen once more, I realized that his eyes held morbid curiosity and an inquisitive look within them. He was reading me.

And god knows what he was thinking.

In a brusque manner, I got up, needing to take a walk and clear my thoughts. Perhaps the clear, sea breeze would help me to open my mind, to garner enough courage and bravery for my impending confrontation with Seth and Tanya.

Without meaning to, I found myself actually attached to the gangly boy and his girlfriend.

This was both dangerous and wrong. I was not protecting Vanessa's identity. No, it felt as though I was putting her out in the open, allowing people to view her and scrutinize her ability. I didn't want that for her, never.

I wanted her to be safe and happy. Was that so erroneous?

But Seth and Tanya had yet to tell anybody. I wondered, if they knew my story and understood it, would things be the same way as it was? The answer seemed so distant, so remote and aloof, that I had no way of anticipating it.

I only wish that this decision would not cost me Vanessa. She was my sanity.

"Where're you going, Bella?" Seth asked, sitting up straight. I looked down at him, a silent means of communication passing through us. He already knew anyway.

"Come back when you're ready." Tanya whispered, reaching to squeeze my hand as she smiled empathetically at me. I gave her a timid grin before turning around and heading for the pebbled beach.

For minutes, I just walked along the mile-long shore of First Beach. Mike Newton's party was on the furthest end, which gave me the opportunity to just walk north and gather my thoughts.

Moments like this reminded me of how I'd almost given up.

"_Park, Mama, Park!" Vanessa screamed, her two-year old hands waving frantically in the air at me, her mouth opened, screaming as she sobbed tearfully. It felt as though I was taking her life away by not bringing her to the park. Mom and Phil were out on a date, leaving me alone with my baby. _

_Mom had called every so often, checking in on me to make sure I was doing well. But being a fifteen year old and watching as the others around you got boyfriends and experimented with make-up and wonderful clothes, it was difficult to have to lie all the time. _

_I did not know whether or not to be grateful, or to be irritated by the way Mom was acting. She'd been the only one experienced enough to help me through Ness's newborn years. Even then, I had not gotten used to her crying. _

"_Mama, park!" she screamed, her legs kicking against my arms as I tried to restrain her. She was not having that, though, and she started kicking and punching in an accelerated manner, "Park, park, park!" _

_I winced as I felt my eardrums protesting in response to her cries. This was getting out of hand. Suddenly–deliberately out of nowhere–her little fist smacked against my eye, making me whirl back. Pain shot through my entire face as it collided with the wall. _

_Turning around, my daughter still cried, but her eyes were trained on me. I gave her the most hateful glare I had ever given anyone who ever existed. I felt my hands, sweaty and hot, itching to slap her, to hit her–anything to get her to shut up. _

_I gasped, realizing where the train of my thoughts had gone. Horror and disgusting fury washed over me, drowning me, as I wracked my brain. _

_So I did the only thing that I could think of in that moment of terror: I ran away._

_As I ran away from my daughter, running straight into the arms of the invitingly warm sofa, I shook with tension and abhorrence. How could I possibly think of hurting her? Why? There was no logical reasoning for me to hurt her. _

I bit my lip as I inhaled the salty air. I bent down to pick a pebble before standing straight and looking deep within it. How could one appear to be a cold rock, solid and irreplaceable, and yet not be unnoticed?

The memory I had unleashed earlier started back, gently and softly.

_Ness's sobs came closer as she walked wobbly to me, finding her way around the wall that covered her–or rather, _our–_room. She had recently learned how to walk, and now she toddled everywhere. _

_She came closer, her tears slowing and her cries softening, "Mama?" _

_I nodded, but made no move to touch her, frightened of what I might do. _

_She stretched her arms above her head, blinking as she said, "Sorry, Mama. Sorry." I unfolded myself from my position as a ball and reached for her, carrying her little body and feeling her warmth seep through my t-shirt. _

"_I know, baby. I'm sorry too." I kissed her forehead and felt the tears well up in the corners of my eyes. It had been years since I last cried. _

"_Kiss, Mama?" she asked. _

"_Yes, please," Leaning my head so that she could reach it, I felt her tiny, soft lips kiss my cheek sweetly. I cradled her until she was asleep, snoring quietly into the hollow of my throat. When my mother called once more in the next hour, I'd said the three words that I knew she wanted to hear. _

"_I'm not okay."_

My slow walk descended into a stop as I turned to stare at the dark waters, watching as the waves crashed onto the shore. It was not calm, but it appeared that way. The breeze was harsher here than it was in the cover of the willow trees.

"Hello." A deep, musical voice rumbled from somewhere beside me. I jumped –startled by the sudden revelation that someone was here with me and I had not realized it. I whirled around and saw Edward Cullen standing beside me, his face earnest in the minimum light.

I did not know whether I should reply or not. Instead of giving him the civilized response, I merely nodded and looked ahead into the water. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you _doing here?" he countered.

Ah, yes, _what _was I doing here, standing beside the boy who looked so much like a Greek god, who I felt so subdued to, bound by a connection unfathomable. What, exactly, could the future hold for me? I was already at my limit.

I did not answer him.

He shifted–something of which I could see from my peripheral vision. "I'm sorry. Are . . . are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Don't lie to me. I can see that little pucker in between your eyes. It's a crease that you make whenever you're upset, which is majority of the time."

I was in the middle of saying an angry retort when I stopped myself, just in time. Since when did Edward Cullen noticed my frown? "When did you–"

"I, um, I, uh . . . I'm making a fool of myself aren't I?" He shuffled, picking up a pebble and examining it. Even in the dim moonlight, I could tell that it was brown in color.

Stifling the urge to chuckle was nearly impossible, and I let out a single grin, hoping that he could see that I was not all that mad at him, "Pretty much, yes." He turned to look at me, grinning widely, making me catch my breath; effectively sprinting my already fast-beating heart.

"I knew it! You _can _make jokes!" Edward laughed, throwing his head back as he guffawed. I could not see his eyes, but I could tell that they were twinkling. He always had that rare shimmer whenever he found something amusing or worth laughing at.

And this meant that he faked his smiles and laughs nearly all the time.

"Of course I can make jokes. What sane person in this world would not be able to cast jokes?" I wondered aloud, looking away from his handsome face and tracing the pebble I still held in my own hands.

He was quiet; thinking. And then, "You know . . . you're not so bad when it comes down to it."

"Neither are you." I replied instantly, naturally. Where did this come from, though? I could not comprise why I wasn't walking away from him. Talking to him felt as though I have been talking to a member of my family; open, and entirely relaxed.

This scared me.

He broke the silence, clearly uncomfortable by the sudden change of atmosphere as I was. "Hey, if you need anything . . . please don't hesitate to tell me or anything. If you need a listening ear, I'm here. I know you told me to leave you alone, but I can't because for some reason . . . I just can't. Let's leave it at that."

I tried everything I could to look away from his penetrating gaze, but it was futile. Meaningless, even, because I found myself staring into his brilliant orbs right after the last words left his mouth, spiraling themselves in my mind.

What did I do to deserve this much of trepidation, I might never know.

But I did know that Edward was someone special, and no matter what I did, I would not be able to resist him any longer. Instead of tampering with fate, I might as well allow some of it–whatever 'it' was–to happen.

At the very least, Edward could be my friend. He would always be my biggest what if, but I knew deep in my heart that I had to at least _try. _I did not come to Forks for a repeat of what happened in Jacksonville.

I came for a new start. Taking a deep breath, I whispered, "I'm sorry. It's just . . . I really cannot be more than friends with you. "

"Oh." He replied simply, hiding some emotion. We were quiet, and then I spoke. "But I'm willing to just be friends. Or we could at least try to."

_What? Bella, are you out of your mind? Do you not know what danger this poses to your daughter? The more you have friends, acquaintances, colleagues, the more you risk yourself of getting hurt! _A small part of me screamed at the rest.

And what it was saying was true.

But I could not ignore Edward for the rest of my stay here in Forks. I would not be able to. This did not mean that I was going to fall in love with him. That was the biggest taboo of all. If he knew about Vanessa, he would surely be repugnant.

This was the problem I was willing enough to face. There were too many difficulties, and yet so little solutions to them. I had barely enough time to face them, much less solve the riddles.

Edward's tightened eyes softened as he read my eyes. He already knew so much about me, and yet it was never enough. He would be my friend, and that was that.

Why was it not enough for me? Why was my heart yearning for more, to reach up and touch his chiseled features as he stared at me now? Why did I ask myself so many questions whenever I was with him, near him, close to him?

What is it about Edward Cullen that made me want to bury myself in the warmth he presented?

"Is there someone else?" he questioned, cocking an eyebrow but not releasing his tender gaze. His voice was not accusatory, but curious.

As I shook my head, he only nodded, faint relief evidently present in his face. "Okay. Guess I'm cool with friends."

We shared a grin then; his was wide, mine was timid and barely there, but still visible. The intensity in his eyes smoldered against my face, flushing my cheeks as he continued to stare at me. He opened his mouth–still serious and thinking heavily, "What's your favorite color?"

I thought back, slightly taken aback by his sudden question. "Green . . ." I murmured, thinking of his eyes and the way it held his soul. It was like an open book for me. No one seemed to look at him like I did.

"Why green? It's the color of vomit." He grimaced. Clearly his thoughts were not on the same page as mine was.

"I still think it is beautiful."

"All right, give me a few examples of the green representing beauty, and I might let you off." He seemingly joked, though the wonder was well hidden in his eyes. It took me a while to frame my answer properly in my mind without thinking of his eyes.

The moment I had everything ready, I whispered, "Green is the color of the leaves in the spring, right after the cold winter, which brings nothing but dread. It is a sign of hope, vibrant and yet dark at the same time. It can stand out, or it can fade into the background. It is wonderful, delightful, and _warm." _

He contemplated my words, "Bella?"

Why, oh why, did I like the way my name rolled off his tongue in such an inviting manner?

"Yes." I nodded.

"Are you sure you're seventeen?" he leaned in, squinting, as he tried to understand me.

I could not help the tiny laugh. "Yes."

"You don't act seventeen. I feel like I'm talking to a thirty year old woman. It kind of makes me feel . . . I don't know–odd, maybe? Oh wait, 'weird' is a better word to phrase it. You sound like my mom." He laughed at my disbelief.

"Am I really that formal?" I questioned.

"Yeah," he shook his head, smiling that amazing lopsided grin. "But it's nice; refreshing. It's better than talking to Lauren or Jessica or Kate. Talking to my sister is just irritating, and talking with Rosalie is like talking to a rock."

He has a sister? Who?

I voiced that out.

"Oh, you know the black haired dwarf that's so tiny you almost feel like she's a child? Yeah, she's my sister, along with my brother, who is the biggest guy you can find in the school, apart from Principal Greene." He smiled at some memory.

Pretending to understand what he meant, I remembered that Seth and Tanya were waiting.

And then I recalled Vanessa.

I know that hoping was pointless–the mere thought of wishing that they would understand my past seemed both doomed, and forlorn. "I suppose I need to get back . . ." I whispered reluctantly.

He looked at me tentatively, a hint of wonder touching his godlike face. Then he reached out and touched my shoulder, his eyes a million eyes away but altogether at the same time.

Electricity burned my skin, stinging as I felt the rush from his touch run through my entire body. It seemed stronger now than it ever was before, when minor brushes of fingers and shoulders proved to mean nothing to him intentionally touching me.

"Whatever your problem is, I hope it gets resolved. You shouldn't frown; you look beautiful when you're smiling." He smiled and withdrew his fingers splayed on my shoulder, my heart racing and my cheeks flushed crimson red.

I knew not to take his compliments too seriously.

"_You're so beautiful today, Isabella. I love the t-shirt on you." The Monster–back when I thought that he was an innocent, carefree man–grinned at me. _

The jolt I received afterwards had me frazzling to build back my safeguards.

"I must go." I said icily to Edward, never meaning it, but he could hear the menace in my voice. He backed away, looking surprised.

As I strode back to the bonfire where Seth and Tanya were waiting, I could not help but relish in the memory of Edward's fingers settling themselves on my shoulder, touching the very end of my collarbone. It ignited a somewhat fire that burned against the rest of my rational self.

My phone vibrated once, indicating that someone texted me. I flipped it open without a pause in my brisk walk.

_Bells, Ness's looking for you. She can't sleep without you here with her. I've already read her Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Puss in Boots, Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs. When are you coming home? –Dad_

Of course she wouldn't sleep. She hates fairy tales that were too boyish. I was quick to reply him.

_I don't know. Soon, hopefully, but in the meantime, try reading her Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or the Twelve Dancing Princesses. She'll love those. –Bella_

The text I got back was short.

_Thanks. Come home safely, or do you need me to pick you up? –Dad_

_It's fine. If you pick me up, who's going to take care of Vanessa? You can't just bring her along. You know how she is when her sleep is disturbed. I can get Seth to drive me home. –Bella_

_Are things going fine? –Dad_

I did not text him back.

Tanya was the first one to see me. Seth was busy eating another hotdog, playing with Tanya's hands as he gazed deeply into the fire. His eyes were an echo of the blazing fire.

She nudged Seth's shoulder gently and he looked up at her, smiling, before turning around to glimpse me. I nodded grimly, willing for him to understand my demeanor. He looked confused for a brief moment, and then his eyes clouded, realization dawning.

"Hey, Tanya," he looked at his girlfriend, who was already looking deep into his eyes. "I think we should be getting home."

Tanya murmured a quick agreement and started picking up all our rubbish. I went over to help them, but by the time I had taken the required six steps to reach their place, they had all finished the job. Sheepishly, I bit my lip and looked down.

"Let's go?" Seth suggested.

I turned to look at Lauren's group, only to find myself shocked to see Edward already seated on the same log. How did he come up behind me without my noticing? He seemed to have the talent of sneaking up on people.

He caught my eye and grinned–one so small that I could have imagined it–before shifting over to speak to the equally beautiful blonde. I now knew the names, but could not place their faces.

Edward had only revealed to me that his sister was the girl who closely resembled a fairy; cute, enchanting, and almost magical. As I analyzed the girl, I came to a certain stand still.

They did not look alike.

Why was I even bothered by this in the first place?

Tanya reached for my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, mistaking my distraught expression for another reason. I gave her a smile, one big enough to voice out to her that I was not sad by any means.

I could only hope that she would listen and not be horrified by my past.

We said goodbye to the group of people who had so willingly shared their ominous bonfire with us, the bulky guy grinning wider than before. He looked exactly as how I would deem a big brother to be. That was when I realized he was the one who was eligible enough to be Edward's brother.

This boy looked as if he could carry heavy loads. His appearance gave him away.

Trying not to dwell on this, I followed Seth out of the warm space in-between the willows. Perhaps when I visited La Push once more, I could show this spectacular little sight to Ness and show her the brilliant blue flames that I seemed to like so much.

It was quiet, the three of us thinking and assembling our thoughts. Comically, I was the one who had to wait for them to start speaking first. We passed by Mike Newton's party, and I instinctively looked away, painful memories arising to the top of my mind.

Walls of which I had so carefully built were going to have to be placed down tonight. I did not dare hope, in fears that it would only be wishful, nonessential thinking.

As Seth led me and Tanya to his car, I began to think of different outcomes. There were many negative, malevolent thoughts that circled my mind. I could not help my mood dampen further.

But whenever I felt my shoulders droop, Edward's words whispered in my ears, comforting me. Though it was not nearly endearing, and possibly just the slightest peace of encouraging, I sought the strength I needed from it.

We got into his car, and he switched on the engine so as to allow the air-conditioning to work. It was slightly warmer in his car, and the familiar scent of leather eased some of the pressure.

"Listen, Bella . . . you don't have to tell us anything if you don't want to. I don't want you to feel that you owe us anything." Seth began, uneasily looking ahead. Tanya was seated beside me, shoulders hunched.

I cleared my throat. "It's not that . . . I-I _want _to tell you." The words I spoke were from deep inside me, a part that wanted so desperately to keep my friends. I had learned how difficult it was to cope with the alienation; the knowledge that no one wanted to hang around a girl with a daughter.

They didn't know the truth then, but regarding the circumstances now, could I avoid a future like my past at Jacksonville?

Seth and Tanya were quiet and patient as they waited for me to speak.

I took a deep breath, unleashing the memories I had hidden.

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey," Jane Fanning, one of my best friends, greeted me. "Bella did you know that my brother's going to hold a party for the seniors later on tonight?" <em>

_I looked up from my book–Pride and Prejudice, no less, and smiled at her, "Hi Jane. How was Gym, did you see Felix?" _

_She blushed and shook her head furiously. "Ssh, don't say that name around here! Besides, Felix is . . . his gym class got placed back with Foster. Can you believe the nerve of that man? It's stupid!" _

_Ah, yes. Jane and her ever present crush on Felix Cudmore seemed to create such a fuss with our batch-mates. Felix was our senior, fifteen years old, best friends with her twin brother, Alec. _

"_Relax, Jane." I soothed her. She could be sadistic and a little overbearing at times, but she was my best friend, the only person who had ever sought after me and tried to look past my shy exterior. Behind my quiet façade, Jane knew how much I cherished my friends. _

"_Ugh, can you just seriously focus on the subject at hand instead?" she tugged on her long, blonde locks. "Anyway, Alec's holding a party, and you're invited to come. In fact, _everyone's _invited to come." _

_I gaped. "How did he get in contact with so many people?" Alec was only thirteen, for crying out loud. _

"_Oh, it beats me. Whatever the case, you're coming over to my house and I'm going to do you. I'll have you looking gorgeous as shit when I'm through with you!" _

_Chastising her, I could feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. "Jane, watch your language!" _

"_Yes, _Mom." _She growled, obviously annoyed. Her expression faltered, and then she smiled her coy grin. "And FYI, You-Know-Who is coming." _

"_No way," I gasped. "No, no way!" _

"_Uh-huh. So you better thank my dear brother for inviting him! I can't believe it though, James Hunter coming over to our party? It's nearly impossible! Imagine how popular he is!" Jane thrilled, grabbing my hands. "Okay, we've got no time to dilly-dally. Let's go to my house _now!"

_As we walked out of Jacksonville Junior High, a familiar Toyota crawled past us, the window rolling down. Out of the opened window, I stopped in my tracks and immediately started blushing. _

"_You're so beautiful today, Isabella. I love the t-shirt on you." James winked at me. Jane gasped and clutched my arm, squealing. _

_James was not alone. Alec and Felix sat in the Toyota, looking supreme and cool. They laughed as they heard Jane's squealing, the evidence of my blushing proving to be an element of their amusement. _

_They drove away and I stood grounded to the grassy patch of land which I stood on. It was just impossible. Did James Hunter . . . _the _James Hunter–who happened to be Mr. Unattainable–compliment me? _

_I looked down onto my shirt and grinned. Green was certainly my favorite color now. _

"_That's it, Bella. You're so lending me that shirt!" Jane grabbed my shirt in a bunch and began dragging me to her home. I was still blushing and lightheaded, unable to come to terms to what had happened to me earlier. _

_Hours later, I was dressed in a wonderful blue ensemble–a deep blue V-neck dress that slid all the way down my thigh, the zipper placed at the back. It had spaghetti straps which were too loose and fell off my shoulders. _

_The dress looked beautiful, and as I stared at the mirror, I didn't recognize who I was staring at. _

_My face–which was supposed to look glamorous–looked like how a stripper's face would look like. Too much eyeliner and bright red lipstick lined my face. _

_I didn't like the way I looked. But Jane claimed that I looked wonderful. Compared to her, though, I felt like a clown. She wore an innocent white dress that had no sleeves at all. _

"_Bella, you should have some drinks!" Jane shouted over the booming bass. The room was in a messy swirl; girls were heavily rubbing themselves against boys._

"_No, no. I'm fine." I shouted back at her._

"_Come on, Bella Stop being such a stuck-up and just drink that shit!" Jane screamed in my ear. The room seemed so pressing, everyone was suddenly rubbing against me, making me want to hurl. The awful stench of alcohol and cigarettes filled the air._

_Jane shoved a shot of something yellow at me. I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Jane, I'm still a minor." I warned._

"_Well, so am I! We're already thirteen, Bella! It's time for us to par-tay!" she laughed and threw her hands up in air, waving drunkenly. Then I reluctantly took the miniature glass from Jane's frantic hands._

_Uncertain, I looked down at it._

_I looked up and caught James's wicked grin, one that seemed to make my heart stop. He just looked unbelievably handsome in that t-shirt of his. I liked how it featured his muscled arms, ones that I'd always dreamed of holding me. _

_He walked over to where I was and grinned wider. "Just drink, Isabella, it's going to be fine. I'll take care of you, I promised." _

_But I shook my head. "I can't . . ."_

"_Too noble, now, are we? Does your mom know you're even at this party?" he raised an eyebrow as I flushed guiltily. For all Mom knew, I was over at Jane's, having a sleepover. _

"_I really _can't, _James. Alcohol is just-OW!" I protested. He had gotten a good grip of my dress, pulling me to him as he bit down my shoulder. It didn't seem sexual, instead, it hurt. _

"_Let me go, James, _please." _I begged him, suddenly frightened of what was going to happen next. Perhaps he was the drunkard. _

_And thankfully, he did let go of me. His eyes, however, scared me. They were analyzing, calculating. I was starting to get really worried. _

_I grabbed my jacket from the kitchen counter. I would explain to Jane later, see what she would think of it first. But for now, I needed to get out of here. Never mind my bag; I would come back for it the next day._

_As I hurried down the street towards my house–which was a mere mile away from Jane's–I felt a presence coming up from behind me. Shock and cold fear ran down my spine, causing me to crumple in fear._

_I turned around and jolted when I saw James, already unbuttoning his shirt. "You know, _Isabella," _he spat my name. "You should learn how to accept a drink when it's being given to you. You should learn how to be grateful."_

_My instincts kicked in. It would do no good for me to talk to him, to beg for him to stop whatever he planned on doing. _

_I forced my mouth to open, letting out a deadly scream. _

_But his hands were large as he gagged me. And then he was dragging me into a dirty alley, unzipping my dress as he did so, murderously digging into my skin, nails scratching . . . _

"Oh my god, Bella, I'm . . . I'm . . ." Tanya was speechless, her eyes shocked and utterly heartbreaking to look at. Seth nodded at me, understanding lighting up his eyes. He knew the pain I'd went the through.

"So . . . that was really your daughter? What's her name?" he asked me gently. I smiled gratefully at him, but dared not to look at Tanya, who had her hands clenched around my own.

I answered him, "Vanessa. Her name is Vanessa Swan."

He beamed back. "That's a wonderful name." I nodded, risking a glance at his girlfriend, who looked deathly pale in the moonlight. "It is. And so is my daughter's personality."

"How did you find out you were pregnant?" Tanya asked me, managing to find her voice.

* * *

><p><em>I felt myself spiral into a crushed ball onto the floor, sobbing like there was no life in me. The multiple pregnancy tests I held in my hands screamed positive, and I could not bear to look at them. <em>

_For two months, I have kept quiet. Sidelong, worried glances were exchanged between Mom and Phil, but they never questioned me. Now, with a fetus inside of me, I could barely cope with the idea of telling Mom. _

_She would be so disappointed. She might even kick me out of the house. _

_And then where would I go? Jane no longer stood by me ever since that night of the party. Everyone I've ever spoke to have also started to whisper about me behind my back. There were theories that I had gone catatonic, even insane, as I walked past them, pretending to be oblivious._

_They never knew. I was too scared to tell anyone. He had threatened me before._

_Why didn't I see it before? I haven't gotten my period for two months now. And even though I'd only started menstruating for only a year, I haven't missed one either. All those sleeping in, the desires for certain types of food, the vomiting. . ._

_Mom's voice hurried into the bathroom, cutting off as soon as she saw my tearful, scared eyes. "Bella, honey, what's wrong?" _

_That was when she looked at what I held. Her eyes widened, but she didn't gasp like I thought she would. Instead, her mouth hung open, hand flying to her throat. "Oh, Bella . . ." she trailed off. _

_My eyes–of their own accord–started to bawl once more. My shoulders began shaking harder than ever, and I curled into a loose ball. "I'm so sorry, Mom . . . I'm so sorry . . ." _

"_Sweetie . . . oh, Bella, what happened?" she sat beside me in disbelief, wrapping her tender arms around my quaking figure. "James, M-mom, he-he . . . Mom, he _raped _me." I finally confessed, the ocean of grief and fear overwhelming me and breaking through my whole disposition. _

I came back to the present, wincing as I wrapped my thin arms around my stomach, trying to keep myself from releasing too many memories. I didn't want to dwell further on the past. Tanya and Seth were quiet, contemplating my story.

And then Seth spoke. "Bella, if you're thinking that we're going to leave you in the dust, you're wrong. We will never do that. You're our friend, Bella. And if there's any way in which I can find that James guy, I will, and then I will murder him myself–"

"I do not think that is advisable, Seth. He is already locked away in prison." I assured him. Tanya leaned her head on my shoulder, and I felt a few wet tears soak through my sweatshirt, surpassing the barrier of my t-shirt.

"He's right. I will _never _leave you. Now that I know what happened . . . there's nothing I want more than to be here for you. And besides, who's going to be there with me to watch as I kick Lauren's butt?" Tanya ended her earnest words with a lighthearted note.

I smiled, one filled with so much genuine relief and efficacious. "Thank you," I murmured fervently.

"Well in that case, let's drive you home, Bella." Seth said cheerily, the atmosphere lightening. Both he and Tanya already knew what to do–that much I was aware of. They knew I wouldn't want to repeat the restoration of my past any longer. They knew how it pained me, and they were not going to further dwell on it.

For that, I was eternally grateful that they seemed so perceptive.

Who would have thought that years of solitude would have brought me back true friends I never even knew existed? Certainly not me, or perhaps this was just the real beginning if after. Perhaps there were even brighter times ahead.

Seth pulled up the drive of my house. We got out individually and they sent me to my front-door. I hugged Tanya as well as Seth, the action holding so much meaning within itself.

Back then, I would have not anticipated so much comfort from a meaningless hug, but now, it seems, a hug could hold so much more than meanings. The door opened, and Dad burst out, holding a struggling Vanessa in his arms.

His eyes were wary as he took in Seth and Tanya's simultaneously shocked reactions. I only grinned wide and held my arms out to my daughter, who had yet to notice them. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck as I held her tightly to me.

I relished in the warmth she had, burying my face in her curls and inhaling her baby powder scent.

"Mommy, Mommy!" she laughed joyfully, her cute little voice holding so much contagious happiness. "I missed you, Mommy! Grandpa said that I should sleep first, but then I can't! Because you weren't there, Mommy, I love you!"

Smiling at my daughter's adorable words, I kissed her hair and pulled back to look her. "Ness, I want you to meet Mommy's friends. They are good people, and they have helped me through difficulties today."

Finally, her eyes zeroed in on Seth, and then Tanya. Gasping, she leaned in to whisper loudly into my ear, "Mommy! The lady is so _pretty!" _

I laughed and nuzzled her cheek. "Yes, baby, and her name is Tanya. Can you say Aunty Tanya, sweetie?"

"Aunty Tanya," she experimented, looking up thoughtfully. Then she smiled and reached for her. Tanya looked lost, and she stared at me wonderingly. I nodded at her and offered Vanessa for her to carry.

Gently, Tanya wrapped her hands around Ness's armpits as she lifted her off my arms. She didn't seem to struggle with Ness's weight, which bothered me, because my baby was four years old. Most people would have found it difficult to carry her.

Vanessa giggled, "Hi, Aunty Tanya!"

"Hello, Vanessa." To her credit, Tanya leaned in to hold her more tightly against her skinny frame. She looked completely at home with my daughter. Seth was smiling at the image, and I knew that he was picturing Tanya in a different picture; this time, she was holding his own child in her arms.

"What about me, Chocolate?" Seth asked brokenly, holding his wide hands out towards my daughter. "Don't you want to let me carry you?"

Vanessa took one look at Seth's face and grinned. "You look like Jake!" she thrilled. My eyebrows rose, and I realized that what she was saying was the truth.

Apparently, I was not the only one with secrets.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I would like to apologize for the week-long delay of updating TBOA. I have just gotten back my laptop - thank god! - and now I'm hogging it as much as I can. School year is starting once more from where I'm from, and now I must admit that the updates will be slightly less consistent than it already is. But other than that, I hope that you'll still stay on the wagon with me! I certainly enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. It broke my heart when I wrote the parts whereby James was cornering Bella, and I think I might have unleashed some unwanted content. _

_So I apologize for the delay once more, and I just wish that most of you are still interested in the story. Have you guys read Speak? Or even read the book? I watched and read it, and it literally killed me. I didn't watch it because Kristen Stewart was in it, but I had to in order to gain some inspiration. I never knew how influential and heartbreaking a single book and movie could be . . ._

_And so this leaves us with me begging you guys for a review! Any comments on the new chapter? =) _

_-Serene. _


	6. Edward: Her Eyes

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Preview: Her Eyes**

_Disclaimer: I may own that new year's eve party hat, but I certainly don't own Twilight. _

_Edward_

Ah, yes, _her _eyes.

What more can I say about them?

The first time I saw her, I was completely blown away. Those magnificent orbs were the ones that caught my eye. She was speaking to Lauren at first, hiding her irritation and confusion well. She had the tendency to bite her bottom lip, which seemed slightly fuller than her upper one.

It was parted, showing the slight hint of perfect teeth.

But her focus had wandered over to me, the motion shocking me at first.

And then I saw her eyes, _really _read them properly. They were haunted. Eyes that were guarded and holding so much emotion, it made me want to wrap my arms around her thin frame, protecting her against the world that she seemed so frightened of.

Throughout the week, I had been wishing to talk to her. The encounter at Biology that I had with her stunned me–shocked me, actually. No one treated me the way she did. Her brown eyes held her soul, it seemed.

She was so guarded, and I could feel myself want to know more about the mysterious girl.

Earlier on, when I'd stormed out after her, seeking the one chance to at least speak with her–I couldn't help myself. She was just too tempting, even when she basically told me to get lost.

I couldn't find it within me to just . . . leave her. Something wasn't right with her, and I wanted to help. But she didn't want that, I could tell. Emmett called me a good judge of character, someone who could easily read one's true intentions and soul. Alice nicknamed me as a mind-reader, but that was far from the truth.

They weren't my real siblings, and they hardly knew what happened to my real mother and father. I didn't want to scare them with that story.

Her eyes . . . distant into the ocean, her wonderful, seraphic face troubled as she bent down to pick an irregular pebble, rough and smooth at the same time. I wanted so badly to touch that face of hers, to ease that crease between her eyes.

I wanted her to smile.

Never have I ever felt this way towards a single girl before. Never in my entire life did I feel the exact intrigue and wonder that this girl held for me. She wasn't a challenge, no, she seemed as though she came at the right time.

She came when I'd lost all interest in living life. Her eyes–matured before her years–made me think that she knew things that I could never know of. Brown, breath-taking eyes that were secretive and always paranoid; I yearned to take her fear away.

Emmett called me a hopeless romantic, Alice urged me to make my move on her. They knew that girls chased me, and I've never reacted in any way towards them. Lauren, despite her few years sticking like an incessant glue to us, had tried making her play for me countless of times.

I refused her; she was superficial. Everything about her repulsed me: her voice, her face, even her _smell. _As if I needed any of that.

But the girl and her brown eyes . . .

Ah, yes, those eyes of hers.

They were amazing.

* * *

><p><em>AN: You guys are probably going to kill me for not giving a full chapter with Edward's POV, but I finally decided to make this an almost all-Bella point of view story. Of course, there's little snippets of Edward's mind - which I know you guys are eager to know about. I hoped you liked it, though, because I certainly like writing this preview. Since this is a really short chapter, I won't be expecting much reviews . . . I mean . . . not that I wouldn't mind if you guys decide to review anyway. =) I'm not making sense now, aren't I? Sorry for that. HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE, EVERYONE! _

_Obviously, I would be a sinner if I didn't admit that I enjoy reading your reviews. And also, a BIG shout-out to MeFromMars, who just so happens to read my other story, Can You Keep A Secret? thank you for your support, because people like you inspire me to write better. =) _

_-Serene. _


	7. Vulnerability

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Six: Vulnerability**

_Disclaimer: In my dreams, Edward is murmuring to me that I'm the owner of Twilight. _

_Bella_

Seth's hazel-like eyes were wide, evident horror rising up to highlight the terror of which he seemed to display. I pursed my lips, not wanting to question him. I knew how it was like to hear things you have been desperately trying to keep at bay.

Vanessa, though, seemed oblivious. "Mommy, doesn't he look like Jake?"

It was the truth. Comparing Jacob Black's round face with Seth's somewhat muscled one, they resembled one another closely. With the exception of their eyes–Jacob's was black–they looked like brothers at the most.

This would be the period where I was supposed to be scorned. Why would I have to tell my secret if he did not want to tell his? But I'd chosen to keep my mouth shut instead. Seth would tell me in his own time and pace.

Opening my arms in an effort to take Ness from Tanya, I cradled her against me. From the way her eyelids were vastly drooping, my daughter would be asleep within a few minutes.

"Thank you, Seth," I looked up at the gangly teen, "for everything. You as well, Tanya, I could not have asked for better friends than the two of you . . ."

His eyes distinctively looked towards his girlfriend, who now had one hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. She gave him a look before pulling me towards her, with Ness acting as a barrier between the awkward hug. My baby giggled at the contact before her plump lips opened into a round 'O.'

Next time, I shall get Dad to interact more with her, so that she wouldn't be so tired staying up for me. This was wrong; she needed her rest.

My usual, inner voice was quietly agreeing with my assessment. It was more maternal than self-imposed.

"Anytime, Bella . . . call me if you need anything, okay? Do you have my number?" Tanya asked.

I nodded, and she audibly relaxed. Turning to my daughter, whose eyes were halfway closed, I whispered to her ear, "Say goodbye to Aunty Tanya and Uncle Seth, sweetie."

She immediately perked up, "Bye-bye Aunty Tanya, Uncle Seth!"

Tanya let out a laugh, smiling warmly at her before touching her soft cheek. Seth grinned–albeit shakily–and mussed her hair. Dad's presence behind me grew edgier as the minutes passed. Even though I could not see his face, I could tell that he was worried by the way Seth was acting.

I would not say that I trusted them with my life per se–perhaps something less extravagant than that. Although I felt guilty for this, I could not help it. After everything that has happened to me, I found it extremely difficult to give my trust away.

How do I trust when I have forgotten how to?

"See you, Chocolate. Bella . . . we'll pick you up on Monday?" Seth grinned at Ness before smiling tentatively at me. He met my gaze, courage displaying in his hazels. I gave him a small smile in return, appreciating his trying to act normal; it was not an easy feat.

Also, Ness seemed to love her new nickname. She loves chocolate nearly as much as she loves me and her teddy-bear.

They piled out, Tanya waving out at us. Her blond hair still shone even in the dark, and towards my daughter, you would think that she was a life-sized Barbie doll.

"Mommy," my daughter yawned, "Grandpa already gave me my bath. Do I need to bathe again?"

I kissed her hair and brought her in, ignoring my father's persistent gaze. "No, sweets, Mommy will just take a quick shower, and then we shall go to sleep. Or if you want, would you like to sleep ahead of me?"

She pulled back, her chocolate brown eyes wide with surprise, "No!"

"Baby, you need your sleep." I gently chided her, touching her heavily lidded eyes. We were at the foot of our bed now, the night breeze blowing in through the opened windows. It was frosty.

"You need it more," she whispered as I laid her down and tucked her in. "I haven't seen you so tired, Mommy. I'm sorry."

"Vanessa Swan, what are you sorry for? You haven't done anything wrong, my petal." Heart clenching against her worried expression, I immediately blamed my own self for showing vulnerability in front of her.

She did not need to suffer alongside me.

As she bit her lip–a habit she had picked up from me, I assumed–she mumbled, leaning into the feather pillows, "It's nothing."

I eyed her doubtfully, not fully trusting her words. "Ness–"

"Yes, Mommy, I know. I shouldn't lie to you, because lying is bad. But, sometimes, you're different, Mommy. Sometimes you become sad. And I think it's my fault."

"It is not you, baby. Mommy is just really . . . tired. But whatever happens, I'll always be here for _you. _Vanessa, you are more important than anything else. I love you, even more than my own life."

There was certainty coloring my tone, passion and sheer love for my daughter overshadowing the grief that presented itself. I would only tell her about the truth when she was old enough to understand.

I could not help but feel the slight pride that _I _would be the one bringing this amazing girl up. She was precious, a diamond in a rack of jewels. Nothing else compared to her.

My baby looked up at me, eyes shining with innocence and sweet lullabies. "I love you too, Mommy." And then she touched her locket and smiled, "More than my own life."

The night passed by sleeplessly. My mind kept on playing games with me, endlessly replaying the memories I had garnered today. It felt as though I was watching a movie from the way I had woken up, to wishing for normality, and then hitting the climax.

Edward Cullen . . . we were friends now, were we not? So why was it that I could not wait for the next day to pass by quickly?

The racing of my heart indicated that I was not merely anticipating it; I was _thirsting _for it. This frightened me, for I have never felt immensely towards any other person other than my family.

Sunday passed by uneventfully, with thoughts of Seth, Edward and of course, Vanessa, running through my mind. They seemed to swim around in elliptical circles around my head, making me feel giddy with annoyance.

Ness spent the day playing with Dad and her toys. Sue was not due until tomorrow and while my daughter's voice echoed throughout the dull house–there could not have been any other words to use–I spent my time wisely.

Sitting in the living room with Dad and Ness, I did my homework, double checking it when I was finished. The essay we had to do in English was simple enough, and it was only Trigonometry that I had slight difficulty with. I just could not get the sums in my provoking mind.

But nevertheless, with Vanessa singing a song she had heard from _Barney, _I found enough inspiration to finish off the work load. It was, however, only four in the afternoon.

As though on cue, my phone chimed from its place beside me as I combed through my baby's wet hair–she had just recently taken a bath. It was still warm today, and I wanted to go outside and breathe in the clear, untainted air.

Ness had other ideas, though. She seemed to be absolutely exhausted from the day before, thus my staying inside the house with her.

_Bella, _the text read, _what did you write your essay on? I need your help ASAP! –Tanya. _

I chuckled once; Ness turned to look at me. Giving her a quick kiss on her forehead, I resumed combing through her brown curls as I simultaneously texted Tanya back. _I wrote about whether or not William Shakespeare's treatment of women in his stories is misogynistic. –Bella. _

The reply came not seconds later. _You do know that I have absolutely no idea what you just said? –Tanya. _

_I do, that is why you should read more of his works closely. –Bella. _

_All right, fine. You win. See you tomorrow. –Tanya. _

Snapping my phone shut, Dad turned to me, asking, "Who was that?"

"Tanya," I answered, "She wanted to know what I was writing about in my essay."

His expression almost seemed . . . satisfied. Dad's smile was wide, though not entirely different from the smile he always gave his grandchild. "I'm glad you're starting to make friends, honey." He mused, watching Ness fighting back her drowsy eyes.

"Baby, why don't you take a nap?" I told her, holding her sleepy body against mine. She shook her head–curls bouncing wildly–and murmured, "Later I won't be able to sleep."

Dad cut in, "Sure, do whatever you want, Ness. But my bets are that you'll be falling asleep in less than six seconds."

I laughed, watching my daughter as she made a face at my father. Then she reached over to pat his hand, stretching as she moved to take a seat on his lap. My arms instantly missed her small, warm body.

"Mommy?" she asked from her place in Dad's arms.

"Yes, baby?" I turned to look at her, halting from my half-standing position; I was just about to head into the kitchen to prepare dinner. "Is something wrong?"

"No . . . do you miss Gran?" her question –innocent and carefree –threw me off-guard. That simple, easy question unleashed the pain I've so guarded myself against. Turning around so that Ness wouldn't see the tears that threatened to explode, I cleared my throat.

"What would you like to have for dinner?" I asked instead, desperate to avoid the question.

The truth was that I missed Mom, exceedingly. There was not a day that passed without me wishing she was beside me, guiding me. Four years ago, the word 'Mom' was merely just that, a word. It held no significance.

I remembered the last day I saw her so clearly. It felt almost surreal and unbelievable, but it was the truth.

And I could recall it with ease because the day that Mom and Phil died, it was my birthday.

"_Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Where is Nana and Poppa?" Vanessa exulted, almost bouncing with excitement. For some reason, whenever someone's birthday arrived, she could not seem to contain her energy. It was as if it was _her _birthday rather than that specific person's. _

_Today was the day I would be turning seventeen. Quite an accomplishment, if you ask me. I never thought that I would be able to last this long in my current state of mind. _

"_They're on their way, sweetie. Now stop moving about, you might get yourself hurt." I warned her, sticking out a hand for her to hold. She was jumping around, full of life and energy. _

_I had no more friends. Two years ago I had stopped going to a public school. Instead, I got myself home-schooled. That was during the night, however, and my day was spent in Wal-Mart, working for the benefit of both me and my child._

"_Poppa Phil said that they're going to bring home a big, big cake! Will it be as big as my cake was, Mommy? I remember that we couldn't finish it, and had to give some to Mary-Anne from next door. I think she's angry at me, Mommy, for having such a big cake . . ."_

_Mary-Anne was the six year old little girl that lived with her aunt –also known as our neighbor. She was constantly bragging about the items her architect mother and father would buy for her. It was sad, though, for they seemed to travel a lot, thus neglecting her. _

_The little girl was forced to stay at home with her mother's sister. Louise was a great woman, intelligent and independent–the kind of woman I wanted to model myself after. But yet she was foolish; she believed in love. _

_I never could believe in it any longer. My feelings betrayed me. I could not be allowed to love any more. _

"_Why would she be mad at you? Do you want me to have a chat with her?" I said sharply. Just because Mary-Anne was jealous, it did not mean she could go around bullying my daughter. I will _not _tolerate it. _

_Ness looked scandalized. "No, no! She's okay sometimes. I just don't like it when she starts talking about how great her daddy is. She says it's too bad I don't have one. I don't mind, though, Mommy. I have you!" _

_And then she kissed my cheek sweetly, laughing with happiness. I grinned and hugged her closer, feeling her body cozy up to mine. "Thank you," I told her._

_She smiled wider, her chocolate-brown eyes growing big with admiration, "Happy birthday, Mommy. I love you so much!" _

"_I love–" My words got interrupted by the sudden rapping of the door. I frowned; Mom knew where the hidden keys were. If she had lost her own pair, I was sure that she'd take the one underneath the doormat. _

_So perhaps it was Phil, arriving earlier than Mom. _

_I bit my lip, an awful emotion overwhelming me for a split second. What was going on? Why did I feel like something bad was going to happen? Dread and uncertainty labored under my feet, dragging me down. Ness sensed my sudden tension, her hand squeezing mine. _

_Peeking through the peep-hole, I jolted back, pushing Ness behind my legs as I tried to recover from the shock. It wasn't Phil standing behind the door, but it was a police officer. He was standing with one of his colleagues–a woman–and their faces were grim. _

_The slow, ticking clock did not match my hammering heartbeats. What were the police doing here? _

_My mind immediately leaped to theories. Were they going to take Ness away? Had James escaped from the prison he was confined to for fifteen years? _

_And then I began begging in my head. _Please, please, _I heard myself plead, _please don't tell me that piece of news. I can take whatever, but please don't let the Monster anywhere near me or my daughter.

_I opened the door unwillingly minutes later, my heart still drumming heavily against my chest, forcing my ribs to give in and break. My daughter whimpered with agony as she looked up at the officers; she was trembling. _

_Bending down to pick her up, I glanced swiftly at them. Their faces remained impassive. _

"_What can I do for you, officers?" I asked them, slightly distracted by Ness's intense breathing on my neck. _

_The woman looked at her companion, whose frown only deepened while he started noticing the similarity between my baby and me. She turned back to me, her eyes grieving, "I'm afraid it's what _we _can do for you, miss. Your mother, Renee Higginbotham Dwyer, and your stepfather, Phillip Dwyer, met with an accident earlier today, at approximately six fifteen in the evening. They were pronounced dead on impact." _

_Her words cut through me and I felt as though I was shattering, breaking, erupting . . . my mother . . . dead . . ._

I shuddered from the memory, rebuking myself. Why on earth did I have to recall it _now? _

My mind–excellent at pushing back the pain and unwanted memories due to past experiences–distracted the rest of myself by cooking. I tried to recreate the Mexican dish of enchiladas. It was not easy chopping and dicing the onions, especially when my eyes were already watered.

As for the peppers, I tried not to get too carried away and add in too much. I was not sure if Dad could take it, or if my daughter could even stand the extreme degree of heat that wafted from the cooking pan.

I heard footsteps and smiled when Dad sniffed the air, "Smells good, Bells. Glad to know you didn't inherit your mother's expensive taste for experimenting."

Ah, now _this, _I could withstand.

"Thank you. I was beginning to think that you have forgotten about Mom's fine cooking skills." I replied wryly, turning to my daughter and giving her a quick wink. She giggled and her wonderful, seraphic face that looked so much like a doll stretched into a brilliant grin.

Dad questioned, "It's not too . . . spicy, though, is it?" There was a little bit of worry in his voice, but he did a great job of shielding it well.

"Of course," I tossed the contents of the pan into one large plate sitting on the counter. Steam rose from it, engulfing Vanessa into the smoke. I heard her laugh, her tiny fists swirling through the mist.

I was pleased that she was so bubbly all the time. This way, she would not have to forego reality. I would do everything to shield her from the entities that could hurt her.

Night came, and along with it, the excitement and eager rush to see Edward Cullen held me against my will. My baby slept peacefully, her head on my stomach as I leaned against the pillows, watching the dream-catcher shine in the bright moonlight.

Eventually, I allowed myself to fall back into my dark dreams. Places I did not want to revisit surfaced, whispered words I hated to hear haunted me, and the faces that I had been urgently banishing from my mind surged through my unconscious state . . .

Finally, it was Monday; a brand new week for me. I reflected on my first week here in Forks, amused by how quickly and filling it had become. Would there always be dramatic gestures for every week? I haven't gotten a clue.

The air was frosty; chilly. So after I had finished showering, I pulled on my normal jeans and a jumper. Hurriedly stuffing my one and only jacket into my arms, I strode past my bedroom and into the kitchen, where Sue and Dad chatted cheerily.

Ness was seating on a chair stacked upon another. Beside her, Seth and Tanya talked animatedly to my baby, who looked delighted at her newfound friends. As though she could sense my presence, she perked up.

"Morning, Mommy!" she beamed at me.

I bent down to give her a quick kiss on her combed curls, smiling. "Good morning, baby. Did you sleep well?"

"Mm-hmm, I dreamed about Mandy being the queen again!" her voice was irresistible like honey. "Aunty Tanya and Uncle Seth told me that she can't be a queen 'cause she's only a _teddy-bear," _she grimaced, "but you believe me, right Mommy?"

"Always, baby. Finish up your waffles, honey." I nodded, preoccupied by forcing down as much granola bars as I could. "Don't wanna. I ate too much, Mommy. Do you want them?" she asked, looking down at her stomach as she rubbed it gleefully.

"Aw, aren't you going to leave me some?" Seth suddenly pouted –his rough voice light and teasing. Tanya and Vanessa laughed while I cracked a tiny grin. "I thought we were friends, Chocolate."

Seth touched a hand to his heart, looking devastatingly hurt. My daughter's eyes widened, guilt creating the start of tears in her brown eyes.

"No!" And her voice was just too heartbreaking that even I put down my fork. I reached for her and stuck her into my lap, all the while giving Seth a malevolent glare.

I rubbed my hands up and down her miniscule back. Frowning, I realized that she really needed to gain weight. So while Seth tried to make amends with her, I reached for her plate and began cutting the pieces into small squares; the way she enjoyed them most.

"Baby, here," I cooed gently, wrapping my forearm around her waist as I waved the fork near her mouth. She looked up and smiled that familiar, strengthening smile of hers.

Vanessa managed to finish her plate, with much help from Seth, Tanya and I. Dad and Sue kept to themselves throughout the entire breakfast period, making me wonder what was happening between them.

"Done?" Seth asked once I had finished gulping extensive loads of milk. I nodded and shifted slightly, whispering into Ness's ear, "Sweetie, Mommy has to go now."

She turned the force of her marvelous chocolate embers on me. "I'll miss you, Mommy . . ."

I kissed her on the cheek twice, feeling the piece of me that always shed itself from my undiminished being whenever I had no choice but to leave her. "So shall I, sweets, so shall I. But I'll be back before you know it, okay? Mommy loves you, Ness, very much."

"Love you too Mommy," she sighed, her eyes miserable. I chewed the corner of my lip, frowning, wishing that I could make things up to my daughter. She may hide it, but I could tell she was hurting.

"Tell you what, baby, when Mommy comes home, why don't you and I go to Port Angeles and have some ice-cream? Would you like that?" I was on my knees, looking deep into her eyes. It brightened in sudden elation as she nodded eagerly.

She cheered, "Uh-huh! I want chocolate!" I laughed as her babyish tone colored her words, immediately soothing my tattered insides. "Mommy will get you a double-scoop. And perhaps, if you remain a good girl, I'll add in the rainbow sprinkles as well."

"Oh! The sprinklies! I love those! I'll be a good girl, promise!" Her face was now completely void of the misery she'd showcased minutes ago.

I quickly hugged her and whispered in her ear. "Listen to Sue, baby. I'll see you in the afternoon." Then she smiled brightly, throwing her arms around my neck as she gave a sloppy kiss to my cheek.

After I said my farewell to Dad and Sue, Seth Tanya and I made our way to the car.

The Prius, was, as always, parked by the pavement. Cold and odd droplets of water gripped me as I walked briskly towards Seth's prized car. Tanya strolled casually, not seeming to mind the impending storm.

Or at least, she did not show any interest to it.

"My god, Bella, that daughter of yours is just so . . . man, I think she can give me a runner for being the number one cheerful person in Forks! And to think she's only _four!" _Seth shook his massive head, looking lost.

I grinned, thinking of her as we got into the Prius, "She has always been that way."

Tanya adjusted the rearview mirror, helping her lover as she looked back to smile at me. "She's such an angel, Bella. Yesterday was like hell for me; I couldn't stop thinking about that adorable smile she has!"

My smile lengthened. Seth scoffed, laughing at his internal joke. "Like mother, like daughter."

"Oh, please. Look at yourself, Mr. I'm-so-handsome-I-have-girls-falling-for-me. Good looks bypassed you and waited for Jacob." Tanya suddenly gasped in realization, her mouth gaping, horror widening her eyes. "Shit," she cursed.

The smile disappearing, I pursed my lips and met with Seth's regretful face. His usual, good spirited gaze was now lined with worry and anxiety. I did not question anything, did not even say a mere word.

"Gosh, I really need to get rid of this foot-in-mouth disease I possess," Tanya broke the silence awkwardly, a hint of an edge in her voice.

He broke the stare first, looking back into the road, "Yeah, you probably should."

Reaching school, we realized that we were slightly too early. This made me wonder at exactly what time Ness had woken. I was shifting from side to side, the quiet silence biting at my head.

As it was still early, I took out my essay paper and began reviewing, searching for any mistake. I crossed out sentences I did not like, added in words that seemed more fitting and compassionate. Finally, I tore out a new piece of paper from my lecture pad and began rewriting the whole thing altogether.

I had only until the end of the day to finished doing so, but it was all right by me. I wanted to make sure my essay was perfect. English was the only class I wanted to make a great impression on after all, it _is _the only subject that interested me.

My handwriting was clumsy; the product of several years worth of being a fast writer. By the time the bell for first period rang, I was already through with the fifth paragraph. Seth gave Tanya a quick kiss on the lips, murmuring a goodbye.

And anyone could see the passion and love shared between the two of them.

I turned away from them.

We walked vigorously to class, frightened that Mr. Mason–our current English teacher–would mark us for being late. He was notorious for cutting the time close.

I did not question his teaching skills. Certainly, I hated his strict hold on everyone, but at the end of the day, he taught us well. From the way he spoke heatedly about the classics, the way he preferred us writing an essay than typing it out.

He was definitely an amazing teacher, but then again, who am I to judge? I was not taught by anyone for two years. I gained that baggy Jacksonville High sweatshirt of mine from Goodwill.

The bell chimed once more, indicating that it was time for Government. Though Mr. Jefferson was slightly more eccentric than Mr. Mason, the subject did not hold any of my interest.

Trigonometry and then Spanish passed; time fast-forwarding. Before I knew it, lunch was staring me at the face. My wallet barely contained any contents, so I bought an apple. Tanya eyed my choice reprehensibly.

"Aren't you going to eat something more?" _his _voice teased, smooth velvet and goose-bumps erupting on my neck. Electricity buzzed underneath my skin, itching for me to touch him. I turned to look at Edward Cullen with a half-hearted smile.

Should I frown? Glare?

Instead, I was confronted by his glorious face smiling crookedly. My breath caught in my throat, heart thumping unevenly, as I tried not to look completely moronic in front of him.

"This is enough," I murmured, casting my eyes down shyly.

I did not need to look up to see his disapproval –it was obvious in his voice. "Bella, you look like you're starving, and that's all you are ever going to eat? Hey, listen, take this," he thrust an unidentified item into my nearly empty hands.

Taking a step back out of shock, I finally met his concern gaze. There was a hint of amusement and perhaps even . . . excitement? I did not know, for he gave a brief nod and walked off, leaving me with the memory of the depth of his brilliant green eyes.

Confused and head swimming, I barely noticed Tanya as she linked her arm through mine, "Oh my god! Was I daydreaming, or did Edward Cullen just give you a _Snickers _bar?"

"He did," I smiled gently, feeling warmth spreading through my chest.

We reached our table then, Seth standing up to help Tanya with her lunch tray. He and I barely spoke, much less look at each other throughout the entire time we were together or walking to class. This worried me, for I wanted him to know that I did not mind not being told a secret.

"You know, Bella, I think you should really stay away from Edward," Garrett, who had joined us earlier, looked past his shoulder, "because Edward Cullen doesn't chase girls; they chase him."

Seth chortled. "Like that's ever going to stop her from avoiding him. It's pointless, Garrett. Let Bella be. If she wants to be a hopeless romantic, so be it."

Indignation vividly showering her tone, Tanya shoved Seth's shoulder furiously. "Shut up, Seth! That's mean of you!"

He caught my eye then, slight bitterness hidden in his hazel-like eyes. I cleared my throat and shoved away from the table. Walking off, I dared not look back, in fear that everyone would be staring.

There was truthfully no reason why I was raging. Of course, I did _not _feel anything for Edward. The fact was, I _couldn't. _Or rather, I couldn't afford to do so. I have given up on love long ago, knowing full well it was the devil himself in disguise.

So why did I feel angry with Seth's unsuspecting remark?

I heard someone call my name as I stalked towards the Biology lab, huddling deeper into my jumper. The chilly air stuck onto the exposed parts of my face, and I wished nothing more than to just be at home.

"Bella," Seth shouted and I ignored him once more, "Bella, I'm sorry! Please, listen to me!"

Abruptly and infuriatingly, I turned aside. "What do you want, Seth? You wanted to insult me, fine, you got what you wanted!" This was the first time I had ever shouted. I was hardly ever frazzled.

"No, no," he looked regretful, "it's not that . . . it's just–"

"If you didn't want to tell me what the truth behind Jacob is, you don't have to. I was not forcing you to tell me anything." I bit back the enraged snarl.

He blinked, "Really?"

The absence of noise proved my point and he visibly relaxed, his tense shoulders loosening. Suddenly, he sagged against the moss covered brick-wall of the building, looking distraught and tired.

I understood how he felt like.

"I don't mind not knowing, Seth. Perhaps that is the better way. However, neither do I mind if you want to tell me. I am Switzerland, neutral and in-between. There is no need for you to feel . . . trapped." The words left my mouth, my heart jumping at the chance to break through my stiff posture.

He sighed and leaned his head back. "I'm just not . . . ready yet, you know? I know that it's sort of unfair for you to tell me about Vanessa and I'm not even willing to share my, uh, secret. And I'm sorry–"

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I understand." And I really did. The difference was that I _wanted _to tell them of my daughter, to get rid of the elephant hanging around in the room.

Seth turned to me, his hazel eyes was brimming with unshed tears. Then he reached for me, his wide, muscular arms wrapping around my frail body. "_Thank you, _Bella."

Fervent with gratitude and reverence, his voice shook. I leaned into his hug, feeling his large body vastly overcoming mine. He smelled of cologne and the forest. "It's all right. You're not going through this alone."

I surprised myself by saying the past two sentences.

He did not answer, choosing instead to hug me tighter to him. "How do you do it?" he whispered awhile later. "How can you be so level-headed about your daughter?"

"I . . . I am not sure."

He pulled away and stared into my eyes, unspoken sentences between us. "God, Bella, you're seriously amazing, do you know that?" I grinned humbly, crossing my arms behind my back as I shook my head.

From afar, I could hear Tanya's voice ringing out, "Bella? Seth?"

I glanced at Tanya's silhouette making its way towards us. And as I did so, my eyes caught with a tall figure, familiar and heart-jolting. Edward's eyes were guarded; shielding. His gaze looked down at Seth's arm, draped casually around my shoulders.

My heart stuttered, my feet automatically taking a step towards him. What was this feeling I was getting? Why did I feel like I should . . . explain what Seth and I were actually doing to the bronze haired boy?

These convoluted, misshaped feelings constantly nagged at my mind.

He had not moved yet, and Seth removed his arm from me slowly, cautiously. I looked back to give him an assuring nod. Turning back, I clutched the chocolate bar Edward had given. I permitted myself a small grin as I showed it to him.

"Thank you," I mouthed. Edward's eyes caught on quickly. That extremely catchable smile of his stretched across his handsome face. He reached into his pocket and brought out another.

And he opened it, beckoning me to eat mine as well. We stared at each other, the few meters between us seeming too far apart. It was surprisingly sensual, to stare into his eyes and eat my chocolate.

The sweet taste of it engulfed me in temporary bliss for a nanosecond. It reminded me of how much I loved eating sweet things as a child. When I grew older, Jane and the rest had laughed into my face, spitting at my childish diet.

"_Look at you, Bella! You're practically overflowing with fat!" Jane teased–or so I thought. When I looked into the mirror, I could not see the problem. The weighing scale agreed with my head. I was not fat._

_But Jane thought otherwise. "James won't ever like you if you keep eating those _candies," _she made a face. _

_From then on, I rarely touched any sweets. _

Startled, I bore in mind my baby's face, reminding myself that if I were to choose between having the normal, teenage life–as normal as any teenager could get–and Vanessa, I would choose my daughter.

That was probably how she gained her sweet tooth.

I finished my Snickers within three enormous bites. Tanya had now drifted closer to us, her curious eyes wondering. Seth greeted her first, "Babe!"

Edward turned, breaking our stupor, as he looked at my friend. He crumpled the wrapper, flustered at being caught, and spared me one final glance. Then he proceeded to walk off, his hands deep into his pockets.

"Complicated fellow, isn't he?" Seth commented as Tanya reached us.

"You can say that again." She murmured, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Okay, maybe later, because seeing as the bell just rang, I think we need to go off now. Garrett's been freaking out about you guys, by the way. Done with your heart-to-heart talk yet?"

I looked sheepishly at her.

She stared back evenly. "I'm taking that as a 'yes.' Now let's get our butts moving, people!"

In Biology, we moved on to naming the onion root cells. It was not as engaging and curious as the placenta, which I'd learned much from. My notebook was a quarter filled with notes and the odd doodle.

Angela was chattier now that she knew me. I was beginning to take a certain liking towards her, for being able to hide her feelings for Seth knowing full well that he was in love with another.

She and I got along well enough, sharing the same animation for English. She knew exactly how I felt about the language and the study of it, even reading my draft of the essay Mr. Mason gave us.

Throughout the duration of Bio, I could feel Edward avidly participating in class discussions. Angela told me this was not the conforming standard of his, and that he only did it whenever he felt ecstatic.

My thoughts flickered to wondering what the reason behind his elation was.

"Guys, guys, listen up!" Edward's voice rang out, loud and alerting. I turned my attention to him, eyes widening considerably. Everyone was gaping at his still smiling face. Seth nudged him with his shoulder, mouthing a silent, "Dude!"

I chuckled at Seth's chastened expression and at Edward's immediate bashful face.

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen. Now, where were we? Ah, yes–" and he droned on. What remained of the period, we discussed about the subject, Mr. Banner getting heated whenever someone got the answer wrong.

As he lectured us, I finished the final draft of my essay, delighted with myself that I could pride in it. Mr. Mason said he only needed three pages but I had gotten agitated and wrote five.

"After all Edward did to catch your attention, you're not going to say goodbye to him?" Seth asked, his old personality returning to its full force. My hands were busily, aggressively tackling my notebook and stationary into my bag.

Seth stood by me, waiting as I slung it over my shoulder, walking out of the lab. We were one of the only few that stayed later than necessary. He compared notes with Angela once more; I tried to unreasonably process what Mr. Banner had taught about.

"He was goading me?" I frowned. He merely laughed and shook his head. "No, but you should've seen how he tried to get you to look at him. That stupid exclamation of his was just another method he thought useful."

My eyebrows drew together.

A sudden whisper of fabric beside me caught my peripheral vision. I leaned back to see Edward's retreating form as he muttered, "See you in Gym, Bella."

I barely got out a 'sure,' for I was certain he was not talking to me. Seth mussed my hair, grinning like only a fool would. We crossed Garrett in the hall, his face equivocally exhausted as Seth's had been before.

He asked whether I was all right, and I answered with the standard answer. He told me that he would pick me up for our work later, since we were working the same shift today. Stressed and looking resigned, he strode off.

"Got his panties in a bunch, does he?" Seth watched Garrett's slouching form. "Oh please," Tanya scoffed as she appeared out of the blue. "It's not that. He's got a lot of things to think about. Like that crazy crush on my sister, for instance."

"But I thought he–" he got interrupted.

"Just leave it, Seth. Kate's the main core of Gar's frustration now. And I'd be a deranged person if I didn't try talking some sense into him." She sighed.

"Did you?" I asked her, entranced by how riveting Garrett's secret liking for that blonde follower of Lauren was.

"_Of course, _but did he listen? No. Whatever, anyway, I don't want to interfere." Her mouth pulled down wistfully, eyes turning a shade darker. Seth pulled her to his side as we got towards Gym.

Like all the rest of my classes, it flew by. Somehow or rather, I did not kill anyone with that badminton racket. I was well-known for my skills as clumsy players; whoever got me was sure to lose the match. Seth and Tanya stayed by my side in a show of loyalty however, and this gesture touched me.

I had to go the restroom, however, for a quick change of clothes. People were getting curious; they wanted to know why I kept turning around whenever I changed, effectively blocking the view they had towards my scar.

They could not decipher my behavior, especially Lauren, for she asked several times upon the one topic I had been avoiding. She wanted to know why I was so 'modest,' turning around instead of merely changing. Did I have a predicament?

_No, _I wanted to tell her, _I only have a scar form the caesarean that I had to take. That, surely, would not be enticing? _

She was ruthless, that girl.

I pulled back my jumper, feeling the rough fabric slick past my unsheltered skin. As I tied my long, tedious brown hair into a low bun which draped across my right shoulder, I heard the door open once more and a flurry of voices disappearing as it closed.

"_Jesus, _I can't _believe _that girl!" A high, keening voice that sounded slightly higher than Ness's voice rang out throughout the restroom. I did not mean to eavesdrop, but I had yet to fully cover my scar.

Making sure my cubicle was locked, I began to adjust my jumper and jeans, exceptionally trying to muffle out the voices beyond the other side of the door.

"Chill, Alice. You know that Lauren's like that." Another voice, keen and soothing, smooth like sweet, purified water whispered. "It doesn't give her the chance to flirt with my brother, or your boyfriend, for that matter. She's got her eyes on Jazz now!" The other voice yelled in fury.

The second voice's tone immediately calmed down the other, "Ally, it's stupid to try and do something. Lauren's like a bomb . . . a ticking one. And she's a freaking slut. Let her be, babe. Let her destroy herself."

Silence engulfed the room for a second, and I flinched as I made the mistake of accidentally dropping my bag on the floor as I struggled to get out of the decrepit cubicle. Finally, after a stiff shove, I stumbled out of it, flustered and pink in the cheeks.

I tried not to look into their eyes as I washed my hands, grabbed some toilet paper, and began drying off. What would my mother chide this time? _Oh, Bella, you _really _shouldn't have been listening in. Now, look what's happened! They're going to hound after you. _

Gritting my teeth against the flurry of the piercing tear my heart seemed to expose, I clenched my fists, balling the still-wet tissue. The rubbish disposal was another trick; it was near impossible to get it to open.

And when I was done, turned away from the two girls who were part of Lauren Mallory's group of friends, I sighed. This was my mistake for eavesdropping, and I should not have in the first place.

So I forced my frozen body to turn towards the two; the gorgeous blonde who made such a spasm on my ego–not that I was expecting I was anywhere near that beauty of hers–and the small, almost little girl that had spiky black hair.

They looked worried, horrified if I permitted myself to admit it. The blonde had wonderful, violet eyes that were a rare find. The other girl had dark brown ones. They bored into mine simultaneously, her chalky-white face ashen.

It took me a second to understand; they were frightened–of _me. _

How was that possible when I expected to reprimand me?

"I . . . I am very sorry for what . . . what I have heard. But I promise you, I will not utter a single word to anyone," I vowed to them, burning with seriousness, "everyone has secrets, and I believe that I can keep one more."

Their eyes locked on each other, quietly sizing me. I did not know whether or not they would agree to my terms, but I wanted to get away from them; contact with any of their kind made me feel depressed.

People like them were rich and overflowing with power and popularity. They could not be seen with someone like me. Like the hierarchy in history, I was placed at the bottom of the pyramid made up of the high school population.

"You're . . . Isabella Swan, right?" the fairy-like girl asked, finally turning her head to me, looking uncertain and yet filled with assurance.

I nodded. "Just call me Bella, please." _Keep it short, clipped and completely cooled. Remember that Seth and the others are waiting for you. _

There was a smile that spread across her face, knowing something . . . I could not seem to place that 'something.' What was it? Her expression changed to cheerful, apparently completely rid of the doubt. The blonde beside her resumed her half-interested stare.

And I wanted nothing more than to leave.

"Well, I'm Alice Cullen, and this is Rosalie Hale." She introduced, suddenly lightening up. I glanced at the person beside her and nodded. I looked back at this Alice, recollecting that she was connected to Edward.

Edward Cullen. Alice Cullen. They were brother and sister . . . and yet they looked far from siblings. Were they fraternal twins, then? Or adopted?

I was not keen on finding answers.

She smiled wider as she reached for me. I froze in place, not moving a single muscle when she whispered, "It's all right. I know you won't tell anyone. I trust you. And obviously, so does Edward."

Uncomprehending the last sentence that spewed out of her mouth, I fought back the surge of questions. She was still a stranger to me; I barely knew the first thing about her. Only her name and her connection to the mysterious boy I was attracted to made sense to me.

The restroom door opened again and I caught whiff of Tanya's perfume. I turned to look at her just as she stepped to my side, eyes widening. They were filled with suppressed questions as she raised an eyebrow towards our company.

"Do we have a problem, ladies?" she asked, looking back and forth between me and them. I shook my head, taking in a breath to capture the ones that left me whilst talking to them.

"Garrett's looking for you, Bella," Tanya said after the tense quietness. I sighed, "Okay."

I risked one last glance between Alice Cullen and her friend Rosalie Hale. Were we ever going to interact after this? I could not know, for I did not need any more friends. The more I invited outsiders, the more my daughter was at danger.

_Too trusting! _My instincts screamed at me.

So I turned back and headed out the graffiti-covered restroom door, mind firmly set on my baby.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I' going to keep this short: I AM VERY SORRY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO UPDATE WEEKLY. The end. =( Leave a review, please? _

_-Serene. _


	8. Provoking Doubts

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Seven: Provoking Doubts**

_Disclaimer: Me? Own Twilight? Nah, you must be joking._

_Bella_

Garrett's voice, soft and kind, whispered in my ear, "Everything all right there, Bella?" I looked up to meet his withering gaze–stressed without a doubt–and nodded affirmatively. I could not find it in me to further burden him with my worries.

He raised an eyebrow and grunted as he shifted a few more plates of this and that onto his arm. Even as I've been working here for nearly a week, I found it mind-boggling someone like him could carry as much plates as that. It seemed impossible.

Then again, nothing was the opposite of possible here in Forks.

I'd managed to cluster in with Tanya as we went home, doing anything in my power to banish the memory of Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale from my mind. Girls like them did not mix with girls like me; they were seemingly popular, beautiful in a unique way, and probably rich. I was just me.

They couldn't afford to be seen with me, could they?

Weighing the dish on my right hand, I made sure I could balance myself righteously. Scraping whatever dignity I could keep from serving dishes, I gritted my teeth against the onslaught of noise that wafted from the tables.

Garrett and I were serving a particular table together. The man and woman–who looked too young to have any children–had ordered outrageous amounts of food. If three whole plates of the Lodge's specialty–the Garden Burger–were not enough, they squeezed in two plates of Steak and Cobbler and a Caesar Salad.

"You've got to be careful, though," Garrett warned me as we weaved in through the massive crowd, struggling to keep hold of our dishes, "these two people are regulars. The man's a doctor from the local hospital, and the woman's an ex-lawyer and current interior designer. They married each other once they got out of high school. They'll ask you questions, so you will have to stick around at their table longer than any of the usual."

I glanced at his half-hearted smile and nodded once more. Then he sighed and looked me straight into the eyes. "And their children are Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen . . . and Edward Cullen."

My mouth fell open loudly as I tried to garner the information he had just given me. This young couple–the two people who looked so completely at ease around each other, so used to being in the arms of one another–was Edward's _parents? _

"Bella, Bella, chill. Take a deep breath." From beside me, Garrett was starting to shake a little from the heavy dishes he carried.

"You should have warned me!" I hissed, both embarrassed and shocked at the same time. Heidi was the one who had taken them in earlier, for I was in my break. Now that I have returned, though, I was assigned to attend to their table.

And I was caught up with the surrealism of this. It was just my terrible luck that I had to be seeing Edward Cullen's–and probably the bronze-haired boy himself–parents. Not only that, I would be catching sight of his sister, Alice, and his brother Emmett.

Yes, today would be the first day I would ever regret taking this job.

As I finally made my way to the Cullen's table, I stealthily shifted my gaze to the ground, my cheeks flaring in shame as I started distributing the dishes. The couple was no longer sitting alone; Edward, Alice and Emmett were seated now as well.

They stared into my forehead like I had something of matter there.

My cheeks burned, the back of my neck started to sweat as I continued mumbling the names of the dishes. Garrett had already gone back to the kitchen. I was all alone in this war that faced me murderously.

"Oh, you must be new! I haven't seen you around from here!" A motherly voice, sweet and caring, ghosted from my right. Stiffly, I turned to her and gave a shaky smile, trying to hide my trembling hands behind my back.

The man looked at her lovingly, and my stomach clenched.

_No, Bella, do not yearn for something you cannot have, _the customary voice in me whispered maniacally.

I fought back against a sigh that threatened to be unleashed, resigning to the idea. I could feel their children's eyes on my back as their mother spoke to me. She had caramel billows, this woman. Her face reminded me of those actresses who played in the black and white movies, natural beauty and soft features lined her face. Her eyes were wide and in the color of almonds. How she once worked as a lawyer was beyond me.

The man looked like the oblivious doctor. His features were hard and yet compassionate. Green, much like Edward's and yet far from the sparkle of his son's, shaped his alert eyes. His posture was stiff; a habit picked up from living the life of a doctor, I assumed.

He had an arm wrapped around his wife and my tight chest constricted at how close they were, how they were not afraid to show their love. I wish I could be like that, fearless and everlasting.

_Vanessa is all you'll ever need, _my mind conjured.

"Es, I think it's pretty obvious she's new. Didn't you hear? Chief Swan's daughter just came in a week ago. I bet she goes to your school, right Edward?" the man looked at his son, smile widening in question.

Edward meekly smiled back at him before glancing over at me shyly. "Yeah, she does. And she's pretty good in terms of academic too. I haven't seen anyone who could trump Angela Weber in English before."

The woman tilted her head to look at me, warmth filling her face, "Fan of William Shakespeare, eh? Tell me dear, what's your name?"

I stammered, "Isabella S-swan, ma'am."

"See! I told you she's the Chief's daughter!" the man laughed joyfully, eyes crinkling as he threw his head up in the air. "Yes, yes, you were right. Thank you for the food Isabella. You see, our son Emmett, he eats a truck full of burgers when he's hungry. I hope it wasn't too much trouble in the kitchen." The woman pursed her lips as she eyed her buff son.

This Emmett was the same boy who looked as though he could bench-press my entire house if possible. His muscled arms were intimidating, but beyond the enormous size and childlike grin that colored his face, I realized that he looked exactly like Alice Cullen did.

She was smiling at her other brother with that same knowing look that she gave me earlier in the restroom. Edward nudged her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Giggling softly, she angled herself so that she could see me better.

I brought my hair forward to shield myself away from their gaze. Biting my lip, I whispered a quick 'have a nice meal and good day' to all of them. The couple chuckled, but I continued my stride to the kitchen area, where Garrett would be.

Bursting through the two doors, I searched the flurry of bodies for Garrett's familiar, gangly one. It was nowhere to be found.

My lips turned down into a frown as I craned my head, hurriedly looking for my friend. Garrett did not leave till it was eight. The clock reported that it was only seven forty-five now. Had he left earlier?

"I take it that the whole fiasco's over?" his comforting voice suddenly chimes from my side. I jumped, completely off guard, and shot him a look of disdain. I was about to retort when something in his facial expression kept me from doing so.

He looked . . . provoked. His brows lined with disconsolate resignation, his mouth turned down in dejection. I have never known Garrett to be of a gloomy person, seeing as he was like Seth.

And then he blinked, his mask reappearing to shield his emotions. We stared into one another, both judging as we scanned our faces. I kept mine impassive; he mirrored it without any faults. He was hiding, and so was I.

But we were not comfortable with revealing whatever restrained us from spilling just yet.

It was as though a truce was made between the two of us. There were so many secrets, too many lies. How is it possible that, even though my heart didn't acknowledge it, I still managed to have complete confidence in him?

"Hey, table number four's up for their bill! Bella, could you take it to them, please?" Heidi nods as she passes me and Garrett. "And you, Mister, get your butt moving if you want to clock out. There's already a queue." She narrowed her eyes towards Garrett, who gave an unabashed grin.

Chuckling, he said his farewell to me. My shift was on until two a.m., like the usual, except I would be walking home. The Lodge was a fair enough distance from home. Dad offered to fetch me from work, but I blatantly refused.

I would not leave Vanessa unattended, even if she was in a deep slumber. The idea of her getting into danger was painful; it seared into my brain and left me numb. It was even more so than the pain I felt when Mom died.

The instinct to protect my daughter was stronger than anything else. She came first, always. My own needs were deemed unimportant or dull-witted. Sacrifices were to be made if I wanted to raise her by my own terms.

My thoughts were a whirlwind of my baby and the longing for home as I trudged forward to table number four. I refused to meet Edward Cullen's imploring gaze as I strode past his blistering table; Lauren and her minions had joined them. To be of fact, she was half seated on his lap, and he seemed wildly uncomfortable with the close contact.

For a reason unbeknownst to me, I was uncomfortable as well.

Getting to table number four, I handed over their bill and watched as the man handed me the money in a sluggish pace. I gritted my teeth, itching to escape. My next break was at nine, and it was merely–

Quick, nimble hands made their way over to fasten on my eyesight. The hands blocked my line of light and the transcended memories came flooding back. The Monster's invisible hands gripped me under the black light. For an instant, I could feel his ripping fingers, seeking and shredding every bit of cloth I had.

His hot, offensive breath lingered on my skin, raising goose-bumps. I could remember _everything. _Every detail I wanted to forget, every significant item that led me to where I was now.

Tanya's exultant voice rang out, "Surprise, surprise!"

I gasped, the Monster retreating as I focused on my daughter's loving face as she slept. I chose this image, for it was one so serene and peaceful. It brought me back to my bearings. The Monster's fingers ghosted away, his breath halted. Tanya's hands were ripped away from my eyes, and suddenly, I was facing the bright light once more.

How relieved I was to see it, like a life buoy I could not comprehend. Blinded and disoriented by the harsh light, I could hear Seth's distant voice wafting over the abounding chatter, "Tans! What do you think you're doing? You surprised her!"

"Uh, _duh, _Captain Obvious," Tanya retorted. "Isn't that what I'm going for?"

Whirling around, I caught a rare sight of Seth tugging at his hair, and of Tanya, looking violently passionate as they exchanged a few words with one another. Before they begun a screaming battle, I broke off Seth's exasperated sentence.

"That is enough." I heard myself saying sternly, as though I was keeping Ness from accidentally hurting herself. "What are the two of you doing here? It is late, you should get some rest."

"We're working here, didn't you know?" Tanya grinned, evidently pleased with herself. I was astonished, the complete surprise taking my mind for a little break. She saw my bewildered, shocked expression and laughed once. "Oh, come on. You didn't think we'd allow you to work killer hours all by yourself, did you?"

Seth leaned in closer, "And besides, we're helping you out with Ness as well."

I took an automatic step back, independence and indignation completely replacing my shock. "No. I do not need any of your help. Go back home, tell Billy–"

"Bella," Seth's hazel-like eyes were fierce with heat, "I will _not _allow you to try and take this on by yourself. Look at you. You have eye-bags the size of, I don't know, my _palm? _And you're practically underweight!"

As I flinched from his whispered yet seemingly loud conversation, I tried not to meet his gaze.

He was right on one account; Dad and several others had compared my weight. Since my mother and Phil died, I lost the desire to have any intake of food. Everything I ate in the months that lapsed barbarously after their funeral came from my baby's leftovers.

I could not find it within me to eat, losing any desire to live at all. Only my daughter and the knowledge that she would have no one to look after her set me moving about. I needed to be sufficient and strong, for her.

Seth saw that he had struck a chord in my stubborn, stubborn mind. "Bella, please, just let us help you. I'm every bit taken by Vanessa as you are. I wanna be there for her, too. Let me help her out. Please."

Two possible options lay out in the most foremost part of my mental capability. Option one was to accept Seth and Tanya's help. Both of them perceived my past, they knew how dark it was. No one apprehended it except for Mom and Phil, but they were gone, taken away from me by a cruel fate.

_No, Bella, stop it. _

I had never felt so perplexed and indistinct in my existence.

Option two: I would have to decline, move on, and feign ignorance on my part. Could I do it? Could I endure any more of this monstrosity, this nightmare I am compelled to revisit night after endless night? My mind spun, empty promises surfacing, yet I could not help but cling onto them.

Trust, I needed to trust. The main question was, who?

My eyes flashed towards Edward Cullen and his small group of family and friends. He looked mirthless, as though he did not enjoy being seated there. Looking closely, I realized that he did not feel as though he _belonged _to the stunning group of individuals.

His parents were watching their children from the sidelines, contented to be there despite their obvious invisibility towards his friends. Emmett Cullen and Alice Cullen appeared to include them in their laughter and jokes, though their efforts were fruitless. The parents were more appeased by looking at their children socialize.

Edward's ears were once more crammed with his white earpiece. His fingers thrummed the table top, and he looked exceedingly bored. He was in his own world, closing his magnificent green orbs as he leaned against his seat heavily. If I had not known, I would have thought he was asleep.

His tapping foot, however, gave him away.

As though he could feel my gaze on him, he turned his head towards my direction. My pertaining reaction was to look in the opposite way, yet, somehow . . . I could not bring myself to. There it was.

That beautiful expression he bore on his face, it made him seem unreal and angelic. In that second, I had my answer.

Edward slowly opened his wondrous, enigmatic eyes. I saw who he really was in the slightest bit as he blinked blearily at me. When he realized I had not dropped my gaze yet, his lips pulled at the corner, slowly etching into a smile.

I took a deep breath, closed my own eyes and tried to think through the thick haze. He and I were friends. Eagerly, my eyes opened to peek at him. He was still staring, smiling, with his depthless green eyes sending a message.

_It's okay, reach out. I am here. _

Seth and Tanya had their eyes following every move I made turning back towards them. Tanya's stunning face was all but stretched as she chewed the inside of her cheeks nervously.

"Alright," I whispered, "but this is only for Vanessa. No more."

They visibly relaxed, Tanya leaning against her lover as she took a staggering breath. "Oh, thank god! I thought you weren't ever going to–"

"Ah, there you are!" Heidi's shrill voice cut through the noise, rising above the immense voices. She took hold of Seth's arms as she begun to show them around. I smiled reminiscently. Being in their place once, I knew how overwhelming it would all seem at first.

I was about to take my leave; Heidi would come looking for me sooner rather than later. Just as I had turned, the occupants of Edward Cullen's table got up as well. Alice Cullen seemingly laughed aloud at a joke the blond boy sitting beside her shared while Lauren tried to seize Edward's attention.

She could not, however. And she finally relented, preferring to speak instead to the girl with the uncontrollable curly hair.

As the couple paid the bill, I stood rooted to the spot. Alice Cullen caught sight of me watching warily, as though she had a trigger for my being in the room. I felt my cheeks turn a betraying maroon as she nudged her brother.

He followed her gaze, and even from my perch, I could commit to memory the brilliant smile he gave me. Breathtaking–that was the only word I could use in that sheer moment. But I knew it would not last.

Raising my hand, I gave a wave that lacked dexterity. Both he and his sister looked stupefied, Alice Cullen glancing at Edward as though she knew this would somehow occur. He looked mystified, his pale face shining under the fluorescent lights.

He took a step towards me just as Lauren Mallory pulled on his arm, apparently whining in exasperation of the stuffy diner. "It stinks," I could see her plump lips moving around the words. My heart slammed furiously, not only because of Edward's steady gaze on me, but I refused to accept her words.

The Lodge did _not _stink. Childish and preposterous as this may be, I thought that this diner was anything but that. It was scented with the relief of people who had been busy travelling all day, entering this diner in search for something to fill their grumbling stomachs.

It had the distinctive odor of those who led gatherings. The Lodge smelled of _home. _

"-the heck do you want me to do? Oh, for Christ's sake . . . Bella! Thank god! One's done with ordering, it's time to serve them up!" Heidi's undeniable voice broke through my reverie. My neck crept up with blood and I nodded once in Edward's direction.

I turned, expecting a rebuff from Heidi, who was screaming across the counter top towards Demetri, one of the cooks. I wiped my sweaty hands against the rough nylon of my apron and scooted closer towards the kitchen.

When I got out, plates lining my arms, Edward Cullen and his family and friends were nowhere to be seen.

"Jeez, Seth, you complain about stuff even more than my own sister!" Tanya grumbled, sliding into the Prius. She had her blond hair tied up into a messy bun, looking very much like my own.

All throughout the complete shift, they had been learning on how to serve the customers rightly. They passed that with very little unease, though their main problem was juggling the plates. Tanya slipped the spaghetti dish after a minute while Seth had little success with the deep-fried ice-cream.

I, on the other hand, had no problems. Four years of carrying around my daughter proved to be an advantage when it came to being a server. I had little agitation with the heavy platters, my arms all too habituated.

"What I don't get, though," said Seth as he placed the car in reverse, "is how Bella manages to stay up till the early morning and have less than four hours of sleep before waking up for school. It's sick."

I grinned tiredly, "Mind over matter. My daughter used to keep me up all night when she was still a newborn. The habit has grown on me."

Tanya smiled and reached for my hand. "You must miss her, what with the busy schedule and all."

My head fell to my chest as I fingered the hem of my shirt. My uniform was tucked safely away into Billy's office, where the rest of the uniforms were. Later on, at three, someone would come over to have them washed as usual.

"Whatever the case, I'm glad we're helping her out," Seth smiled in lively pleasure.

Quiet and thoughtful, he drove in silence towards my house. Before I got out, however, I felt as though it was my duty as their friend to thank them. I had been saving this until the very infinite moment, hoping that when I do say it, I could say my grateful words with the sense of relief.

It was what I had been feeling all these hours, after all.

As I cleared my throat, I tried to look at Seth in the eye, wishing fervently that he could see my earnestness. Then I took a deep breath and leaned against the old seats. "I wanted to thank you, Seth, Tanya, for sacrificing your nights for Ness. It certainly holds an immense amount of thankfulness for me. I have never received any form of help before, unless it was given by my father or mother. It was always my baby and me. So . . . thank you, really, for everything."

My voice was ringing with my appreciation, lacing it with the warmth I had reserved for this very moment. It regularly appeared whenever I would be with my daughter–or my father, for that matter.

Their faces whispered it all. Taken aback by my impromptu speech, they were unsure of what to say or do. I whispered a good night and got out, unable to resist seeing my daughter's sleeping face. I wanted to see her, the urge undisputable.

She would come in first no matter what now. Not my feelings, nor anybody else's.

Dad's snores are as loud as ever as I made my way into the dead, dark house. Shadows crept across every corner. I shivered from the intensity of the cold night, pausing only to hang my battered jacket onto the coat rack.

I slipped into my room, agile and quick in getting into the oversized shirt I used as a nightgown. My baby slept peacefully on the bed, her angelic face pink and translucent in the moonlight that streamed in through the south window.

This was my routine for the weekdays. I would creep into the house, get into the shirt, and watch my Vanessa sleep, eyelids fluttering. I knew then that she would be dreaming wonderful dreams, where she was not taunted for not having a father, where she could be _happy. _

But tonight, she stirred. Her little arms reached around the bed, searching. "Mommy?" she blinked, her beautiful eyes glinting in the light. Dazed, she caught me looking at her. "Mommy!" her voice thrilled, pleasant.

I opened my arms, an invitation to take her into them. She threw herself at me, our bodies slamming into each other. Her hair was filled with strawberries and I knew then that she had been using my shampoo once more. I didn't mind it.

She wore my old shirt, which reached down all the way to the bottom of her knees. Dad must have decided to place it upon her, seeing as I had yet to do the laundry.

_The laundry . . . _

"I miss you Mommy! You said we'd go for ice-cream . . ." she trailed off, disappointed. I bit my lip, guilt taking its justifying place in my heart. I sat down, my daughter curled on my lap. She looked up expectantly, her small face hopeful. She had miniature bags under her eyes which I immediately disapproved of.

"Yes, I did say that. But I could not find the time to do so. Forgive me, Ness." My voice was grave as I apologized, arms tightening around her little body. "Aw, it's okay. Can I have hot chocolate instead?" she asked innocently.

How could I resist The Pout?

I sighed and ruffled her soft, downy hair, "Do I have a choice?"

"Nope," she giggled, and wrapped her arms around my neck. I secured her in my arms before carrying her down, releasing one arm so that I could place one finger on my lips, winking, as we passed Dad's room. "Shh, don't let Grandpa hear us!"

Ness nodded, industrious. "Ssh!" she mirrored.

My silent shakes of laughter came with me to the kitchen, where I made the hot chocolate for her. Surreptitiously, I glanced at the clock as I poured the hot liquid into her cup. It was half past three. I would have been fairly asleep with my baby in my arms any other day.

"Boo!" I heard Dad's rough voice boom throughout the walls of the kitchen. Ness let out a scream before running over to me, hiding behind my legs. My father laughed, hand over stomach, as he strolled towards us.

"I do not think that is such a great idea, Dad. It _is _part of my job to protect her, you know," I warned teasingly, grabbing an old kitchen towel and pretending it was a knife. He laughed and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "Hey there, Bells. I smelled the chocolate, so I thought I'd join you guys."

My baby crawled away from my legs and latched onto Dad's stretched hand. "Morning, Grandpa."

He laughed again and bent down to hoist her into his arms. "It's funny. Not a few hours ago, I just said 'good night.'"

Ah, that would explain the bags. I thumped the cups on the counter top, sitting atop of it as I stretched idly. Dad found a spare chair and sat, sipping a cup of hot tea. He was too old for chocolate, he said to me once. Now, he drank either coffee or tea.

We were all quiet, happy to just drink. We wallowed in the presence of one another.

I had not seen much of my father lately. I suppose it was due to my work and school. Always, I would feel horrid for never connecting back with him when Mom took me away. In Dad's view, he knew nothing about me; I was a stranger in his house.

Mom promised me that she had kept him posted on my progress. When I turned thirteen and had Ness, however, she lost all contact with him. She never presented him the address of the house we used to inherent back in Florida.

But here he was today, smiling and joking with my daughter as though he had known her for his entire life, as though it did not bother him that his own child had been pregnant at the age of thirteen. These thoughts were new to me, fresh.

I hurt for him. My father was a man of truth and justice. I knew deep down, should I ever tell him of how I had come to conceive Ness . . . he would brutally asphyxiate the Monster. I did not want him to feel the anguish of how much of a failure he might think he had been. I did not want him to blame himself.

For today, I shall fight back the confessions. Enough has been done in this tiresome day.

"How's work, sweetheart?" Dad asked, as though he could sense my tormented thoughts. I looked into my empty cup.

"It was alright," I found myself declaring, "Seth and Tanya decided to work there as well; to accompany me. They . . . they wanted to work for Vanessa, to provide her some money. They sought my approval first and I gave it to them." My lips etched into a tiny grin.

I looked into my father's eyes –ones that reminded me so much of my own and my baby's–and found that he was holding back joy. Relief was evident in his rested brow.

_Dad is aging well, _I thought, staring at the wrinkles around his eyes. They were not in perfect clarity, coming alive only when he would crease up laughing. He and Ness shared the same laugh, contagious and astonishing. It was straining not to express derision.

He whistled, "Well then, I'm glad to know. That's a bunch of good friends you've made, Bells."

"Are you talking about Aunty Tanya and Uncle Seth?" Ness cut in, looking up from her cup. She had foam sticking onto her upper lip, and I repressed my great urge to laugh at how goofy she looked. I loved this way about her; sweet and unsuspecting.

As I simultaneously grabbed a tissue to wipe off the foam, I smiled immeasurably at her. "Yes, baby. We are."

She held my hand, leaning into me like I did towards the counter top. "Will they visit again?"

I stared at Dad, grinning sheepishly as I uttered, "Actually, they have already asked to visit several times. I am only afraid you would not allow it." He scoffed, looking offended as he started the tap, washing our cups. "Rubbish. They can come here anytime."

Mouth agape, I fought to restrain the delirium I felt, "Really? You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all," he grinned, rustling my hair. His hand was large and comforting, and I was secretly glad I had moved to Forks. I had missed the companionship of my father, though Phil was a wonderful father figure, I had never been able to replace the image of Dad.

He was my father in the end. The only father I would ever need. Just as much as Vanessa, I needed him in my life to have me grounded, my own personal rock. He stood by me, supported me, even as he was clueless of my background.

_One day, _the voice whispered in my mind, _you will tell him. One day._

* * *

><p>I awoke the next day, aware and strangely well-rested. Despite my obvious fatigue from the previous night, my mind was abnormally alert. I looked at my alarm clock, half-terrified that I had missed school. But it was only five-thirty.<p>

Ness was curled around my torso. I pried her off gently, getting out of the warmth of the sheets. The morning air was frigid and stiff, but I welcomed it. Before I went ahead to shower, I kissed my still sleeping daughter's forehead.

Dad and Sue were already in the kitchen, chatting away. I peeked into the room, making sure they could not see me, and smiled at the picture I received.

My strong, assured father was shuffling his feet while he watched Sue moved around, already well aware of where all the pots and pans were. She was confident, her face a striking beauty as she talked to my father.

Politics, the old music, even the news–they covered everything.

I committed this to memory, ensuring myself that my father would be fairly busy. He was so taken by Sue that I found it almost . . . adorable. He stared at her with puppy dog eyes. Most people would have been disgusted by this display of affection from their parents, but I was just pertinent that he had found someone.

The water was hot against my skin, scalding it. I flinched, yet made no move to get out. As my skin got used to the heat, I stared at myself in the mirror once more. I did not recognize the girl, but only the scar that lay hidden on my tummy.

I gazed and I gazed and I gazed. There was nothing I could feel now but submission. It would always remain there, forever marked on my skin.

As I watched my reflection, I realized that there was an improvement to my health. My bones did not protrude, jutting out worriedly. I had become slightly more slender, my cheekbones were not as visible as it was months ago.

I had become _healthier. _

This thought brought along a mix of emotions, for this would also mean my daughter had improved greatly as well. She had new friends–the little boy named Jacob, Seth and Tanya–and looked so lovely. Tears unknowingly cropped into my eyes, which shined with joy.

Heart thumping, I shifted my clothes, feeling my throat tighten with a ball of nerves. _Mom, would you look at me now? Vanessa is beautiful, she has become absolutely comely. Can you listen to me, Mom? Are you proud of what I have done? _

Yes, indeed. Was she proud of me? Was she proud that her daughter had been brought back to life? I felt reenergized, so full of living that I beamed brightly at my mirrored self.

And as rapid as my euphoria appeared, it faded.

I can never be truly happy.

Walking out, I slipped back into my stoic demeanor. Soon, Seth and Tanya would arrive; he would always drop his mother off before picking up his girlfriend. I dressed into my normal sweatshirt and jeans, vividly aware of how Forks differentiated from Jacksonville.

After a final goodbye for my daughter, I left, metal exertion nearly overcoming me.

The morning passed uneventfully. I wrote down notes for every class, took the pop quiz that my Trigonometry teacher gave us, and went through possibilities of the lesson plans for Biology. If Seth noticed my absent nods and hums, he said nothing.

I did not see Edward Cullen through the thick crowds that lined up for the cafeteria food. I could not comprehend the disappointment that brimmed over. My pay had yet to come, so I bought another apple. I paid for it, turned, and slammed into someone. My red apple fell almost conspicuously towards the ground.

"Oh no, I am–"

"What the–"

Ears pricking, I instantly knew the voice. I had trouble looking up towards Edward, for we were so close that I could have leaned in and inhaled his cologne. Or was it aftershave? I did not know, for I could only see the arc of his neck.

He had an arm around my waist, and from where our bodies touched, I could feel electricity burning my skin in the most pleasurable way. There was no pain, just the yearning to wrap my arms around his tall frame.

I cursed myself then. _How foolish can you be, Bella? _I struggled to be released from his tight grip, knowing that my friends would be wondering where I was. There was still loud conversations going around, but for that special minute, I felt so wrapped into this immaculate bubble.

"Be careful Clumsy. I don't want you getting hurt or whatever." Edward's velvet voice chuckled. I leaned back and stepped away so I could judge the emotions displaying on his face. He had his ears filled with his earpiece.

Green orbs danced brilliantly, causing my stomach to leap to my throat. I fought desperately to say something, but I realized I couldn't.

_Snap out of it, Bella. Now! _

I listened to my conscience and took a deep breath, flushing when I saw his raised eyebrow. "Not everyone perfected the art of walking."

Edward laughed and reached into his pocket. He pulled his hand out, revealing another _Snickers _bar. As his laughter quieted down, he whispered valiantly, "Here, I thought you might like this. Even if the saying, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away,' may be true, I think we'd both be better off eating something else, yeah?"

Why did I like the way his smooth voice dragged at the word, _'yeah?' _

He handed it to me, pressing it deep into my palm. "Thank you," I glanced down at it.

"No big deal. If you haven't found a chocolate dealer, consider me as your wingman." With that, he winked and reached into his pocket once more. Then he took out his iPod and pressed the large, circle button. He slithered out of my way, leaving me somewhat . . . astonished.

I would have heard alarm bells clanging in my head, should Edward ever be the type of man the Monster was. It was silent. The voice was all but mute for now. It was as stunned as I was that he cared for me, even if it was the slightest.

Around me, everyone was still living their own worlds. I seemed to be stuck into place, unsure of where to go.

My mind wondered over to Seth and Tanya. They must be concerned by now. I stumbled over to our table, my head in the clouds. "You have to explain, woman. I saw you and Mr. Snickers down there, looking closer than normal."

"You are deranged, Tanya." I played with the wrapper of the _Snickers _bar. Yet I was still reeling and rendered speechless with my encounter with Edward. My skin was imprinted with the memory of his elongated arm around my waist, the burning . . .

Seth chortled, "Babe, Bella's right. Anyway, I don't think we should talk to her right now. She's probably still in Dreamland now."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "If you are done, please do tell. Wait, actually, I change my mind. Do not tell me at all."

Tanya snickered and reached to wrap an arm around my shoulders. "Nah, we're just teasing you. You know we love you." Seth shifted his chair closer to us. He rested his arm over Tanya's chair, "Yeah, you get all cute and stuff when you're defensive. Your cheeks get all rosy, and you start fidgeting with your hands."

"I do _not,_" I reprised, supercilious, "and how would you know?"

They both, comically, gave me the exact expression I was not looking forward to seeing. "For a perspective person, Bella, you really don't seem to give yourself credit too much." Seth disapproved, flicking a stray piece of blond hair on Tanya's face. She briefly glanced at him, giving him a smile as she pinched his chin.

Once again, I felt the nauseating emotion that always left me forsaken.

The rest of lunch flew by. I had only eaten half of the _Snickers _bar when the bell insistently rang. Seth said his goodbye to Tanya while I stood off the side, watching anything but them. Walking to the Bio lab, Seth kept up a nonessential conversation of which I did not participate in.

"Speaking of which, I didn't see Garrett at lunch today. How about you?" his voice intertwined with apprehension. I jolted as my eyes widened, interrupting my brisk walk. "Neither did I. It had not crossed my mind . . . oh, I feel so detrimental."

"Chill, Bella. You're not the only one." He placed his hand on my back, slowly guiding me forward as though I required it.

We tumbled into the lab, Seth helping me in the removal of my jacket; it had gotten stuck onto the edge of the door. Whilst tugging, he contended with an adversary of laughing at my expression, aghast and absolutely embarrassed.

He hung his varsity jacket, "Are you going to sit with Cullen today, or shall I? Angie misses me, I think"

"She does." I whispered. "She prefers you over me."

Seth searched into my eyes. "Well? Do you want to sit with him? I don't mind, you know. He isn't much of a company, I warn you. But, apparently, it doesn't apply to you. Tans is right, something _is _wired wrong in your brain."

I scowled at his teasing face, "You are simply infuriating."

His question rolled on and on in my mind. Should I sit with Edward? Did I _want _to? Could I afford to do so?

All of them were answered when _he _strolled through the doorframe, as though he could have been reading my thoughts. As though he knew absolutely what I was wondering of. _You are a_ mother, _Bella, why are you acting so immature? _I could detect the slight antipathy in my conscience.

Edward Cullen brushed past Michael Newton, refusing to share a greeting with him. "What the hell is he _doing?_" Seth murmured, watching as he spoke with Angela. I was as confused as he was, because the green-eyed boy never failed to confound me.

And as he talked, his eyes once again caught mine. He moved over to where I stood with Seth, determination striking in his brilliant bright eyes. "Hey, Seth," he greeted my friend, though he did not meet his eye. Instead, he stared, seeming transfixed by an item in my eyes.

"You gonna avoid me again, Ms. Swan?" he asked in his velvet voice. Though most would think of it as a joke, I could hear the subtle edge. I opened my mouth, and then closed it. I did not know what to say. Heart speeding in pace, I shook my head.

Edward smiled a staggering, crooked grin that made me gaze in absolute stillness, "Good, because I'm not going to let you escape this time."

* * *

><p><em>AN: I am so, so, so sorry about the delay. I really am. But whatever the case, I'm back now, and I'm working on the next chapter for both of my on-going stories: CYKAS and TBOA. I'd like to thank everyone, again, for reading this story. I appreciate it, I really do, because I've never felt so inspired to write anything before. The mere thought of anyone reading some of my works is just . . . unbelievable. So thank you. =') From now on, you guys can expect to see more of Edward in Bella's life; but it will take time to build their relationship up. Edward also has a past, though I'm not revealing it yet. Don't wanna ruin the surprise, now, do we? _

_I'll be looking forward to your reviews! _

_-Serene_


	9. Blind

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Eight:**** Blind**

_Disclaimer: As painful as this is, I've got to admit Twilight will never be, in any way, mine. _

_Bella_

Seth's mouth went astray.

Yet I foolishly stared into Edward's face, entranced by his masculine jaw, how it jutted out perfectly as most of his features were. I fought the guilt as I watched the minute changes of his expressions. From amused to expectant, patience to impatience. He had the habit of furrowing his thick eyebrows, highlighting unseen shadows underneath those green, green eyes.

Why had I not noticed?

"Uh . . . you know what, Bella? I think Angie really _does _miss me. So I'll just . . . yeah, I'll leave you with Dream-Guy here." Seth teased, nudging my arm slightly, in full knowledge that I repudiate raucous contact.

I ripped my eyes away from Edward's questioning ones, "Deluded, you are, Seth."

He only winked. "I have no idea why you're being so serious, but hey, at least your cheeks are rosy. Yeah, yeah, 'you're completely mental' or whatever synonym that goes along with that. You know you love me."

"My cheeks are not–"

My ever delightful friend patted the top of my head patronizingly, slowly, as though he was parting for a boundless period. "Denial isn't always a good thing, Bella." And he strode off, leaving me in the tensed, awkward aftermath. Edward stood chuckling at our intercourse.

"Hey, Edward," a girl who dwarfed me in height grinned flirtatiously at the boy beside me, her eyes blinking in spasms. Eyes narrowed, the fury that provoked me took so little time to accumulate. My stomach clenched in silent hatred towards the unknown girl, who was in despair.

He did not, however, give her his attention. "Are you going to take the window seat, or shall I?"

Lip gnawed by my teeth, I contemplated. On one hand, today was rather overcast, with the gloomy sky dampening with rain every so often. The wind was not as harsh as it was, but it would make me chilly. I did not don my commonplace attire of thick sweaters. My jacket hung on the other end of the class, taunting me.

"Right, I'll just take that seat, then," he nodded, eyes containing pure seriousness. He walked past, sitting down on the stool. I hesitated, reluctant and yet willing, but eventually found myself seated beside Edward.

I chose that unexceptional moment to simultaneously glance at him as I took out my already battered lecture pad. Half of the pages were used up–scribbled notes in every subject I had were to be read here and there. To the customary person, it would not seem at all intriguing.

He raised an eyebrow. I realized my glance had become a stare. "You're a big fan of writing down stuff?"

"I suppose so, perhaps. Sometimes I write them down so I will not forget," I whispered. The teacher had entered the room, scowling like a distorted troll.

"Hmm . . ." Edward trailed, thoughtfulness substituting the questions he had in his eyes. It soothed the burning of the curiosity.

"Why? Is there something of matter?" My words were not calculative, flying out of my mouth as though I had no control. "No, it's not that . . . I was just thinking that, out of all the girls that I've seen so far, you are probably the most unique one." He looked sheepish, like he was admitting a presumptuous cowardice.

I found it indefinitely endearing.

Again, my words were my thoughts. "In exactly what idiosyncrasy did you intend to say?"

Edward paused, his green eyes sparkling with mischief, allowing me an access towards his thoughts. His perfect, supple lips were twitching at the corners; he was contending against a beam. "Like I said before, you are beau–"

"Mr. Cullen!" Mr. Banner shouted. I cringed.

_The Monster shouted, "Stop being so fucking difficult, Isabella!" He ripped off the zipper, uncaring, as the ends of the zip dug deep into my skin. His nails scratched, and I yelped pathetically in agony. "Yeah, whimper my name, Isabella. Say you love me." He cackled. _

_Say you love me . . . _

"-you okay there, Ms. Swan?" the teacher's deep voice rumbles. I snapped out of my obscuring memory, face void of any emotion. Edward sat, tensed and anticipated, as he stared. Reeling, my stomach clenched in premonition. My heart castigated my mind for bringing those forbidden memories back to the centre point of my expansive head.

Edward was troubled as he spoke, "Bella? You look sick . . ."

I shook my head. "I am al-alright." Chagrin, however, colored my distasteful voice. I could see Seth setting aside his items into his bag as he prepared to move closer to where I sat. A quick turn towards him, I shook my head.

However, my head spun rapidly, and I saw dark colored spots entering my vision. I grabbed onto an arm, unsure of whom it belonged to. My doubt quickly diffused into consternation.

"Oh, no . . . sir, may I be excused to send Bella to the Nurse's Office?" Edward's voice was soulful, velvety and calming. I closed my eyes, hoping to devour in the richness of his haunting and eerie but fundamentally mollifying voice.

The feeling that coursed through me then was both unfamiliar and it disturbed my current piece of mind. It reveled in jubilation, almost fiery as it played with the beatings of my heart. I could not name this feeling, this painstaking emotion that obliterated any damnation I felt.

Perilous with the idea of not knowing, I appointed myself the task of listening.

I floated, stuck into a conclusive place I did not know how to get out of. Someone's muscled arms wrapped around my body, heat gaining.

It struck me then who was the one who was attempting to carry me; Edward Cullen, the mysterious green-eyed boy.

Of course, _of course, _he would do so. I may not know him for a well termination of time, but I did comprehend the fact that Edward was chivalrous, he would not merely stand behind when someone was in a dire need.

I fought to regain control of my pertinacious body, yet it rebelled against my dominant mind. My fingers clutched the tender, cotton fabric of a shirt. The distinctive, unmistakable scent of mellifluous fabric conditioner swirled my head, fixating me in its addictive scent.

And it was then that I sank into the darkness.

"_Oh, hey, look who's here?" Jane announced, addressing the restaurant crowded with teenagers and pre-teens alike. From my peripheral view, I could see Felix holding onto her waist, kissing her neck, that sharp jaw-line. _

_Bile rose up my throat; I looked away, but I had nowhere to go. Mom had yet to arrive. I was supposed to meet her today, right here, five minutes from now. I should have known that_ they _would be here. _

_The room spun rapidly, forcing me to stumble about as Jane laughed joyfully. "All hail, Ms. Isabella Swan, the queen of the Klutz!" I grabbed onto a hand on impulse, saving myself from a fall. But the hand pushed me away, a despising voice ringing, "Don't touch me, freak!" _

_I met a boy's disgusted, overwrought face. I dared not to go any nearer towards him. The overbearing feeling of leaving heightened–oh, how vivid did I want to escape! _

_No one came to my rescue when someone poured a glass of Coke on me. They all laughed in abandon, enjoying my reaction as I squirmed. A camera light flashed, blinding me. Tears sprung to my eyes, but I would not allow myself to cry or to make a sound. _

"_This is so going on YouTube!" a girl laughed hysterically. I forced to myself to wipe off the stain, wishing fervently for my mother to arrive sooner. "Well, Isabella, what do you have to say?" Jane was closer now, her eyes glinting in pure evil and hatred. _

_I cowered from her intense, antagonistic stare. _

_She scowled, her hand reaching up. I heard the sound of her hand coming into contact with my cheek before I felt the stinging pain in my flesh. It stung; but my tears did not flow. For that, I was proud. My baby's adorable, trusting face envisioned in my mind. _

_And I found the strength. _

I awoke to the dim light of a diffusing bulb. Someone aerial my head was whispering, "She will be alright, dear. Now, why don't you go back to class?"

"No, ma'am, I'm afraid I cannot do that." That voice . . . yes, I recognized it. The melodic tune, the indescribable velvety richness, of that I could not find the words to explain. His voice, indeed, was like a brilliant rhythm. "I want to stay with her; I _need _to stay with her. Please, Ms. Cope."

Lamentation formed his begging. It was utterly heartbreaking to hear, I could only pray that she would survive the carnage of his eyes.

Her response was something I could not ascertain; it was too soft. The door opened quietly minutes after the exchange, and I was staring at Edward's troubled face. He looked up, smiled in relief, and breathed, "Hi."

"Hello," I returned the greeting.

And, although part of me begrudged it, I whispered, "Thank you for bringing me here . . . I suppose I owe you?"

Edward's green eyes inflamed. He was tempestuous, his body squaring up in retaliation. "_Owe _me? Bella, you don't owe me anything."

Flinching back from his intense words, I trained my eyes onto the cemented ground, the unscrupulous scent of chemicals mixing into one another, biting against my nose. I burned in recognition towards them.

It was indistinct, briefly. I could not bear to look up and meet his still inflamed eyes. I knew because the heat of his gaze was boring into me.

"We should probably get back to class." He said with dread and despondency clear in his voice. I nodded once, no longer in favor of keeping in contact with him.

As soon as we reached the hallways, however, Edward halted in his steps. I ceased as well, on instinct, watching his face twist, debating on some internal war within his mind. "What is it?" My voice trembled, distressing me. It effectuated on me that my unmitigated body was trembling as well. Of what, I could not possibly apprehend.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he apologized, his eyes looking deep into mine, "I'm sorry if I can't . . . if I am . . . I am just really sorry, I guess."

"However do you mean?"

"Sorry, I'm not making much sense here, am I?"

"Obviously," I criticized, looking up and down his physique. My cheeks turned into the color of a bloody rose, though it was unintentional, my heart continued its beating in an expeditious pace. My palms, of their own, unwritten accord, turned slick suddenly.

Edward took a step closer. "Sorry."

"Please, do not say that. I am the one who should atone in apology for the way I have acted earlier." _Think of Vanessa, Bella, it will be easier to remember that you are _not _the blushing school girl you were once. Think of that logical reasoning. Brand it in that you have a _daughter, _someone who is very much alive and requires your undivided love. You are a mother to a five year old child. _

The boy with the resplendent green eyes smiled only wider. "No, no. It's my fault. Anyway, let's just get to class, yeah? We sure do not want Mr. Banner going after us for skipping."

_We are friends. No more. _

"Alright," oh, I could feel the tensed muscles in my cheeks as I smiled, loosening in the progression.

Entering the Biology lab brought back an incidental wave of déjà vu –everyone stared as Edward and I made our way into our seats. Seth looked on, in complete concern and consideration. His hazel-like eyes never looked away from me while Edward talked to me incessantly.

I was grateful, for he did not pry into my past. He spoke of music, and I perceived that he was a rather stupendous fan of that particular area of the arts. Mr. Banner did not pay any measure of attention towards us.

He asked, "So what about you?"

Seth arrived then, helping me in the tiresome process of packing my bag. "Don't worry, Bella, I got your back," he winked at me, vainglorious of the papers in his hands. I glanced at them, and then more responsively, I took them from him.

My heart, this time, acknowledged the vast conglomerate that he displayed. In my shaking hands were notes of which he had written down. "Oh, thank you!" I smiled warmly at him, the trust making me feel lighter, as though I was on a high.

I knew not to expect it to last.

Seth looked behind me, a grin on his young face. "Well, then. I'll leave you and Edward to get, uh, acquainted."

The antecedent emotion of acceptation dissipated into nothingness as I gave my friend a discordant glare. He only laughed, touched the back of my hand, and trudged out of the class. I tried my most extraordinary best to not glance at the boy beside me, impassioned with the burning electricity.

"Um, let's go?" Edward was unsure, and I nodded, unable to look.

We walked in silence once more, though it was oppressively uncomfortable. "You do realize you have yet to answer my question?" He questioned around a soliciting girl, barging through us in a business-like manner. I ensured that there was a safeguard amount of space between us, profoundly aware we were leaning ever so closely towards one another.

"Yes, undoubtedly I do," I fingered the indigo-blue pebble my baby had entrusted me with. It stayed stapled onto my wrist, held up by a mere metal chain. Flimsy and invigorating, it took away the rough emotions I felt.

The insubstantial rock countermanded me of my priorities–of what my daughter really required.

"So?" Edward questioned.

"I do not typically listen to music. One would find my education of the arts fairly limited." My fingers froze on the cold metal, my heart screaming at me in loathsome acrimony.

He did not answer for a period of time. We reached the Gym, Tanya and Seth awaiting my arrival at its doors. Garrett passed them reticently, eyeing me in speculation as he saw who I walked with. With an unpretentious smile, he waved to me before going on his way.

My eyes, cast sluggishly on the ground, caught glimpse of Edward's fists clenching. His breath, quietly, came out as a rush of infuriated unhappiness.

He took a significant look at Seth and Tanya, who stared back with no fluctuations. Turning to me, I forced myself to meet to his kind yet dejected green eyes, captive in resignation. His lips were extracted in a half-hearted smile that indubitably took away my quickening breaths.

Determination colored his voice, however. "I'll find you some great music, promise."

"Thank you, but I cannot yield to–"

Edward shook his head, "Yeah, but I am not going to leave you with a choice." He grinned, pleased, and left me standing in enervated indignation.

Tanya giggled. "Okay, that was just weird, but cute."

"No, that was just plain weird, babe." Seth protested, hand in hand with her. They kissed; I looked painfully away. And soon it was only Tanya and I, slipping on the indispensable attire. She gazed at me in wonder and awe, though I did nothing worth of reverence. "Wow, Bella," she enthused later on as we rejoined Seth.

I chose to ignore her, unwilling to entertain her muses. I only wanted to see my daughter–the pebble did no justice–and I was adjourned restless.

"Edward Cullen's looking at you." Her heterogeneous exclamations broke through my clouded mind, though I was refused to acknowledge it. "Hey, Bella, I'm sorry." She murmured. Her usually excited voice was not of its usual character; she was turbulent.

Looking towards my friend, I nodded, brooding. But I realized that this action was not only rude, but irreversibly deleterious as well. She did not deserve any of this. Turning back to Tanya, I kept in mind that she was an innocent in this dangerous play of vindictive games. I smiled slightly, "It is quite alright, Tanya."

"Why the damp mood, though?" Seth leaned in and I was aware of Lauren Mallory's group of friends entering the Gym. It was inexplicable to hear her shrieks–not to indicate her incredibly strident giggles–and those made me want to curl into my bed, searching comfort with my baby's body against me.

Tanya tied her hair in a loose bun, a style of which she learned from me. "Do you even need to ask?"

"We can't all be smart students, Tans." His tone was reproachful. I smiled, listening to their banter. This was soothing towards my ragged emotions. I was reminded of Ness's playful grins whenever she tried to hide her misdoings.

As Coach Clapp arrived, Seth's rumbling voice lowered. "But really–Bella, why are you so moody?"

"I . . ." I did not ludicrously reveal anything, due to the compact exposure of the teenagers seated. He, though, understood my concealed words. Leaning into Tanya's side, he whispered of my reason for my being miserable.

She apprehended, her plump lips forming an 'O.'

"My father deemed it okay for you to come over." I told them, affectionate as I thought of my daughter's uplifted expression. She enjoyed their company, which was more than I could say. She did not voice it, but I could see that she was more adapted to living here; she loved that she had actual friends to chat with.

Of course, there was still Jacob–that poor, little boy who I never saw since our day at the beach. I would be perfidious if I did not confess I am still confounded by Seth's secret. I tried, instead, to mislead myself by imagining Ness.

Tanya and Seth wore interminable beams, their teeth glinting in the fluorescent lights. "Awesome!" They chorused as one, looking in shock at each other after they had done so.

"Are we going to see her today? I mean, we've got work and stuff, right?" Tanya asked as we played. She tossed the ball towards me. We were in the midst of a basketball game, competing with Lauren Mallory's group.

It was of sheer calamitous luck that we had to play against her. She stood close to the hoop, divergently filing her nails as if she did not heed any care for her friends. They did their best, and Tanya and I had the pleasure of watching them scowl murderously at their impervious leader.

Rosalie Hale bumped into her despite the fact that the ball was on the opposite court, in the hands of Amanda Williams. "Hey, watch it!" Lauren hissed spitefully, narrowing her eyes at the ridiculously stunning blond girl. She spoke as though Rosalie had interceded something in high preponderance.

"If you're not too busy, _Mallory,_" she spat acrimoniously, "would you mind helping us out here? We're kind of in the middle of a game."

Afterwards, Lauren Mallory did not contest.

Even past these many miles, I should have established that there would always be people who did not show gratitude, who simply did not have a care in the world. I was not sentimental towards them –they do not realize that everything they stand for would someday be vanquished.

_Bella, enough, _the voice chided.

"Earth to my friend–hello? Are you there?" Tanya waved her hand in front of my frigid face. We were running towards the Prius underneath the assault of the vexatious rain. My heart thrashed fervently in my chest, in time with the thunder.

I did not like the loud booming. My baby would be absolutely paralyzed in terror. She was scorned against thunder.

"Yes." I pulled my jacket around my shivering frame, aware that my hands were slowly turning the color of blue. "Would you like to stop by my," I could not distinguish why I had a pause, "home . . ." If they sensed my nonsensical insecurity, they chose not to administer it out loud.

Seth met my gaze through his rearview mirror. "Sure, why not? I brought some chocolate for the little princess." He laughed, pointing at his bag atop of his girlfriend's lap. She laughed, freed the zipper, and began studiously poking about.

And she turned frozen, eyes wide with sorrow and shock, as she stared at a folded piece of photograph.

He met my beseeching gaze evenly, his face entirely ashen with the gut-wrenching fear that broadcasted out of his hazel eyes. I frowned, yet I made no attempt to discourse. I gave him and Tanya their privacy, looking out the window as they communicated silently.

Seth sighed.

"We're here." He tapped his index finger onto the steering wheel before opening his car door. I followed his model, thoughts of seeing my daughter after the burdensome day promptly boosted my enthusiasm–I could no longer anticipate the wait.

Outside the front door, I could already hear her sweet, bubbly voice laughing along with Sue's maternal one. She heard the door unlock, and my baby came bounding into my arms. "Mommy!" her welcome was most adorable as I inhaled her scent.

"Baby, baby," I cooed, kissing her forehead before swinging her up into my arms. She giggled against my neck, her warm breath raising goose-bumps onto my freezing skin. "How was your day, sweetie? Did you eat lunch–"

My question was brusquely intermittent as I entered the living room. I locked eyes with little Jacob Black, staring at me abashedly from behind Sue's leg. I hugged Vanessa closer to my right side, shifting her. "Why, hello, Jacob! It has been so long! Oh, you have grown!" I knelt down, extending my arm in an offer.

His wide smile was easy to comprise. "Hi, Bella," he waved and waded over, allowing me to hug him. Jacob's black eyes pinpointed behind my back, and he gasped in revelation, "Uncle Seth!"

"Hey there, kiddo," my friend laughed, bending down to tackle on the little boy's spirited hug. "Uncle Seth?" Ness frowned, twisting so she could view him, "Uncle Seth!" She said in liveliness, wiggling so that she could say her greeting, of which she would encompass him in a deathly embrace.

Tanya pretended to sniffle. "Am I the only one who realizes I'm ignored?"

I laughed; my temperament in high spirits. She laughed as well in response while Ness eagerly reached for her. "Aunty Tanya! Hello!" my baby was soon placed in Tanya's arms, her expression replete with mingling shock and excitement. Seth let go of Jacob, who Tanya swung up. He took my daughter into his arms, grinning.

"Guess what, Chocolate?" He asked in an ebullient voice.

She looked at him wholly. "Uh-uh. The last time Mommy said that, she gave me a real surprise." I laughed again, opening my arms to take her. We sat in the couch, barely fitting, as Sue moved into the kitchen. I heard the stove flaring open–the crackling of the fire instantly producing a homey atmosphere.

Seth was unrelenting, however. "Nah, Chocolate. Guess."

Jacob leaned around Tanya, fascinated.

Anyone could see the transparent, unmitigated admiration that the little boy held for Seth. His eyes shone with adoration for his idol, and I inaugurated myself in thoughts of this little boy growing up to be like Seth, loyal, trusting and humorously propitious.

"I don't wanna."

"Well too bad, you're still going to guess." Seth chortled at her, as Jacob guffawed at Vanessa's sheepish face. "Okay, um . . . you bought Mommy a teddy bear too?" I laughed, amused by her antics.

He shook his head, laughing. "Oh, please. Your mom wouldn't even play with a Lego box if she had one."

Tanya took the ambition to deliberately smack her lover. "Thank you," I scoffed with exasperated bewilderment. "I feel unparalleled by your statement." Jacob, despite having no indication of understanding what I spoke of, pointed at Seth and laughed in utter recreation.

"Ouch, babe, that hurt. Okay, okay, fine. You win. Here you go Ness, Jake," he addressed the children, producing the chocolate he had earlier gotten. Then, he split it into half, handing it to them. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" my daughter chorused, taking the chocolate.

Little Jacob watched it warily, as though he predicted a trap. "What's wrong, Jake?" Tanya asked, rubbing his stiff shoulders. "Yeah, bud. What's up? You sick or something?" Seth asked him, touching his forehead, the chocolate in his extravagant hand all but abandoned.

He shook his head, "No. Dad said that sweets and candies are bad for my teeth. Rachel and Rebecca are allergic to chocolate, too."

"Since when do people get allergic to sweets?" Seth questioned me and Tanya, his hazel eyes fueled with rage. "That's stupid, you know. Here, Jake, eat. I don't care what Billy says." Jacob smiled and, for a moment, I forgot that this little boy's family immeasurably detested him.

I could not ascertain as to why they could commit to such a contrivance, when their little boy was committed to loving them.

Not much later, Sue came back to the living room to inform us that Billy would be closing down the diner for today. Deplorable, I questioned her why. "He's, uh, well he's attending Rachel's graduation up in Virginia. You know how he is with his diner; unless he is there, he won't let anyone else run it."

"Wait, so we don't have to go for work today? _All _of us, including the new ones?" Seth observed his mother.

Sue inclined her head towards the landline. "You want to call him up and ask him yourself? I have better things to do, Seth." He grinned, jumping up in sudden provocation. "Yes! No work today!"

I was vacillating why Jacob had not superseded with Billy to Rachel's graduation. Was he not considered family, then, if he sat here with us instead of with the Blacks?

Despite Billy being Dad's best friend for perpetual existence, in spite of the authenticity of him being little Jacob's father, I could not relish or reign in the spontaneity of Billy's actions. They were intolerable; unjustified, even. How could he simply leave behind his son on such an aristocratic circumstance?

Billy Black administered his son as though he was an outsider, unwelcomed in his life.

"You get to stay with me today, then, Mommy?" my baby snuggled closer to my body, craning her head in a more elevated position so she could scrutinize me.

I kissed her contemptible forehead. "Yes, baby. Mommy gets to stay."

She laughed, her chocolate brown embers shining, pulchritudinous, and she held up my wrist. "You're wearing my pebble!"

"Of course, baby, why would I not?" My tone was arrogant, playfully spiteful. Ness giggled, moving about as she wrapped her small arms around my neck. She nuzzled her head against my cheek, and I finally found the gratification I had been searching for.

The afternoon was spent with my daughter and Jacob playing board games with Seth as Tanya, Sue and I cooked dinner, making use of the fishes Dad generally brought home from his fishing trips. While Tanya and Sue marinated the fish, I staged the perfect apple pie.

Idealistically, my daughter padded into the kitchen, sniffing the delicious air that wafted in the cozy, comfortably informal atmosphere that we women created. Chatter and infrequent merriment was irreplaceable.

"Mommy, can I help?"

Picking her up and setting her atop the counter, I tapped a dash of flour on her little button nose, kissing her cheek as I replied, "Sure, honey. Why don't you help Mommy roll the dough for the pie?" She clapped and I was alleviated to see my baby so eager and pleasing; of this, she learned from her grandmother surely.

Mom would have loved to bake an apple pie with me–it was one of the few courses she could conjure. I brought a chair towards my front, carrying Ness and placing her above it. Cupping her hands, I showed her how to flatten the dough, laughing when she could not constrain enough energy to effectively do so.

And yet she persisted, utterly belligerent as she tried to prove that she could excel.

Indeed, Vanessa was an intelligent girl. The smile on my face could not be extirpated watching my little girl work diligently, calmly . . . patiently. She no longer heeded me to accommodate her, depending on herself instead.

"Mm, what's this I smell?" Dad's rough, deep voice rang throughout the house, forcing Ness to renounce her hardship and to pounce on my father, who carried her up with little unease. He came into the kitchen, still looking down at his granddaughter, "Hey there, Ness."

"Hello, Grandpa!" she kissed his calloused cheek kindly. "Mommy's here, too!"

Dad took his eyes away from my baby, "Really? Oh! Bella, it's good to see you, kid! I thought you have work?"

"Billy was off at Rachel's–"

"-graduation," he finished. "Damn! I forgot about that!"

I chastised him, pointing incisively at Ness, "Your words, Dad, watch your words." He laughed and hugged Vanessa closer to him, making her twitter in a fit of giggles. "Nah, she wouldn't say bad words now, Ness, would you? Tell your mom you wouldn't."

"Never ever!" she vowed solemnly, looking into my eyes. I could not obstruct myself from reaching out for my daughter. Due to all the iniquitous happenings in her life, she had to capitulate that she could not live a methodical life.

_You are an ignoble excuse for a parent, Bella! How can you not give your daughter happiness when she postulates it eminently! _

I did not dwell on the bitingly resentful voice, how it encouraged me to guilt-trip myself. I focused, instead, on the moment right here, in the present where I could see my daughter bounce about, as happy as she could ever be. Her brown eyes were sparkling intensely, and I knew that this was where she was meant to be–with our family and our friends.

Why could I not say the same for me?

_Stop, Bella. It is no longer about you. Vanessa's well-being–not to mention her entire abundance–is what matters the most. She is all you will need; do ameliorate job of raising her. Be impeccable, amicable and infallible. _My conscience admonished me of who held the ultimate precedence in my existence.

Dinner was an intimate, substantial affair. Dad decided to tell stories–legends–that could only belong to this perplexing, negligible town. Seth took the liberty of cleaning the dishes, aware that of the debt he had to pay for not contributing strength earlier.

The children were enraptured, and when Seth rejoined us, he contributed the tales as well. Dad, Sue and the kids sat around the diminutive wooden table that had been barely sufficient to host all of us.

Seth, Tanya and I convened in the living room, speaking of exiguous conditions. We deliberated, argued and coincided on different topics. At one point, Seth could not restrict himself, thus asking for an excuse to take a recess on the exterior of the house.

"You best console him," I told Tanya, the hint of transgression incontrovertible in my articulation. But my friend surprised me by shaking her head, "No. It's _you, _Bella. You should talk to him. I've got a feeling it's you he wants to speak with, not me."

I could not interpret her boring eyes; her usual, light-brown eyes profoundly excessive in earnest thought. It was, however, competent enough to search for Seth.

He was straightforward to discover, sitting in the steps of my porch. His shoulders hunched on himself, and staring at his grief spine, I accomplished that he resembled a conflicted man.

Was this the same, tantamount boy who would joke about with Tanya? Implausible, I would venture.

Sitting beside his aggressive, bulky frame, I rubbed my hands against the imparting sensation of moderate coldness, watching the air turn discernible from my concupiscent breath. My clothes heeded no rectitude for the night.

He played with his varsity jacket, "Hey, Bella?"

"Yes?"

Seth took a deep breath, his fingers furling and unfurling on his the cotton of his soft, pliant fabric. His sculptured structure of his face was distorted in meditation. "Would you care to listen to a story?"

I did not murmur or make any indication of speaking; I permitted my ears to listen well.

His fingers clenched as he barged into his narrative. "Imagine a happy family, one that was the perfect picture of how a family should really be. The father kind and noble; he wouldn't dare hit his children. The mother was trusting and caring, she'd rather hurt herself than hurt anyone else. A sister, so beautiful it was almost unnatural. And the youngest–a little brother–who couldn't care less. One day, another normal day, the father leaves for work in his police outfit, all ready to fight crime. The mother goes to her day job, which is to teach at an elementary school. Both the brother and sister leaves for school in the sister's red convertible.

"And when, at exactly two o'clock, the school bell rang, the brother runs out of class and into the red convertible, waiting for his sister. It takes her awhile, but eventually, she arrived with the rest of her friends, all geared up for a fun day of peace, joy and laughter. The brother," at this, Seth's hardened lips emancipated, "gets squished against the side."

He unclenched his hands before contracting his hold on his jacket. "She brings him home, tells him to tell their parents she'll be home by seven, only hanging out at the local diner. Annoyed, he reluctantly agrees. At six, when his parents arrive from work, he's so engrossed in _StarCraft _he forgets to tell them of his sister not coming home till seven.

"Hours passed, and his sister hasn't come home. With no phone call or text message, the 'rents start worrying like crazy. Being a cop himself, the father knew of certain protocols. Unless the person was missing for an entire day, you can't make an official report. Antsy, the whole family started calling up her friends, asking them where she was last seen. They all said the same thing; that she was headed home after dropping them off at their respective cribs."

Seth was lost, and so was I. The emotions he described, every word, had a memory latched onto it. I could not shake off the intelligence that it would not end in a convivial mannerism. "At four-thirty in the early morning, she came home without her convertible, battered and her clothes hanging in tatters. She had tears in her eyes, bruises and red welts among her body. The father assumed she was attacked, but it was way more than that.

"See, Bella, this sister, the beautiful, kind sometimes tenacious sister, was gang-raped off the streets of Tacoma. Traumatized, she couldn't even talk, only staring into the distance–"

I could not bear to endure the story; it was bringing back recollections of which I did not hanker to commemorate or to reminisce about. My heart lurched in excruciating torment, the memories materialized to the very essence of my mind.

_The Monster's lingering hands on my body dug into an internal abyss. Growling in satisfaction, he bit into my shoulder. I cried out, though my plea was muffled by a handkerchief. Tears cascaded down my blistering cheeks as he pushed against me. "Be quiet!" he roared, slapping my face repeatedly. _

_How badly did I want to defy his demand, but my body reactions–on a sense of self-preservation–betrayed me. _

_When it was over, when he had had his fill, he chuckled, "Well, Isabella, I must say you're definitely the one who struggled the most. For that, I give you credit. Hmm . . . should I let you live? Oh no, sweetheart, don't cry, please don't. Such a pretty face to ruin by crying." _

_He unbounded my mouth, and I began petitioning to live. "Please, please! Don't kill me, please!" _

"_Oh, alright," the Monster started buckling his belt, "I'll let you stay alive. Of course, you must not tell a soul, now, about me. Or I will come after you, Isabella." His voice, once attractive and alluring, slipped into a menacing tone. I cringed against his foul breath. _

_The Monster whispered. "And I will make sure you regret it. I will tear out your long hair," he yanked on my curled mane to prove his point, "one by one. And then I shall use a knife, perhaps a fruit knife, and I will slice up that pretty mouth. Oh yes, first the mouth, and then the neck. I will aim for your jugular, and I will slice it up slowly." _

_He pulled apart, hearing the stutter and meretricious hammering of my heart. "So you will do well to remain quiet, yes? Good girl." He patted the top of my head. _

Up until today, I have never feared anyone as much as I have feared the Monster.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Seth asked me, eyeing my unscrupulous demeanor. His voice brought me back, to pertain why I left Florida–to escape from him as well. As many as a mile I would put between the Monster and I, it would be better.

This was the basis of why I was recalcitrant to elucidate to Ness of her heritage. Her mind was still young; I wanted to be able to consecrate her innocence for as towering as possible. She was still a fledging for agitated tribulation.

"Yes," I meandered stiffly. "I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you, I knew I shouldn't have told you that story." He looked down in disdain.

I touched the back of his tensed arm, "It is quite alright. You did not mean it entirely. Speak, Seth. I know this holds of an uncountable significance to you."

He stared into my eyes, unseeing, measuring until he knew I was meaningful in my words. "The sister was a zombie for three months. Her mother quit her job while the health of the father rapidly declined. At four months, after the most trusted doctor in town, Doctor Cullen, reviewed her health, they were more than shocked to discover that she was pregnant. They didn't know whose baby it was, and this caused the little brother to rip himself further. If he'd at least tried going with her, he could have protected his sister. He could prevent any of _this _from happening. No one blamed the little brother but himself. And for a long time, he did nothing but care for his sister.

"When she gave birth, it did little to improve her situation. Sorrowed by the family's condition, a close family friend decided to claim the child as his own, to deflect the attention from the family to his. No one knew that the baby–who grew up to be a wonderful little boy–belonged to the sister. In time, she recovered slowly, bits of herself before returned. But it was never enough. She still had nightmares, and often, she would retreat into that shell. She is twenty-two years old now, and she studies in a community university away from this town.

"As for the little boy . . . he never knew his mother. He assumes that everyone hates him because he's an illegitimate born, and that's the story everyone eats up. He will never know his mother, the sister who can't even be bothered to take a look at the child she bore. She was too distressed to even ask how he is doing."

Seth went unpretentious after that, allowing me to postulate that he was finished.

I understood the story undeniably to an extent that he was not speaking of a chronicle. "The sister is yours, is she not?" I proposed.

"Yes, Jacob's mother is Leah's . . . and he is my nephew."

As he uttered the words, I could feel warmth discharging from his tone, a searing ensconce love hidden in sacrilege. He loved little Jacob Black with all his heart, of that I could be uncompromised. He protected his nephew by keeping a close eye on the little boy.

He defended the child by hiding the truth and executing his mental being for not having the ability to sentinel his sister, Leah. My stomach grew limp with relation, I knew not to encumbrance him in the multiple propositions in my head.

"And your father's death–"

Seth infringed me. "Alas, even the strongest fall off the wagon at times."

"Thank you," I whispered in hostile praise, "for sharing your past. You do not know how . . . indebted I am apprehending at this instance. You are a stimulating, powerful man to absorb so much of this, yet you do not give in. I am in awe of you, Seth. You truly are inspiring."

He pulled back, "Not as inspiring as you. I see the way you're with Vanessa, Bella, and I can see the pure love in your eyes. You'd die for her, and vice-versa. You've got one really smart kid and whenever I think of you and your daughter . . . I think of how that should have been my sister and Jacob."

I frowned exceptionally. "You are biased, Seth."

My words brought back the light of lighthearted good in his hazels. My friend was back in his place as he joked, "Whatever. I still think you're a cool mom. Do they have awards for the Coolest Mom Ever? They don't? Well, they should. I bet you'd be the sure winner."

"Very flattering," I laughed, nudging his shoulder in tomfoolery.

The door opened, the yellow light streaming in from the corridor casting a slit of illumination on my knees. Tanya was circumspect as she explained, "Hey, Seth? Your mom and Jacob are looking for you. It's time to head home."

I looked up to meet her vigilant eyes. "Are you leaving, then?"

"We'll be back in the morning," she promised, smiling whilst hastening over to where we sat. She gave me a tight but prudent hug of which I returned. Ness's soprano voice was ringing in the chill of the night, unboundedly forceful as she said her goodbye to Jacob and Sue.

I delivered my farewell to the two of them, touching the little boy's keen face. "Bye, Bella!" he waved.

Today was not as productive as I thought it would, though I was well acquainted with the hypothesis of how Jacob came to be. Dad decided to diverse in slumber. "Goodnight Bells, night kiddo." He ruffled my baby's mahogany curls, watching as they bounced in reprisal.

In the dark of the bedroom, with my daughter in my arms and the panache of the dream-catcher incandescent in the lustrous moonshine, my body shuddered against the odd memories. The oversized shirt I wore as a nightgown was thin, bearing no high degree of warmth. The quilt, though, compensated.

Here, where I felt safest, I closed my eyes and allowed myself the pleasure of picturing Edward Cullen.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'd like to apologize for the inconsistent frequency of the updating of TBOA. Most of you must be really annoyed with me by now, but I do hope that this whole chapter was enjoyable. What did you think of Seth's history with Jacob? Were you expecting any of it? Also, I'd like to address a minor continuity problem: at one point of time, I accidentally wrote Charlie addressing Seth as, "And tell your father I'll see him on Monday." Seth's dad, by the way, is dead. If you could just forget that actually happened, I'd be more than happy. =) So, thank you all so much for the kind reviews! _

_-Serene. =)_


	10. Unraveling Me

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter Nine: Unraveling Me**

_Disclaimer: Okay fine. You caught me. Twilight doesn't belong to me. _

_Bella_

Of the three months I spent in this dreary but comforting town, I have never been any less thrilled than throughout my stay in Florida. My baby was growing well–I could barely carry her now, which, despite my many protests, amused me for I knew then that my daughter was in good hands.

Dad and Sue's relationship has never been any stronger. He still thanks me until now, for had it not been for me and my daughter, he would not have met her.

Seth and Tanya–as well as Garrett–have been so incorporated in my existence that I could barely imagine my former life. There were still nights that I would awake in a cold shudder, the utter confusion and upheaval I would receive from my nightmares shocking me into an undeniable anguish. Yes, that was the part I would never be able to eradicate.

I had forgotten what it was like to trust someone so much that it felt like an alternate universe with my friends. Garrett knew not of Ness yet; as much as I knew he was capable of keeping further secrets, I was more than diffident to expose my daughter. _She is too young to experience the blistering agony! _My instincts would scream.

Opposed to the positive turning of my life, there was a corrosive negative as well.

Lauren Mallory had not stopped tormenting me. This was a certain expectation based on her snide comments, those inquisitive twinkling of her eyes which always meant she was up in mischief. I already knew not to fear; it would be a mockery of who I was. The mere fact that I had been through bullying before was a surplus.

She would come a few feet of me, and Tanya would snap. Seth would push me out of the way, Garrett wrapping a firm arm around my shoulder and tugging me someplace else. When I was alone, however, she would corner me and begin the slow torture of teasing.

The school knew of the rivalry between her and me–though that was laughable. There was _no _conflict. She would have already won the battle due to my unwillingness to fight back. It was ineffectual either way, for none of what she does affect me. I only cared for the secrecy and safety of my daughter.

Prior to Lauren's lead, most of the students in FHS have also decided to go against me. This, I presume, is the result of dominating power and provoking fear. Only a few would listen to my words; the others would glare in utter hatred, as though they knew what I had been through.

But of the revolting, attention-seeking teenagers, Edward Cullen emerged to be a friend, not a foe. If he saw me, he would wave and come over for a quick chat. He did well on his vow to provide me music–I was not a fan of loud drums or whispered screeching. He burned a disc of classical music, something I did not envisioned.

The boy with the green eyes continued to strike me with wonder as he drifted to and fro his group to mine. There was never a thin line of diversion as he sat with Seth, already fast-friends with him. Garrett would mingle, though he chose nowadays to spend his lunchtime in the library, a feat I had grown accustomed to.

Edward's siblings–the charming pixie girl and the hulking boy–would sometimes accompany him. The goddess and the other blonde boy very rarely followed. Instead they watched with curious, assuming eyes I found disconcerting.

When I was not working or pursuing a head-start on my school-work, I listened to the music with a reverence. Compositions I knew not a name to, some of which I could be definite were his own. Piano, violin and the occasional guitar soothed my ragged ears after a day worth of bustling around in the Lodge.

Ness had questioned where I had gotten the CD from, and I told her the part-truth; that it was from a friend. She loved the music, so in tune that she herself would play it for me in my antiquated CD player during the weekends we spent together, alone. Recently, I decided to snip off her long mahogany locks–she did not enjoy the wisps of hair she would have to spit out whenever she played with Jacob.

My daughter now had hair that reached the end of her neck, highlighting her big, beautiful brown eyes in a doe-like manner. Dad approved of this so much he had to prevail from pinching her cheeks many a time. Even Seth and Tanya were dazzled by her.

Though it was in a procrastinating velocity, she regained the fullness of her cheeks before Mom died. She was in complete, unmitigated health. I prided myself in this, for raising her so well in the past few months. Dad played a remarkable role, too, as he was the one who provided half the income for all of us.

I did not spend the money I earned on meaningless items on myself. Instead, I brought Ness to a store in Port Angeles with Tanya and Sue, asking her to pick the clothes she wanted. She had vastly outgrown her otherwise decrepit ones, and it was time for her to obtain a new wardrobe.

She was humble at an early age, asking me to choose for her instead.

The trip was not at all long or resigning, I found that I enjoyed buying my daughter all the items she liked. But she knew the limitations, reaching for a book rather than another Barbie. I had laughed in joy when she read to me that night, her brown eyes filled with excitement, enjoying the feel of new books.

"She takes after her mom after all," Dad had commented whilst watching us.

A week before, my father had instructed Ness to cover my eyes as he held my hand, bringing me out the front door. Vanessa all but obliged faithfully–climbing on my back eagerly, with agility, as she clasped her tiny palms over my unseeing eyes. "No peeking, Mommy!" she enthused in her thrilling soprano.

I smelt it before I saw it.

Familiar but confusing, with the faint scent of rusted metal high in the air, my recent origin of a truck sat before me. Its diminishing electric blue fenders were sturdy, practical for someone with such adversity to luck. The wheels were large, taunting as I stared in shock. I could not breathe in that moment; could not even think.

Only one thought was clear in my effervescent mind: _That _is mine?

Dad guffawed with sheer entertainment watching my staggered expression, which must have been amusing. My baby slid down my back, running up to the truck and patting its side door. "You like, Mommy? Grandpa bought it for you! I picked the color!" she giggled in felicity.

"Not like, baby. _Love," _I had whispered, still shell-shocked from the present. My hands were clenched in double fists, the tendons sticking out.

Since then, Seth no longer brought me to school. We met in the parking lot in the early morning with Garrett, choosing to park side by side as we palavered endlessly of movies and multitudinous books. Tanya would speak of the gossip swirling around our school, all the while teasing dear Garrett on his unrestrained crush on her sister, Kate.

I did not have the knowledge of this until he told me, uncertainty in his eyes as he spoke. He truly loved her, but she did not reciprocate it. Tanya would only scoff and hiss about how unrelenting and grotesque her sister was, but she knew better to push him–Garrett was hurting more than we gave him credit for.

Truly, there were many irrefutable happenings that occurred in the past three months. I kept on waiting to be rebuked, as though all of this was a dream.

And I would surely awaken hastily.

* * *

><p>"Order's up!" Heidi cried in triumph, pulling me from the depth of my recalling. I squeezed my right shoulder, numb and sore, as I reached for the tray of delicacies. Around me the Lodge was still filled with life, despite the unholy hour on a Thursday night. Dad and Vanessa would be asleep by now, hopefully in peace with their dreams.<p>

Weighing the scale of the tray, I strode into the tumultuous dining area, heading for table four of Carlisle and Esme Cullen. I had gotten acquainted with their being here, always ordering the same dishes. It made it far accommodating for all of the staff; we did not have to scramble like clueless chickens.

Edward smiled warmly at me, "Hey, Bella."

I nodded in greeting, a wild blush already in place, "Hello." The dishes were passed around, Emmett Cullen's booming, concentrated voice sounding like the rumbling of thunder as he chuckled with voraciousness. "Excellent. Now, brother, I challenge you to drinking that milkshake non-stop till it's gone!" He laughed unexpectedly, and my heart catapulted in phenomenon.

"Uh, no thanks," Edward shook his head, revolted. I smiled at this exchange, handing Alice Cullen her salad. She caught my wandering eye, a roll of speculation passing through us. She knew I still hid her secret with Rosalie Hale–that she could care less for Lauren.

"Would that be all?" I asked once it was over. My shoulder ached in baking protest, forcing me to rub my hand against it in an effort to conceal the distressful pain. Their answer would be as conventional, Doctor Cullen saying no in a polite manner.

This night differed, however, as he raised an eyebrow, "Are you okay, Bella? That shoulder of yours doesn't look too good, sweetheart." I blushed, halting the movement of my betrayed, massaging fingers. "It is all right, sir. I suppose I just need a break, is all."

Esme Cullen pursed her lips, "Oh dear. Too much load, I expect. Take a rest, sweetie. I believe you need it. Unlike my children here," she glared at them in fraudulent anger, "who does nothing but sit around, you've been working really hard. Go on, you should–"

"Bella, table number five's waiting for their order!" Garrett yelled from the counter. I flinched but sighed, all too used to the industrious job I had. "Unfortunately, ma'am," I smiled ruefully at her, "I cannot afford to take a break."

Leaving them with those pondering words, I moved on to attend to more pressing needs. Seth was in charge of washing the dishes currently, Tanya across the room, gritting her teeth in annoyance to a wailing family of seven, parents the picture of stubbornness and vanity.

I patted her on the back in encouragement as I passed her. She smiled gratefully, and with a deep breath, renewed her words. The hours passed–I watched as Edward and his family left, leaving a titanic amount of tips on the table like they would always do.

Tanya and I took off our uniforms, anxious to get home. She spoke of the upcoming renewal of vows between her mother and father as they remarried. Tanya's eyes were as bright as day, illustrating the highlights and points of the wedding she and her other sister, Irina, had planned.

"-so it's going to be fantastic! Everyone we know in this town's going to come, well, not exactly–most of them, anyway. And, being my best friend and all, I'm expecting you to get your butt into a lovely gown and join me for a march down the aisle." She concluded as we walked towards our vehicles.

Her lover raised a curious brow, "The wedding again? Aren't you ever tired of talking about it?"

"Of course not," she clicked her tongue at him disapprovingly, before turning back. "So what do you say, Bella?" I took a deep breath, biting my bottom lip as I inched towards my truck. "I do not want to disappoint you, Tanya, but I am unable to compromise that."

She pouted. "Oh, come on! Please? I could really use some help. Plus, Seth and Garrett are going to be out of town for a couple of reasons; it's the annual football meet up in California. You _have _to come or I'll have no choice but to hang with Kate." Tanya made an undesirable expression, repugnant by the idea.

I sighed, "We shall have to see. When is it?"

"This Saturday," she answered, "and, anyway, your family's invited to come too. Imagine Ness in a gorgeous purple gown, Bella. Wouldn't you think she'd be the most adorable thing ever?" I did–think about my daughter being the uttermost ambrosial little girl in that wedding, that is.

But I had my reservations. I could not simply expose her like that; it was just plain transgression! "I cannot promise I began, but Tanya flung those arms of hers around me in a tight hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squealed, and I grimaced underneath her strong hold. "That is not a yes, Tanya."

"It will be," she sang and pulled away to rush inside Seth's Prius. I rubbed my hand against my exhausted face, the only vision I could see was that of my warm, substantial bed. How I yearned for a good sleep. Perhaps I could have a lie-in; the next day was marking day for the exams we had taken previously in the days before.

Seth chuckled, "You can't say no to Tanya. She really expects you to be there."

"And what if I cannot make it?" I questioned with a slouch of my shoulders. He chortled, mockingly nudging my left arm. "Then be prepared to face the wrath of Tanya Denali. Trust me, that right there is one thing you won't ever want to cross." And then he shuddered, and I was positive he had sufficient experience.

"But I do not even have a dress," I worried aloud, my forehead crumpling as I considered the complication. I did not want to waste some precious dollars on worthless gowns I would not even wear for more than once. The idea was preposterous; I would not be as silly as those mindless harlots.

From the car, Tanya's voice rang out, "Already taken care off. Now give up my boyfriend, Bella. I'm pretty sure you're aching to go home." She peeked out of the opened window to smile her perfect, thousand-watt grin at me. I could only reciprocate it with one miniature version.

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "See, I give her one of the warmest smile I ever give, and she returns it with a constipated look. Whereas with Edward . . ." she trailed off in a provocative tone. Seth crowed with understanding and patted my head, "Night Bella, dream sweet dreams of–ouch! Christ, woman! That's one hell of a grip you have!"

My hand had reached up to smack his, an audible slap sounding in the quiet night. Despite my feeling awful that he was in slight pain, I could not resist the smugness that rolled off my heart. "You _will _stop teasing me about Edward, or I will let Tanya have her way with you on your next argument."

At this, his eyes widened, disbelieving. In his eyes, there was no evil worst than a heated fight with his beloved. "No! Okay, fine! I'll stop teasing you!" I nodded, pleased, and allowed him to get into his Prius, with Tanya laughing at him. "Night Bella!" she called, winking at me.

"Good night," I whispered, and slipped into my own truck. The faded leather seats were warm with the toasty scent of spearmint and tobacco; from the last owner it had, I assumed. I inhaled the mind-numbing smell, already at ease.

I found my daughter asleep, her small face so dreamy and peaceful that I smiled. Her dreams were happy, contrary to mine. But this I could fathom–only she could allow me to accept my haunting nightmares.

She cuddled closer to me while I tucked the duvet around us, her little head on my stomach. I watched the dream-catcher throw rainbows into the room, the crickets in the forest making their sounds of the night. I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes.

_The Monster slipped ever so closely, his eyes hungry with the anticipation, and I opened my mouth to yell. Before I could do so, the Monster froze in his place, and I heard the musical velvet that had been my savior for the past few months. "Why do you allow him to control you like this, Bella?" _

_I whirled, yet he was nowhere. Where was the boy with the green eyes? "Because he hurt me," I whispered in the dark, "I cannot simply forego the pain. It is painful, but I cannot make it fade." _

_His laughter was everywhere, "Then try, you absurd, dazzling girl. Only _you _can have the power to move on. I can help you, Seth and Tanya can help you. All of them can, but it's useless if you yourself can't get over it." I looked back into the Monster's bitter face with a tidal wave of sheer incongruous fear and resentment. _

_Could I do it? Could I forget what he has done to me? Edward's voice returned, this time with a worry that alerted me. "No! Quick, Bella, run! He's awakening soon!" In the midst of his sentences, the Monster's face unlocked, and he continued his wicked charade. "Ah, Isabella, you _really _should stop walking alone in the middle of the night." _

"_Bella!" the velvet was close to my ears, as though the boy with the green eyes had placed his lips near them. "Run, please!" _

_I tried to run, I really did. But _he _was faster, and his arms were a barricade of force as he slammed me into the ground. "Where do you think you're going?" he growled, and I whimpered. This was where the nightmare began, and I realized in this moment I could never disregard what the Monster did to me. Never, for it was etched into my soul so painstakingly. Like a grapevine on its holder, it will never loosen its grip. _

_This was the price I pay for being such a naïve, stupid girl. _

"Mommy, wake up!" My little girl's cheerful voice broke me out of the horrifying dream. I opened my eyes to an overcast day, though it was not to be such a scandalous revelation. Ness peered into my sleepy face, "Hi, Mommy! You're not going to school today?"

I reached for her tiny hand and kissed it, "No, baby. Mommy's free today, and the next day, and the next." This contented my daughter so much that she jumped around the bed, the springs of it bouncing off my back.

Worried that she might fall, I sat up and reached for her infinitesimal waist. "Careful, sweetie," I crooned, "I don't want to lose you yet." She giggled in that soprano voice of hers, and I leaned against the headboard enjoying the natural music. "Aunty Tanya's here though, she brought lots and lots of pretty princess gowns for me and you! She even brought Grandpa a princ u don't know what you call it."

She looked up thoughtfully, her little eyebrows scrunched together in thought. "Aha! Got it! She brought Grandpa a prince costume! But he's going to wear it later. He says he is late for work. Mommy, can we try it on, can we?"

"Of course, sweets," I matched her excited tone, "but allow me to wash up first, yes? You go on down and pick the dress you would want first." Her big, brown eyes crinkled with happiness. "Okay!" And she bounded down, a fuzzy ball filled with unrelenting energy.

This gave me the time to think of what was going on. To think that Tanya would actually take the effort to find dresses and suits for my family, despite my reluctance to attend that affair of hers, was simply outstanding. I could not comprehend why she would go to such lengths just to make me come.

Even Vanessa and Dad were involved into this, an excerpt I did not forecast.

But if I did say yes, it would be insane. I would be jeopardizing my daughter; at a wedding most of the town would attend, surely they would see my daughter and start the array of questions. I could not allow that; she was too important. I babbled of protecting her, but look at what I am doing!

It is simply unforgivable to do something as demented as this was!

"You know, it's not too difficult to know what you're thinking," I jolted, whirling to look at Tanya. Her regularly unusually active face was sober. "You're wrong. It's not exposing Ness. I wouldn't let something like that happen to her. I love her too, Bella. And I can see that she loves the idea of going to a wedding. Think about it, will you? I'll do everything I can to make sure no one will ask questions."

I frowned. "I do not think that that is the problem. I canno it is jus want her to be safe." My hands fell onto my lap, a mixture of wringing limbs. Tanya moved closer, seating on the edge as she patted my legs.

"Me too," she whispered, "but let's give her the opportunity to see something really spectacular. I want this to be like a gift to her; she's in love with the idea of princesses and their princes. So why not let her see this whole 'magical' thing enfold?"

The walls I built shortened a teeny, ineffectual bit. "Oh, all right. You win. But, you _must _promise me no one will find out. I cannot have her to face those demons too early in her age." I bit my lip, forcing the dark shadows of the atrocious visions to be expelled from my mind.

She smiled earnestly. "You can count on me. Now go brush your teeth or whatever. I want you to see the dresses!" I laughed, but followed her instructions, slipping into the only pair of shorts I had brought from Florida. I wore my oversized t-shirt, hoping that it would not be too much of a hassle for later.

Vanessa was so fascinated with the dresses that she resembled those starry-eyed heroines of the cartoons she watched. She could not believe that nearly all of dresses were hers; that she was to try them on and pick the one she preferred best.

I have never seen my daughter as adorable as she was in those dresses, varying in colors. Tanya declared once the third dress was off of her, "I swear, you can make your daughter a thrash-bag dress, and even then she'd make it look cute."

"Mommy?" my baby called from the door, "I don't know how to wear this one." Up until now, my baby had been dressing herself. I let Tanya arrange the remaining dresses for my little petal, and moved to where she stood in front of the bathroom mirror.

She held up a lovely, white satin dress. It was simplicity at its very best; the skirt was not those dramatic, fluffy types. It had swirls and a lovely design that protruded just enough to make it look like it was indeed flowing, with a navy blue ribbon tied at the waist.

I gasped when I saw it; it was the exact gown I envisioned my daughter to be wearing. But I did not speak of this, as my eyes shone with admiration for it. I picked it nimbly from her hands, and helped Ness into the beautiful dress. She turned to me, smiling. "How am I, Mommy?"

"Pretty, so pretty," I kissed her little forehead, and spun her around so that she could view herself in the full-length mirror. I watched her reaction, those brown eyes of hers growing wide with the bewilderment. Her lips pulled into an 'O' as her hands flew to cover her mouth.

Needless to speak, she was beyond herself. "I tha _me?" _The dress highlighted her little bob of curls, allowing them to shine against the simple white. The simple design of the dress amplified the beautiful person my daughter was, and I was brimming with pride, gloating that she was mine.

Tanya knocked on the door, pushing it open when I did not reply. My baby and I watched the expressions on her face, laughing when she promptly announced, "That's it. No more looking. It's the perfect dress for you, Ness."

She blushed in humility, but I could see that she was so pleased by my friend's compliment.

"Now, what do you say we play Barbie with your mommy, Ness?" Tanya asked her as we got her out. I groaned in dread; I did not look forward to wearing these gowns of mine. It would be a process of which many arguments or contemplative silences might rest in. Yet Vanessa only nodded in agreement.

"Uh-huh! I want to make Mommy look like a princess!" her voice was thrilled high with determination, but before she could derive certain conclusions, I interrupted her. "First, let us all just have lunch, okay? I am sure your Aunty Tanya is tired." Then I shot Tanya a meaningful look, and she chuckled.

My friend grinned, touching Ness's locks, "Yeah. I bet you're hungry, Ness. Let's head over to Port Angeles. I need to get the few sets of gowns from the boutique there, too. What do you say?"

She looked up at me, confused. "Can we, Mommy? It's not too much, is it? We can stay here if we–"

"It is nothing." I dismissed, "I would like some junk food as well."

The day passed with Tanya and Ness brutally attacking pile after endless pile of gowns that I grew extremely irritated with. Sue arrived at three with Jacob to help in maintaining whatever sanity they had left from choosing all those dresses. My daughter played with her friend as Sue and Tanya continued massacring every gown with grunts of disapproval. As we were in a wedding boutique, several people stared at her assessments.

Ultimately, I told her and Sue to halt, preventing a dispute between the two over the red gown they held in their hands. "Enough! I do not think this is, well, this is having any efficient work. Perhaps I should just wear a simple"

Glaring, Tanya spat, "Do _not _say 'simple dress.' If you value my well-being, don't you dare say that taboo." I flinched back, and allowed her to go back to finding the 'perfect' gown for me. I had wanted to help her, but she did not allow me to do so.

Should I ever have a wedding, I would never wish to let Tanya go as berserk as she was currently.

"Man, remind me to have a Vegas wedding in the future," Seth murmured from beside me. He had arrived not too long ago. I turned to look at him, weak smile in place, "I will, if you save me from this horror show." He laughed, but shrugged. "Good thing I'm not coming, Tanya would have _killed _me."

I could not help the bubble of laughter. "At least, you are not the one having to wear all of _these," _I gestured to the mounds of dresses, strewn across the floor of the boutique, while the saleslady looked distressfully at them. She looked up to me, miserable, and I shot an apologetic gaze to her direction. She would need my sympathy.

Seth's eyes seemingly popped even wider. "My girlfriend bought all of _those?" _I bit my lip, trying my very best not to revel too much. Earlier, I had voiced this out to my friend, who all but laughed with abdication. She did not seem to mind the expense involved.

And I could only shudder at the amount of it all.

"Where is Garrett?" I asked.

"I honestly don't know. I figured he'd be working today, by since Billy decided to close down the diner every Friday, I think he's maybe in La Push? He's sort of drifting lately. I don't really know what to say about him." Seth confessed, finding two stools so that we could sit. In the back of the boutique, we watched as his nephew played with my daughter.

He mused, "Jake's growing up pretty well, isn't he?"

But the truth, however, was that little Jacob was still unhappy. The boy did not enjoy being gossiped about –even at his age, he was aware of the stories circling around him. Seth had tried going to his sister, to at least ask her to introduce herself to her son, but she denied his request profusely.

I could not decipher her actions. He was her son, born of her womb. For nine months she carried him; did she not feel any love for the little boy? Or was she too haunted by her devils, like I was, to ever see how truly wonderful her child is? I did not ask Seth these questions, fearing it might offend him.

For now, I merely followed little Jacob through his journey of lies through his life. If he grows up, I would be there to witness every step. And though he might not experience the love of a true mother to her child, these bonds _can _be forged through unbounded relationships as well. He deserved it. He truly did.

"Yes, he is," I murmured, smiling with fondness with the little boy. But my world of unshed devotion came crumbing to pieces as Tanya called, "Bella! Come here! I think I found the perfect dress for you!" I heard no protest coming from Sue, so I hovered restlessly near them, watching as she carefully displayed a gown.

My initial reaction: blinding pleasure.

The dress, though strapless, was divine in its navy blue color. It had a beautiful satin ribbon encircling the waist, a fitted corset one would only dream of wearing. An absolutely stunning ruffled skirt that reached my toes, and I thought it most appropriate; I was not a fan of having to trip over my own gown. It was simple, absolutely no beading or lacy designs. It was just an unsophisticated but breath-taking gown.

I cannot wear this. I will not be able to pull it off.

Vanessa had come closer, looking at it with such admiration. "Mommy, you can wear this!" she pointed, so bright were her eyes that I could not look away. They were alive with a fiery fire, and I was afraid that Tanya had gotten her influenced with fashion. Next, she might want to make a jeweled crown and place it on my head, and I would have complied.

There was nothing in the world that I could deny my daughter with.

I dressed alone in the changing room, aware that I did not appreciate people looking at me while I dressed, though I might need the help. Their stares reminded me too much of the ones I've left behind in Jacksonville. It was painful to even think about their focused glares, the hatred they garnered for no reason.

Stepping into the dress, I gasped at the smoothness of it all. It slipped easily over my skin, and I was taken by how it required completely no labor for me to reach at the back and pull at the zip. When I was finished, when the dress was fitted so carefully on my body, I turned to look at the mirror.

A woman with magnificent, shining brown eyes stared right back at me. I gasped once more, my heart slamming against my rib cage as I eyed her infinitely sumptuous hair; those luscious lips that were nude pink despite wearing no lipstick. Her pale complexion was driven into such remarkable glowing because of the navy blue of the gown.

This woman was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, apart from my daughter. I could not possibly be her. The curtains shifted, and in my immobile state, I could not form the words of warning. My daughter peeked through once, and then she began to stare.

"Princess . . ." she trailed, mouth agape with awe. Her eyes were like beaming stars in the night. Tanya poked her way through as well, eager to see how it was like.

And her reaction did not disappoint. "Well, holy crap." She smiled, after recovering from her stunned gasps–she had to do so twice, the first being seeing the dress in actual form, and the second being that the person in the dress was _me. _

My mind was too clouded. I have never been so self-centered in my life, never felt so beautiful that it seemed like it was almost a miracle. Perhaps this moment would have been perfect, if not for my detrimental self biting back at the rest of me. I allowed it to. I did not want to become egotistical.

"Step out, Bella!" I heard Seth call. "I wanna see how my best friend looks like!" Laughing with no stability, I heeded his request and pushed my daughter forward. She ran to Jacob, "Jake, Jake! Look at Mommy! She's _so _pretty like a princess, right?"

Little Jacob was unable to speak.

Under the pretense that he did not like how I looked, I joked, "Well, Jake, I am very much hurt! Do I not look beautiful?" Seth nudged his nephew, laughing when he still could not form words. "She-she is." The poor boy gulped, and I reached forward to touch his round cheek. "Thank you," I whispered, kissing the top of his head sweetly.

"Isabella _Swan?_"

I whirled around, hands flying immediately to cover the exposed skin on my shoulders. It was a reflex reaction, of which I had conjured back when the incident with the Monster was still fresh on my mind. Tanya, Sue and Seth stepped to cover me, as though they were my battalion. It would have been strange, but Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale stared passed them.

The gorgeous blonde spoke first, "Wow, Bella, you look really beautiful." Unconsciously, I shifted my daughter to the back of my legs, leaving her out of sight. I will _not _stand for them to watch her with those curious eyes. My heart drummed with tension, feeling the rest of my body go into defense while protecting my baby.

She whimpered into my thighs, and I held her tighter. She did not correspond to sudden appearances made by people, the trauma of listening to the policemen speak of my mother's demise so clear in her mind still.

_You fool! Look now, and tell me you are protecting her! _The voice screamed, making me flinch in retribution. The words were precise to the point of truth; this was no longer protecting my daughter. But who would have foretold that the two eminently conventional people in FHS would have arrived in this boutique?

Alice Cullen smiled warmly. "Yeah, Bella, you sure do look pretty. What's the occasion?"

I was unsure what to say. Should I speak with integrity? I mumbled, "A wedding of Tanya's parents. They are renewing their vows."

Her eyes grew wide in realization, "Oh my God! The wedding Esme's been going on about! That's great; Rose and I are here to fish for dresses and suits, actually. My brothers are too lazy to find their own. And Jasper already has his." She rolled her eyes for good measure, then her eyes zeroed onto my daughter, and all of my inhibitions were broken.

There was nothing more in life that I wanted but to hide my daughter underneath my hair, to keep her safe under my circling arms. I wanted to rewind time and hide my baby away. Alice Cullen surprised me, her mouth in a smile as she cooed, "Aw. Who's the shy little girl behind you?"

Vanessa curled herself away from me, and I immediately reached to hold her back. She watched Alice with measuring eyes; those intelligent eyes that could see through any soul. "I'm her sister," she announced finally, and my hands fell limply to my side.

_Now you have your daughter lying for you! Such an irresponsible mother! _

I hung my head in shame and in guilt, torturing myself with thoughts of losing my daughter, of exposing her though I meant not to. This was my transgression, my own imperfection. And I did not pride myself in this.

"Is that so? Well, sweetheart, it's nice to meet you. I'm Alice Cullen." She raised her hand, offering a handshake. My daughter shook it with dignity, looking every bit the little tiger-kitten that she tried to be. Despite the stress, I chuckled at her. She glanced at me with a smile forming, running back into my arms.

"Hi, Alice," my baby smiled. Rosalie Hale introduced herself too, and after that, they disappeared into the store. I could not have been more than relieved, but all the more on-guard. Now they knew about Vanessa, now they knew of her existence. I would ensure they would stay quiet, I _have _to.

Tanya rubbed my stiff shoulders. "It's okay," she whispered, "we're gonna make sure they shut up about Ness. I promised you, remember?"

Her reassurance was not mollifying; I did not buy it. She was my friend, yes, but I have learned long ago not to hold people onto their vows. I would get crushed if I depended on nothing but their empty promises. I trusted Tanya, indeed, but I needed to take matters into my own hands.

The first step would be to ensure that they would not speak a word of my daughter to anyone.

* * *

><p><em><span>Edward<span>_

"You still set on going to the wedding?" Alice burst through my door, interrupting a very concentrated Emmett from his endless video games. I grew irresolute after the third game, mostly because he kept winning, and Jasper wanted to have a go.

My brother was tight-lipped. "I don't know. Did Rosie get a dress?"

"Duh, Emmett," Alice looked at him, at his frowning face. He had the most absurd, illogically intense expression, which made me crack up. "Oh." He shrugged, sighed and put the game to pause. Jasper threw his consoler onto the carpeted floor of my bedroom, "Damn it, dude. I could've totally beaten you!"

His laughter could have shaken the whole North America if he went full blast, "Beat it, loser."

I groaned, turning back to my guitar and playing a couple of chords, randomly plucking at the strings. I was so narcissistic about it; it was a limited edition 1956 Gibson CF-100 E guitar. It would probably be more effective to say that it was the love of my life. I kept it in mint condition.

My friends, though not all, were sometimes too overbearing. In spite of how little I talked to Bella, which I do, I could tell how down-to-earth, humble and completely selfless she was. Sometimes, though, she spoke with gravity; something I found really intriguing. And those haunted eyes . . .

_She told you to get lost once, and then said you could be friends. Now that you want more, you cannot even try to have a close bond with her. _

I continued toying with the chords, conjuring music as I thought of her. Yeah, I do like her. A lot. But she wouldn't jus Bella was not the type of girl to let people in so easily. With Tanya and Seth and Garrett, she was really at ease. I know, because I have seen it.

With me, I do not even know if she likes me enough to be her proper friend. Alice's voice was so much closer when she asked, "How about you, Eddie-boy?" I stopped playing my guitar and looked at my sister, "Probably not."

Then I resumed playing. "It's such a shame, you know." She murmured suggestively, with a collective sigh. I ignored her, focused on getting the chords right for the next song I wanted to create for Bella. There were many, trust me, and it was only with little guts did I place them into the CD I made for her.

She still hasn't told me whether she likes it or not. The suspense can almost kill me, if not for the fact that I overheard her speaking about it to Tanya Denali. I assumed she likes classical music, since she was not a fan of indie or rock. Neither did she look like she particularly enjoyed pop. Classical was the only option I had left.

Armed with all of my musical knowledge, I managed to compose a CD worthy enough for someone like her. Alice was still talking with no cease, and I allowed my fingers to keep playing. "You should know that your little Bella's going to that wedding."

My hands froze. "What?"

She smirked, "Glad to know I've finally caught your attention." Emmett and Jasper howled with laughter, and I glared at them until they were quiet. "She's going, Edward. I saw her with Seth and Tanya at the bridal boutique in Port Angeles. You'd be seriously surprise. I saw how she looked like, an well, even Rosalie was shocked."

"No way," Emmett looked at her. "Yup, yes way," she snatched a _Snickers _bar from of my table. "So you're still not going, aren't you?" she eyed me thoughtfully, a small smile playing while she ate.

_Come on, Edward. You do want this, you know. You've tried getting her attention, but she never gives you the time of day. Maybe the time is now. _"Fine, I'm going," I relented.

While Alice and the rest of them cheered and teased, I consumed myself in thoughts of her. Her eyes had lost some of its sadness, but it never really faded. I could see that she still hurt, for whatever reason I could not even understand. I wanted to help her, I did, but she wouldn't let me in. She had her guards up against me, and maybe she had a right to.

After all, I _am _the spawn of the devil and his wife.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'm going to be evil here and let you guys have your own assumptions about Edward. Just try to keep in mind that he's adopted. Also, about Bella's ignorance to Edward: imagine if you were raped, and then hurt so badly by the ones you called 'friends,' would you have let anyone in easily? Especially if you have strong feelings for that person? Try to remember that Bella is an independent person in my story; she hates being wrong. But, not to worry, this is still about Bella and Edward falling in love. I'm sure many of you are worried about the whole Rosalie and Alice meeting Vanessa thing I've got plans in store for that. As for Charlie that poor guy he'll find out about Bella soon. Real soon. _

_Second thing I'd like to cover is my inconsistency. I know you guys get real disappointed checking for any alerts and coming up with none. I know I do. And I really mean it by trying to keep a weekly update, even if it means I'll have to butcher my computer. There are so many people I'd love to acknowledge, but I'm trying to keep this as short as possible. So to all those who read TBOA, I truly appreciate all of your reviews. They bring me so much inspiration. I think this is the one story where I get to reach out to those who were raped or sexually abused in some way possible, because of the way I know they must feel. Writing TBOA was really difficult for me, especially to portray Bella in a completely different perspective from my other stories. All of your reviews no matter how short never, _never, _fail to inspire me. Damn, I love you guys! _

_With that said, I'm looking forward to your thoughts throughout this chapter! _

_-Serene. _


	11. Leap Ahead

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter 11: Leap Ahead**

_Disclaimer: Yeah, all about that fuss. _

_Bella_

The next morning arrived with so much preparation. I hadn't been to any social event for quite some time, and I was a wreck with my emotions. Ness played Edward's CD for me multiple times throughout the earlier parts of the morning – I hadn't been able to get much sleep, in spite of my daughter splayed across my body, snoring lightly.

Whilst this was endearing and indefinitely adorable, I could not bring myself to stop the worry from running its course. I told Dad, of course, of the predicament I faced – that Ness's safety had been compromised, that I'd been a failure as a mother.

He was defiant, merely stating that I was just letting my nerves get the best of me. I did not for once believe his words; I _knew _something awful was going to happen. And it did, without my anticipation for it. If anyone found out about Vanessa's true relation with me, and they started to judge her, I would rather hurt myself than watch her go through that horrible phase.

But alas, the anxiety ran its course, and Tanya was dead-set on getting us all into more formal attire aside from our pajamas. She had arrived at the crack of dawn, ready to wreck havoc, while I helped my baby into her beautiful gown. When she asked, I refused Tanya's suggestion of placing make-up on my already angelic daughter's face. She was too young, and besides, she would gain that opportunity when she got much, much older. For now, I only wanted to watch her blossom naturally into the gorgeous calla-lily that she was.

It was a different story for me, however. I did not need Tanya's assistance in wearing my dress. Tanya, on the other hand, grinned sheepishly at me and held out her arms towards my torso. "Help me?" she gestured towards her dress, and I smiled. "You are too helpless, Tanya." She pouted but laughed, and I could not help but follow suit.

Afterwards, Sue and Ness sat behind us in chairs while Tanya attempted to buff every surface of my pale skin. It was pointless, anyway – I would still look the same without the thin layer of make-up covering my skin. I didn't want that, no, but it was a requirement for every lady, according to Tanya, to have just a little lip gloss and mascara.

She went overboard though, I think. But as I stared now at my reflection, my mouth hanging open at the . . . _goddess _in front of me, I could not help but feel grateful. She had done a wonderful, stupendous job. My hair hung in curls around my face loosely, the brown shining in the light of early summer here in Forks. Whatever little sun we had today, it still managed to bring out the chocolate in my hair, bringing it to a magnificent shine.

My face was another story to be told. My eyes were wide, disbelieving, while my lips were plump. I blushed, realizing that I had been thinking of myself with vanity, but the added color to my cheeks only allowed my figure to glow.

I had not had a good memory with make-up, knowing it could make me look like a tramp, like how Jane had once abused me with, but I also did not comprehend its ability to accentuate your features. "Mommy, you look so pretty! I wish I looked like you!" Vanessa cheered from behind, wrapping her small arms around my leg. I leaned down to look at her straight in the eye, still reeling, "Oh, no, baby. Mommy wishes _she _looked like _you_ – so beautiful like a prim and proper princess."

Ness giggled but blushed wildly. I kissed her cheek fondly, feeling the lightness in my heart. The bathroom door knocked and Dad's voice asked, "You girls decent? We kind of needed to get going; we're cutting it close. And Tanya, your mom just called. She's asking for you to be there _at least _fifteen minutes from now."

Tanya sighed at me, rolling her eyes. "Okay, Chief Swan! I'll be right there!" Turning to me, she patted my hand impatiently, "And you, Ms. Swan, don't you dare ruin my masterpiece – or piec_es_ – " she looked down at Ness with an enormous smile, "because if you do, I'm just going to redo your face all over again."

"Yes, ma'am," I blurted before I could stop myself. When I realized my words, I blushed profusely and began apologizing to no avail. Sue and Tanya were guffawing, their laughter so loud and contagious that I myself started chuckling.

Twenty minutes later, I was holding my baby close to my chest and staring into a jaw-dropping mansion. Tanya lived in La Push, where most of the homes were suburban houses. I could not believe it when Dad pulled up onto the end of a long line of cars and trucks, all winding up to the tall, castle-like structure before my eyes.

It was like staring into the pages of an old, medieval book. Like my very dreams of a Victorian house came alive before my eyes. Ness did not seem to appreciate the difference; she had caught sight of little Jacob, immediately running off to play with him. I made sure Dad and Sue was with them before I waved to Billy and his daughters, then to my own family.

I walked up the stairs of the porch, shaking my head at how high it was. The doors were expansive as well, and as I peeked in, I caught glimpse of a modern interior. I breathed a sigh of relief; should I ever see anything remotely close to the time of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett, I knew it would be moments before I reverted into a squealing little girl.

The house did not look as big as it did on the outside. It was specifically designed this way, so that the house was an alternate experience to what you would normally expect. I did not mind where I was walking, merely touching odd woods and the vases of rose petals that lined the way to the wedding ceremony at the mansion's backyard. Tanya was nowhere to be found, so I assumed she was helping her mother with the final preparations.

Suddenly, the hair on the back of my neck stood. I had goose-bumps and every inch of my skin felt like it was burning deliciously. My head snapped up, immediately knowing the cause of the feeling, and when I did eventually find him, he stood with his head cocked sideways and a gorgeous crooked smile gracing his lips.

Edward raised his hand in greeting. I raised my own and gave him a timid smile. It took a moment for me to look past those green eyes of his, the intensity of it seeming to make my belly shiver. He wore a black suit with a white tie, his dress shirt underneath the color of black as well. The contrast of the suit matched his skin perfectly. It was nearly impossible to tear my eyes away from this creature.

How ridiculous I must have seemed, fidgeting from one foot to another, as he scrutinized my outfit. I blushed, feeling his eyes run over my frame, and repressed the terrible memories. I did not know why I wanted to surpass these emotions to allow new ones but his gaze was not filled with lust. Admittedly, there was desire and I could feel my own too, yet there was a hidden emotion in him that his green eyes spoke volumes of.

I hesitantly walked up to him, measuring and estimating the number of steps it would take to run away from him should I say an unbearable comment. Suddenly, the heel of my sandal caught onto an invisible strand of the mat, and I was pummeling towards the ground.

"No," I groaned, closing my eyes for the impact. But it did not come, and strong, masculine arms encircled my waist. When I looked up, Edward's green eyes were so close to my face. My heart started to pound frantically, appearing to have run a marathon, but my focus was solely on those intense, hypnotizing eyes of his.

"I got you," he murmured, "I've always got you."

His words brought a shiver along my back as he tried to right me. A large part of me wanted to stay right where we were, with his broad arms across my entire body, encircling me with such _warmth_, but the smaller, more rational part was screaming for me to run away.

_Only months ago, you feared actual human contact from anyone you didn't know. And now, you are acting like such a love-struck teenager. _

It was right. I needed to get away. I squirmed, but Edward did not let go. "Let me go," I whispered desperately. Edward's green eyes hardened then closed in resignation. He dropped his arms and I made sure there was at least a three feet distance between the two of us. He took a deep breath before he ran his fingers through his bronze hair, gelled so sophisticatedly it took my breath away.

"Listen Bella," he began, his voice pleading. I did not know why he was begging, though. "I know I'm probably making you uncomfortable with my advances, and now you're probably thinking I'm nothing but a jerk. So if you want me to go . . . then I'll go." He opened his eyes with a new flare, and I saw the burn there.

He felt it too. And it was different for him, because he welcomed and believed in it. But he was a normal person, he did not need whatever past I had. Edward was a good person – kind, chivalrous. I was not the right girl for him. He was everything right for me, and God did I want it so bad. I wanted it all – true love, marriage, children . . . _Edward_.

But the Monster took that away from me on the night he ravaged my body.

"I . . ." I breathed, ready to say the words, but as I opened my mouth, nothing came out. "Tell me, Bella. Tell me you don't feel _this_," he grabbed my right hand and placed it over his chest, "and then tell me you don't want it. Tell me a lie."

His words came through his teeth, his eyes furious. I cringed against the air behind me, trying to pull my hand from his electrifying hold. I had never felt so _alive _before. His green eyes were burning so brightly, the space between us tingling to life. "I . . . I . . . I want it," I whispered brokenly, fresh tears choking my voice. This was wrong.

Always, I had dreamed of being the strong one, the one who did not cry. Yet, unbeknownst to me, my heart betrayed my mind and allowed vulnerability to pass through. I was independent on myself, seeing no end to the relentless evil doings of the world.

But Edward, Edward was _pure. _He was innocent.

I would only ruin him, taint his perfect face with sadness and pity perhaps even tumultuous fury, when I told him my tale. I could not risk that. He was precious to me; someone that I knew was worth fighting for besides my family.

"Then why are you running?" he growled, clearly frustrated.

I shouted, "Because I want it! I want to stand by your side and feel worthy of your affections, because you're more than a shell of a boy. You're amazing, and I am nothing, _nothing_, compared to you. I am a worthless, meaningless girl who was naïve once, and hurt herself because of it! I am not going to taint you – "

"Bella, stop, stop, stop," Edward cooed and pulled me to his chest. The tears had released, and everything in me sagged against him. I could not bring myself to think of the consequences of my actions later in the future, because I had given up this fight the minute he had followed me on the beach to make sure I was okay months ago.

His arms were deliciously tight around my body, pulling me closer against his strong hold, never letting a single space between us. He was glorious even in his scent – like fabric conditioner and a hint of cologne.

Edward was amazing.

_Bella, what do you think you are trying to achieve by doing this? You're risking your daughter, Bella. Every minute you continue like this, you risk losing your daughter. You _know _it. Do you want that? _

I did not even listen to it anymore, the guilt within me opening a new dam, rubbing salt into previous wounds. My heart, once pounding, now constricted further into the inner shell of my ribs. The pain was unbearable as I thought of everything that had happened to me.

This was so, so wrong.

Bells rang, and a congregation was forming at the backyard of Tanya's house. Edward used his finger to tilt my chin up, gently releasing me so that he could wipe off the tears. He leaned down, his face determined and strong and so _glorious, _as he brought his lips closer to mine.

"Please don't," I whispered before his lips could graze mine. He recoiled immediately and let me go. Instantly, his warmth was gone, and my body was searching urgently for it. "Bella, I don't think . . . you're ready for whatever you're feeling . . . between us. I guess, maybe I'm crazy or something, but I think you don't want me around." He shook his head sadly.

"No!" I shouted. "I _do_, believe me, I do. I have. . . I have some things that I cannot explain to you, for I'm afraid."

"Afraid." He stated. "Why?"

I closed my eyes, hearing the priest begin the wedding ceremony, and knew then that it was only the two of us. I looked up to see his deep green eyes in such sadness, pain . . . and there it was again. That emotion I had once talked about.

It was in that moment that I realized I had been such a coward, such a fool. I spoke of myself as being independent, of being strong for my daughter. But here I was, trying to run away from the one person who had graced my every dream for the past three months, unknowingly saving me from the nightmares with just his presence. His very being comforted me, much like Vanessa did.

My heart expanded, and I knew then that it was not my fault that these circumstances happened in such a time. Most people would foresee this as a passing crush, but not for me. I had been in denial for too long to know this wasn't merely a fleeting crush. It was so much more than that.

I was mindless, I was only seventeen, but I _knew _that whatever I felt with Edward Cullen was a far cry from a mere crush.

It was _love_. Unadulterated, pure love.

This revelation shocked me from my roots. I grew despondent in my actions, everything around me turning into a blurry mess. There was nothing that could break me from this trance. My father and daughter would have been looking for me, and I felt my heart flutter at the thought of causing them worry, but all the same, my feet stayed in front of Edward. I saw and felt a thousand wishes fly through my mind – numb, blistering wishes and memories of my childhood.

And as I blinked and returned to reality, I saw Edward Cullen's eyes glaze. He saw it, too. I was not alone.

For the first time in years, my smile returned with such a force.

"You okay?" he asked, smiling back. I nodded and reached my hand tentatively to touch his face. I knew I'd have to tell him my secrets sooner rather than later, in hopes that he would understand. This was the elephant in the room, the only thing holding me back from truly letting myself live again.

Seth's words rushed back from before. "_Denial isn't always a good thing, Bella." _

Mom's words of advice floated soon after. "_Oh, Bella-baby, sometimes you've got to take a step back to leap further." _

Dad's voice was gruff as he said roughly, "_Bells, you need to start living."_

It was only right. Perhaps they had more foresight than I would ever have, in order for them to have predicted this outcome before I did. The image of my daughterstrayed into my mind, her smiling face as she talked about it being okay to not have a father figure in her life, and how I was the only thing she would ever need.

She had been lying then, that much I could presume. She had always been lying. Behind her smiles, her giggles, her hugs and her kisses, she was miserable. She was just a little girl who had lost everyone she thought was constant in her life, and I was her mother who tried nothing but to make up for her lost. She tried to be strong for me as well, to reverse the role between us, but I would not allow it.

Like Edward, my Vanessa was precious to me as well, so very precious.

It seemed impossible to love two people at the same time but it was only right. I looked at Edward and stroked his face carefully, like he was fragile. "You were right, I _do _want it, but we cannot pursue it."

"And then we're back to square one." He sighed in misery, his broad shoulders slumping.

"No, listen, _please_," I begged. "We can try, but I will need to ask you; if you found something hideous about me, something that you do not like at all, or have suspicions about . . . if you are even the merest bit disgusted by me, you will have to tell me, because only then will I tell you why I am the way I am." He shook his head angrily.

"You seem to be mistaken, Bella, I will _never _do that to you. Okay? You say I'm amazing; look in the mirror. You hide because you're scared and scarred, and I don't give a _damn _about whatever baggage you come with; I know about your mom," he dropped his voice to a whisper, "and I know how much you miss her."

I tried to interrupt him, to tell him that this was not the entire truth, but his hand clamped down on my mouth. "You should know that I've got a past, too, Bella. I'm not a real Cullen; I'm adopted. And I bet that when you hear my own story, you'll want to run away from me. As far as possible, and I'd let you, because I don't want to hurt you. Bella . . . you're important to me."

My mouth agape, my mind was filled with a steady, heavy-flowing stream of questions that erupted as he dropped that shocking fact on me.

Edward was broken, like me.

He stroked my face and pulled my body to his, his warmth encompassing mine in such a way that could only be within his own ability. My head was mute and void of any voices, images of a bright future lying uncertain behind my eyelids. I saw him laying his head on my lap as I read to him _Wuthering Heights _and he was laughing at the idiotic actions of Catherine.

I saw myself holding Vanessa as she cried for her first heartbreak, with Edward standing behind us and wrapping his arms around our two bodies. This future was so indefinite, so preposterous yet filled with much desire. I wanted this with him; I could not understand why, but I did, and there was nothing now that could make me go back on this decision.

We did not say it out loud, but we knew that we were in love.

And as Reverend Weber pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Denali husband and wife once again, Edward leaned down, testing the waters. I lifted my head, feeling the sudden change in environment between the two of us. First kiss would seal our fate. It was now or never.

When Edward touched his lips to mine, I thought I had experienced heaven when Vanessa was placed in my arms the night she was born. I thought I knew pleasure when she had first uttered my name, when she took her first steps . . . and in every time she sang, talked, smiled and laughed. I thought I knew heaven with her, but I was wrong.

When Edward kissed me, I instantly forgot how damaged I was. All I could feel was sensation. His lips were chapped and rough, but they melted into mine with such familiarity. He gave sweet, chaste kisses that held promises, some of which I was returning.

It was this moment right here that I knew what we were trying was right.

* * *

><p>The reception of Mr. and Mrs. Denali was so beautiful. Or perhaps I only felt that way because of recent events. Across the room, I felt rather than saw Edward staring at me, his attention solely on my being. His family and friends surrounded him, asking where he had gone throughout the entire duration of the ceremony, and he had whispered a lie of leaving behind his wallet.<p>

I could not lie to my father, but I was glad when he did not question me at all. I sat at our designated table inthe front-yard of the Denali household that served as the reception area, and merely waited for Tanya as she took pictures with her family. My baby girl sat beside Jacob on the other end of the area, looking pleased as she socialized with the other children present as well.

Jacob, however, glared at whoever questioned her being there. I was so proud that he would take care of Vanessa that way. "Hey, Bell – holy shit, Edward Cullen's staring at you again!" Tanya whispered with her eyes wide as she strode towards me. I chuckled at her reaction, not willing for the lightness in my mood to fade away.

She eyed me and Edward, looking back at forth at the two of us. Edward smirked before winking at me. I giggled under my breath like a demented teenager. "Oh hell no, you're _so _telling me what the hell happened between the two of you." She clutched my hand excitedly, her light brown eyes dancing with amusement.

I looked around and shook my head furiously, hoping no one had heard her. Everyone seemed busy dancing, eating and doing whatever merriment they could do in this joyous occasion. "Tanya!" I hissed, "Keep your volume down! I will tell you, but you have to promise me you will _not _speak a word of this to anyone. Well, except for Seth and Garrett. But you understand, don't you?"

Tanya looked more eager than I was. "Okay, okay!"

As meddlesome as it may seem, I did not realize how ardent I was to relay the afternoon's events towards my friend. She chuckled, giggled and sniffled at particular scenes, but nonetheless, I found myself to be enjoying her company.

"Never in my entire high school career did I expect Edward Cullen to be such a sappy, hopeless romantic. He's like a modern-day Mr. Darcy, Bella! Not to mention he's Mr. Unattainable too – oh God, Mallory would be _so _pissed! I think I just fell more in love with you, Bella!" Tanya squeezed my hand. "And what's more; Edward doesn't chase girls, girls chase –"

"Him," I nodded. "I think I'm perfectly inclined towards that information, Tanya."

She looked into my eyes, searching for something. When she gave up, she smiled brightly and held her arms out, giving me the choice to hug her; she knew I was not fond of bodily contacts. Perhaps it was me simply trying different things – the recent happenings still fresh in my mind – or maybe I was tired of placing brick after brick of defense in my guarded walls that I leaned in to reciprocate her endearment.

Tanya's arms held me as she whispered, "I'm happy for you, Bella. Really, I am. I haven't seen you smile like this in . . . ever." She pulled away with the tiniest form of tears formulating in those eyes of hers. "And I hope it'll all work out right in the end." She looked towards Vanessa, who was laughing away at a joke Jacob had told her.

"I hope so too."

We sat by each other in silence afterwards, preferring to watch over the wedding than to be a part of it. She told me of how happy she was that her parents made it through all the riffs that occurred within them and that someday, perhaps not too soon, that she and Seth would walk down the same road her parents had given an example of.

Dad and Sue joined us not long after. I watched as Dad blushed heavily – a trait that our family obviously shared – when Vanessa came along and asked him if he was ever going to see Sue dressed in a pretty white gown. She settled herself on my lap while Tanya played with her little fingers.

"Eh, maybe not now, Ness," Dad grumbled quietly. We laughed at Sue's flabbergasted expression as my daughter cornered her instead. "What about you, Ms. Clearwater? Do you wanna see my grandpa in a prince costume?"

I laughed aloud and kissed her little temple. "Baby, I think that's enough questions for now. Do you want to have a piece of the chocolate cake now?"

She nodded eagerly, her angelic face morphing into one of excitement and joy. "Yes, yes, yes, please? I _love _chocolate cake!" She kissed my cheek and twined her arms around my neck as I carried her towards the buffet table. I allowed her to cut her own piece, guiding her with my hand as she hurriedly massacred the cake.

"Hi, Bella," a voice thrilled from behind me. I twirled to see Rosalie Hale smiling down at both me and my daughter. Instinctively, I pulled my baby closer to my legs, shielding her away as my protective streak kicked into a higher motion. "Hello," I nodded, reclaiming a formal intonation.

She did not even realize the hidden warning in my voice. "I see this little one's eager for some chocolate heaven." Rosalie laughed quietly while Vanessa stared in awed silence at the stranger before her eyes. In the store, she had not gotten a proper glimpse at the blond girl's face, and I knew she would instantly think of her as an actual Barbie when she eventually did.

"Do you like cake, Miss?" she smiled cheerfully at Rosalie Hale. The girl in front of me looked on dumbly, her expression one of which I knew – my daughter was being unintentionally adorable and dazzling. I smiled, my tensed shoulders rolling back into a more comfortable stance when I realized this blond girl was not a threat.

"Yes, that's why I came here, sweetie." She turned to look at me, her unique violet eyes inquisitive. Then she reached tentatively to touch the cheek of my baby's face, and when I did not immediately act to defend her, she boldly pinched her cheek sweetly.

Ness giggled and held her plate of cake shyly towards the goddess that stood at our front. "You can have mine, Miss."

"Oh, no, no," Rosalie refused vehemently, "it's yours. You keep it."

A loud, boisterous voice interrupted our quiet exchange then, and I felt my daughter shriek with surprise. Before she could drop the plate, I swooped in to pick it off from her hands, and held her against my side as I turned to whoever made that ungodly noise.

Emmett Cullen swaggered to us, his obnoxiously large body frightening me as it brought back memories of how strong the Monster had been, holding me against my will.

"_Stop moving little bitch! Or I'll cut you, I swear I will cut you!" he snarled. I recoiled against his alcoholic breath, finally stilling as the tears flowed freely. "That's more like it," he growled, proceeding to rip the rest of my clothes off my unyielding body. _

"Emmett, shut up!" Rosalie cried, effectively tearing me away from this memory. I was grateful, but returned to being afraid and utterly protective of the little girl that I now held in my arms. "You scared her!"

The humongous boy merely squinted at my baby before laughing, reaching over to ruffle her tiny bob of head. When Ness peeked out from my curtain of hair, she giggled as well when his hand touched her little forehead. I looked up at Emmett Cullen to ensure he would not crush my poor girl's skull.

And when I saw his smitten face, jaw agape with wonder, I knew there was nothing my baby could not do when she grew older. She was just _that _influential.

"Well holy hell on crazy cheese-balls, I wonder who's this cute little squirt, eh?" he asked, earning another giggle from Vanessa.

"I'm Vanessa Swan!" she laughed, tugging on my locks as she reached for his large hand, which had been steadily pulling back. She held in between her two palms, studying the length of it against hers. "Are you Shrek?" she suddenly asked, and I choked on the air that I had been breathing in.

The laughter escaped from me and I had to nuzzle my face against her neck. Emmett Cullen only laughed loudly, and in spite of the slight jolt I felt from Ness's body, she followed suit, laughing once more. I had not seen her interact this way with adults, holding them putty in her capable hands.

Of course, I should have expected it when my daughter had the face of a Botticelli cherub.

"Nah, I'm not Shrek, squirt. Can you see these babies?" Emmett raised his arms, twisting them around so that you could see the muscles underneath his long-sleeved dress shirt. "But those aren't babies . . ." Ness frowned, "they're not crying and they're not cute."

Rosalie laughed aloud at the comment, and I fought to control the sudden burst of lightness that flitted around my stomach. "Huh, uh, well, let's rephrase . . . can you see these _muscles_?"

My baby leaned back against my arms and nodded seriously. "Uh-huh. If you're not Shrek, who are you?" Emmett smiled fondly as he touched my baby's cheek. "My name's Emmett, squirt. And it's my greatest to pleasure to meet a kid as cute as you."

"Alright, babe, I think that's enough scaring the kid. Alice is looking for us. I'll see you later Bella," she smiled warmly at me before turning to Vanessa to pinch her cheek once more, "and you too, Vanessa."

They took their leave as I did mine. "Mommy, are they your friends too, like Uncle Seth and Auntie Tanya?" she patted my cheek as we sat on the table. Dad and Sue were speaking quietly amongst themselves whilst Tanya excused herself. I watched as she made her way towards Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale. My eyes narrowed warily, and I remembered her promise of ensuring that they would keep Vanessa's existence a secret between the three of us.

My throat tightened when I thought of her doing such a thing for me. I had not been expecting it. Tanya's eyes met with mine, and she smiled assuredly at me before turning back to Rosalie Hale, who only nodded mutely and reached for her lover, repeating whatever Tanya had said to them.

Vanessa patted my hand. "Mommy, are you listening?"

"Sorry baby. Mommy was just distracted . . ." I trailed off, but resumed once more, "and no, they are not. They are only Mommy's schoolmates, baby."

"But they're so fun to be around! Can we see them again? Oh, and that other miss we saw in the store? I think her name was . . . Alice? Can we, Mommy?" she asked sweetly, eating her cake without much trouble. I wiped the corner of her lip with my napkin before kissing the top of her head. "We will have to see, honey."

"Aw, okay. When is Uncle Seth going to be back? I miss him." She pouted adorably, put off that her favorite uncle was not currently joking with her and Jacob. "Tomorrow, sweets," I answered her question. She raised her fork over to me and blinked innocently, feeding me a piece of her cake.

Dad decided to take over Ness, opting to walk her and Jake around La Push. She had only ever been in the beach, and my father was eager to show her a stream nearby the mansion. I was left to my own devices; Sue had gone off to take care of Jacob and the other little children. I was about to follow her lead when someone's calloused, large hand grasped my own.

"May I have this dance?" Edward asked, and I swiftly jerked back to see his head inclined towards the band on the raised platform. They were playing a slow dance song as the lead singer sang softly from the stage, many couples already on the man-made dance floor.

I blushed but nodded. "Okay." From the corner of my eye, I could see Tanya smiling away as she met with my gaze. Surreptitiously, she gave me a thumbs-up. I did not know what to make of it; what did she mean? I was distracted, however, by the tugging of Edward's hand on mine.

He led me to quiet corner, surprising me by how much he knew that I would have preferred this over various choices. He encircled me in his arms, his cheek resting atop of my head as we stepped from side to side fluidly. I chuckled at how simple it all was, pressing my face closer to his masculine body just as I had sometimes dreamed of. I inhaled his scent in an effort to commit it to memory.

"Do I get to hear the joke?" he lifted his head. Edward's green eyes burned into mine, and everything in the room melted until it was just him and me again. "I was thinking how easy we make it seem, even though it really is not." I murmured with my palms pressing flat against his broad chest.

"Yeah . . ." he looked down, halting his movements.

I frowned. "What is wrong?"

"Do you think it's too fast, Bella?" Edward stopped his movements, tilting my head so that he could stare into my eyes. I bit my lip subconsciously, but as I did so, he lifted his thumb and lightly pulled it away, smoothing his rough finger on my tender bottom lip. I honestly pondered his question – I really did – but it was difficult to form a coherent question when he gazed at me like that.

My mouth had other intentions, though. "Perhaps," I murmured, still locked in his powerful eyes, "but I . . . I am tired of fighting. Maybe I'm just dumb, or maybe I am simply too much of a coward, but I've given up trying to act like it . . . _us _doesn't matter. I suppose I am just letting the chips fall as they may." The truth spilled from my lips, like honey from a wooden spoon, and Edward's answering, blinding crooked grin was worth the pounding of my heart.

"What about your demons?" he questioned later.

I frowned, "What?"

Edward looked troubled, warring with himself as he formed his question. I understood what he had meant but I'd wanted to hear him ask. I did not even know the answer myself, fearing that perhaps I may hurt him. And that was simply unacceptable. Edward to me was like a breath of fresh air. The Monster may have ripped me apart and scattered the pieces to the wind, but he . . . he was bringing me back, slowly by every single shattered shard.

I was not aware of how he was able to do this in such a short period of time, but I was most grateful for it. Gone was the calculative girl I was once, gone was the cold-hearted young woman. In her place, I discovered someone I wanted to be, to grow and develop into.

He was restoring whatever little respect of myself I held. Because of this, I was afraid that he would hurt me, that when he realized the true beast that I am, he would run away. He would cut me off from his life, knowing my past, how I've lost my virtue . . . how I had a daughter I loved so dearly that I could not even bear to tell her who her father was. How my own dad – kind, sweet, _understanding _dad – was clueless of how Vanessa had come to be.

All this, and yet Edward stared at me like I was _his _savior.

I truly did not deserve him.

"Hey, c'mon, stop frowning." Edward smiled gently, allowing his thumb to run over the crease between my brows. "I don't want you to frown. Not with me, at least. You deserve to smile – you look so beautiful when you do, like an angel." He looked down bashfully, his cheeks staining a little of red. I laughed and shook my head at how he could see me that way.

"I should tell my father how I have a stalker watching my every facial expression." I teased, surprising myself further when I allowed such lightheartedness to pass through us. Was it only months ago that Seth had dubbed me as an Ice Queen?

Edward chuckled but held me tighter to his chest, "Yeah, you probably should. But I'm guessing even a warrant against me won't stop me from seeing you, though."

Leaning my head on his chest once more, I laughed, my body shaking with the tremors of it. "Such a romantic, aren't you?" Edward kissed the top of my head, and I was immediately aware of his hands splayed across my hips, every so often trailing along my back, bringing shivers of electrifying warmth. "I try my best to be, Ms. Swan."

For how long we danced together, I was not sure. We did not resolve any questions about us, merely spending the time to move about as though we were one. Somehow, I could not bring myself to ruin the atmosphere surrounding us, though I was curious as to why he had said that he had a past as well. Or maybe I just simply allowed myself to bask in the moment of absolute happiness.

Months ago, I would have scoffed and stated that you were insane, should you ever suggest any moment like this to me. Months ago, I was crying myself to sleep because of the aching fear that devoured my heart, knowing that when I closed my lids, I would have the same nightmare played. Months ago, I was closed off towards the whole world, living for the sake of my baby, my Vanessa. Months ago . . . I was Isabella Swan of Florida, a naïve girl who was raped because of her own stupidity.

And now, I was just Bella. Still protective and ready to die for her daughter, but now, I had a purpose for living – my father, my friends . . . my Edward.

It is scary to think of making such a leap at such an unexpected timing, but it had never felt so _right_.

Tanya's voice broke through my reverie. "Hey, Bella, your dad's back and he's looking for you." I opened my eyes, feeling Edward's arms tightening around my waist, and smiled at her. She grinned widely back, her expression tender and . . . relieved?

"Okay," I affirmed simply. I looked up to see how Edward would act; thinking that we would part here, but he proved me wrong once again. "I'll walk you to your table?" he asked me, leaving the decision in my hands. Nodding eagerly, I could hear Tanya's soft giggles.

I walked towards my father and Sue, watching as Ness caught sight of me, before turning her attention to the person standing beside me. I stiffened slightly, watching her reaction towards Edward.

Her brown eyes widened, her little mouth gaping open as her hands flew to her front, clasping in front of her like a typical little girl would do when she was excited. Vanessa's expression was so comical that I laughed at how adorable she looked like. She had trouble articulating sentences, her awed face turned towards Edward, as though she was gazing upon a precious jewel, or one of the many princes she fawned upon in those Disney shows of hers.

"Prince . . . Prince Charming?" she strolled slowly towards us, each step laces with insecurity, her hand reaching towards Edward to ensure she was not dreaming. Edward chuckled and bent down on one knee, releasing his hold on my waist. I watched as he pretended to tip his hat off towards my daughter, who stared at him with doe-like eyes.

He smiled crookedly, "Well, baby-doll, I'm afraid you've mistaken me. My name's Edward, how do you do?"

My heart literally stopped when Vanessa moved closer, touching his cheek with her tiny hand. "My name is Vanessa . . . why baby-doll?"

Edward's face crumpled together as he considered her question, but before I could explain to him what she truly meant, he smiled wider and answered steadily in his hypnotic velvet-like voice, "Because you look like a doll, baby-doll."

"You mean I look like Barbie?" Ness continued stroking his face, and I did not stop her, for Edward was seemingly entranced towards her like we all were, perhaps even more so. "Hmm . . . I think you're even sweeter than Barbie, baby-doll. Do you mind me calling you baby-doll?"

Ness shook her head with such vigor.

"Well then, it's nice meeting you, baby-doll." He held her hand against his cheek, never once taking his green eyes away from her. My heart stuttered at how he would react towards her – he barely even knew my daughter, and yet he acted as though he was . . . he _knew _what it was like to care for her. It was as though he was . . . _fatherly_.

They continued to converse, my baby and Edward – I did not know how to title him in my mind – and I caught my father's eye. He was smirking at the display, completely at ease, compared to my tense body. Tanya shared my concern, though, but the adults in my life seemed to not hold a care. I wondered why, and planned on asking Dad later on in the night.

Suddenly, an obnoxious voice rang out, "Eddie, there you are!" I shivered momentarily, as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown on my body, before glancing at Lauren Mallory. I had not been expecting her to show up, but seeing as Tanya's family invited nearly the whole town, this was not to be avoided.

The girl grinned saucily at Edward, who paid her no heed, still talking with my daughter the importance of Batman versus Barbie, which would have been enough to warm my heart if not for the fact that Lauren was dressed so inappropriately in front of my child. I did not want my daughter to have to view such obscenity at its finest. Tanya whistled angrily and my father stared icily at Lauren.

Lauren, appearing as your typical air-head, latched onto Edward's arm.

I was shocked by the onslaught of anger and pure fury, watching her trying to attain his attention. Vanessa did not look at her, thankfully, keeping her eyes on Edward. He, on the other hand, tore his attention away from my baby girl to address the unstoppable blonde on his right arm. He shook her off, and I smiled evilly at her.

She caught my gaze, her eyes narrowing in annoyance, before bending down to speak to Ness.

Oh. _God_. No.

"Hey little girl –" Lauren purred, her red finger nails reaching to seemingly scratch against my daughter's cheek. Vivid, hot anger flooded me, clouding everything in my eyes as I placed myself between her and Vanessa. Immediately, she stood up, her eyes showing surprise, yet she was malicious. I did not like how she stared at my daughter, as though she was meal waiting to be eaten by a hungry wolf.

And I certainly did not enjoy her stiff act of pretense directed towards the sole purpose of my life. "You so much as touch her, Lauren," I spat furiously, and her eyes widened with the violence in my tone, "and I will _end _you."

She groveled backwards, her eyes wide with shock. She recovered moments later, glaring wildly at me. I met her cold gaze evenly with my own, feeling every fiber in my being absolutely _despising _her. She growled, "Bring it on, bitch!"

I never thought about the day that Lauren Mallory would pull on my hair like how the Monster had once, but after the initial trauma entered my system, before she could do any damage, someone pulled her insane claws off me. Her eyes were crazed as I pulled my daughter behind me so she wouldn't see the disgusting look Lauren had placed upon her disdainful face.

"Mallory, you better back off," Tanya warned as she leaned protectively over me and Vanessa. I glared at the condescending girl through my friend's body, hoping she would feel the heat of my hatred for her through the barriers. "Yeah, Lauren, go before things escalate." Edward looked down in disgust towards her, and I smiled a little at his obvious discomfort at her.

"But, Eddie –"

"Go!"

His voice was commanding and thunderous, and with a huff of indignation, Lauren Mallory trudged off. We were all quiet, absorbing the suddenness of such an attack in our system. I did not dare to meet my father's questioning stare, only loosening the clasp of my hands over my baby's ears. She had not taken her eyes away from Edward, astonishingly, before she cheered, "Yay! Edward defeated the dragon!"

And because I could not help myself, I burst out laughing.

* * *

><p><em>AN: My excuse for this time? Well, one of my closest friends - and ex - died in a car crash. His name was Adrian, and may he rest in piece. I'm dedicating this chapter towards him, dedicating what I spent a couple of months trying to figure out what to write, towards the boy who changed my entire life with one single intro. _

_So is Bella and Edward together? Duh, but they haven't really figured things out. Will there be a Daddyward involve in all this drama? Yep, you betcha. Is Lauren gonna come back swinging? Oh, my sweeties, she'll be raising hell when she's done licking her wounds. I've got plans for this story - big ones. I can only hope you guys will stick around for the ride. _

_What do you think happened to Edward that made him have a past? Don't forget to leave a review; now that I'm back from my temporary hiatus, those reviews are going to be a big help with motivating me to write more chapters. =) _

_-Serene. _


	12. Never Think

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter 12: Never Think**

_Disclaimer: No, I'm not Stephenie Meyer. _

_Bella_

After the laughter had died down, Dad asked, "So I assume that's the girl Tanya's been going on about?" My friend only huffed in disgust as she bent to high-five my daughter. "Isn't it obvious enough? No one else can look that dumb." She sighed. "It's hard to believe I used to be friends with her."

On this new information, my head jerked back with surprise. Edward's hand had slipped into mine, and he squeezed it in retaliation towards Tanya's words. I glanced at him shyly before looking at my dad. The Chief only smirked vividly at this tiny display of affections, looking more pleased than I would have thought him to be. Yes, indeed, there were many things I would have to clarify with my father later on in the night.

"Tell us more," I murmured, sitting down and pulling another chair for Edward. He smiled at me before taking his place on my right. Vanessa was smiling enthusiastically at him while she took the seat on my left. It was now the early evening, twilight, and the last sunrays were making themselves known. The light casting above the trees gave a mysterious glow for the reception.

It was stunning, but I was more curious on Tanya's story. "Kids nowadays, always so concerned with their social life." Sue smiled at Dad, who only crossed his arms and stared straight at Edward, eyeing him with speculation, measuring him up.

Edward seemed to not notice it, instead laying on his charm and working his way around a table full of strangers – to him, at least. "Well," Tanya shot back at Sue, "I don't think that's the case for everyone. I mean, look at Bella." She pointed at me.

I cocked my head at her, "Excuse me?"

"See!" Tanya exclaimed, "She doesn't even care about what people think of her. I think that's the best part of her; how she puts people first before herself. I bet, if she becomes a firefighter, she'll be the most in-demand one. Wouldn't you agree, Edward?" She slyly asked him.

He laughed and said, "Yeah, definitely."

I let go of his hand, playfully frowning at him as I leaned away. "Now, that's not nice. The two of you are ganging up on me!" Edward chortled and attempted to grab my hand, but I slapped his away. He rubbed it tenderly, holding it to his chest, "Ow, Bella. You really know how to hit a man."

"Oh my God, that's what Seth said!" Tanya gasped with her light brown eyes deep with recognition. Edward looked from me to her, clearly perplexed by her words. "Why would he say so?"

Groaning, I decided then and there to intercede, in order to preserve whatever little pride I had left. I was lucky Seth was not present – he would have dug in deeper until I was a groveling mess of melted confidence. "Let's just get back to the topic, shall we? You were in the middle of telling us all something, were you not?" I asked my friend, who only chuckled.

"Al-right," Dad drawled, "I think that's our cue for us oldies and young-ins to leave. C'mon, Ness. Let's go get Jake and we'll go to the beach." Dad was careful not to say anything that would allow Edward to presume what our relationship with Vanessa was.

Ness, however, had other ideas. "But I wanna stay with Prince Edward!" At this, I laughed again and let go of Edward's hand to cradle my daughter against my body. She looked up at me pleadingly as she quietly whispered, "Please, Mommy? Can I stay with Prince Edward? Please?"

My heart halted and I turned around to make sure Edward was not hearing any of this. I knew I would have to tell him of my secrets soon, but I was not yet ready to tell him. It was too early to tell him, and if I was indeed being honest, I wanted to prolong our sweet beginning before the lies and excuses arrived. In other words – I was not ready.

But he was not listening, Tanya claiming his attention as she told him of my many annoyances with Seth. I breathed a sigh of relief when he turned to me, his beautiful smile taking my breath away. My baby gave up on me; she chose instead to turn her begging, doleful brown eyes towards him. She overtook him in an instant from what I could see. I held back my snickers as she asked him, "Please, Prince Edward? Can I stay with you? Pretty please with a big, big, _big_ cherry on top and whip cream and chocolate chips? And, and . . . um . . . another big cherry?"

Oh, I can't hold it in anymore!

I started to bounce in my seat with all my laughing at poor Edward's dazzled face, trying to comprehend what she had said through his cloud of befuddlement. I knew it, I simply _knew _it. No one would be able to resist her!

"Uh, sure, baby-doll," Edward rubbed his right hand knuckles on his chin. "What do you want to do?"

Vanessa's eyes grew impossibly bigger as she hurled herself from her seat onto Edward's lap. Tanya and I shared a brief glance towards each other, both reeling from this sudden action. I did not understand why Ness would do such a thing – she had barely met Edward, and yet she appeared to trust him. Her adoration for him seemed impenetrable as well.

This I simply could not decipher. She was so taken by Edward, almost as much as I was, and I could not help but feel the hope rise slowly from my chest. Edward wrapped his arms around her little body protectively, a complete mirage of how I would have done the exact same thing. It was truly a sight to behold, and my eyes had started to tear.

Why was I crying so much today?

My baby laughed with joy, her brown eyes bright with excitement. "We can go play with Jake!" she nodded vigorously, looking imploringly at Edward, who smiled widely back as he asked, "Who is this Jake, baby-doll?"

"He's my best, best, best, best friend!" Ness thrilled. "He's my best friend ever! And he's funny, smart and really cool! I love my Jakey!" I sat up straighter when she said this last fact. Though I knew she would one day reveal that, the timing of her revelation was too fast. I began to feel nauseated.

Edward caught sight of how I appeared to be, and from his suppressed grin, I could only assume that it must have been humorous. He held Ness closer to his chest and dropped his voice lower to a whisper, "Well, I think I'd like to meet this super-smart friend of yours. Where's Jakey?" His velvet voice dripped like sweet nectar, laced with such gentleness that was not usually found in a man's voice.

And my daughter was entirely enraptured.

So was I, actually.

Ness whipped her head from side to side, looking for little Jacob. I searched as well, though it was held with no success. I caught sight of Alice Cullen staring with confusion at me and Edward, as well as Vanessa, and when she realized I was staring back at her, she bowed her head in embarrassment. Jasper Whitlock sat next to her, his head moving slowly between me and her. Rosalie Hale, on the other hand, merely sighed and smiled widely at me. I raised my hand in greeting towards her, and she did the same thing.

I continued looking for my baby's best friend but I _still _could not find him. Ness pulled my hand and began to murmur, "Where's Jake? I can't find him, Mommy."

This was the second time Edward paid no heed to what she called me. Tanya had once again claimed his attention. I had to thank my friend more than necessary – I owed her so much. She was proving to become someone really important to me, a completely different person from Jane.

"Ness, honey, come here for a second." Dad cleared his throat, "I think Jacob's gone home with your Uncle Billy."

"But he hasn't said bye-bye yet!"

"Well, maybe he had to go quickly," Dad backtracked, "or maybe he didn't have time. You still want to stay here, sweetie? Grandpa can bring you to their house, if you want. You can say goodbye there." Oh, I knew what my father was trying to do – he was coercing her into leaving my side so that I could spend more time with Edward. I blushed as he did so, but also wondered why he would do such a thing.

Weren't fathers supposed to be fighting off boys from their daughters instead of encouraging relationships?

Yes, my father was, indeed, a questionable man. But I trusted him to know what he was doing. I would find the opportunity to thank Tanya as well for her efforts. Vanessa pouted, considering her options, before she turned to Edward, "Jake's not here. He went home without saying bye-bye."

Vanessa's adorable face crumpled into one of heartache. "It's okay, baby, Grandpa will bring you to visit him later. Why not you go there now, so you can spend more time with Jacob?"

"Can I, Mommy? Can I?" she asked, her eyes wide. When I nodded, she jumped up and peppered my face with kisses. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you, Mommy, more than my own life!" I heard a quiet gasp and turned towards the sound, though I already knew who it belonged to.

My spine tingled with a sharp pain as Edward gazed at me, those green eyes of his burning with such curiosity and wonder, yet he never spoke anything else. They flared remarkably with recognition before he calmed and smiled gently. I was taken aback. Why has he not run yet?

I could not bring myself to look into those eyes of his, but then I realized that I did not have to explain certain circumstances to him, if I was not ready. I could only hope that he would understand. This was as much as I was ready to reveal; that I was a mother to a child of four years, that I was a fraud. The shame that surged through me was irrational. I should not be embarrassed of Vanessa.

But I was certainly ashamed of what and who I was.

"Are you leaving?" Edward asked politely, his large hand reaching for mine. I allowed him to hold it as I marveled over the feeling of his skin. Vanessa sat still on my lap, watching our exchange with her intelligent brown eyes, trying her best to comprehend. "Um, no," I answered, "I think I would like to stay here awhile."

Edward squeezed my hand. "I think I'd like that way too much."

Laughing, I smiled shyly at him before leaning forward to kiss his cheek. I felt the heat of his skin ignite underneath my lips, the sensation so powerful that it made me want to kiss it more. It took my every focus to remember that my baby was sitting on my lap in perfect view of me and Edward.

I bit my lip, and Edward tenderly pulled it away.

"Will you be my friend, Prince Edward?" Ness asked him, her little hands reaching to his arm. He still held my hand as he chuckled adoringly at the little girl; all my fears were irrelevant. He did not appear to judge my daughter as he said, "Sure, baby-doll! I would love to!" Edward seemed enthusiastic as he held his arms out towards my daughter. My heart tightened around the edges as she willingly went to him.

Needless to say, I was astounded. My baby appeared to trust Edward so much it rivaled her own faith in me. She curled her arms around his neck as though she had been doing it for years, as though she _knew _he would be the optimum person to trust. That he was the person who _I _trusted the most. It was a mind-boggling thing to see my daughter hug the man I've spent more than three months loving from afar, and it was such a surrealistic approach.

Edward took it all in stride, holding her professionally against his chest. "Jake might be angry because I have a new best friend . . ." Ness confessed, playing with the buttons of his suit jacket. Edward grinned over her head at me as he gently kissed the top of it. I wanted so badly to know what was on his mind, to catch a simple glimpse of it. From the corner of my eye, Dad was equally stunned as I was.

"Don't worry, baby-doll, he won't be angry. I'll make sure he'll share." I grinned; it was the exact thing that I would say. Vanessa leaned back so that she could stare into his eyes. It would only be a matter of time before she would ask for a promise. Edward stared evenly into her brown orbs, entirely entranced, and I could hardly keep myself from laughing aloud at this observation.

"Promise?" she asked timidly, pulling on his buttons still.

He released his arm, "Cross my heart and hope to die, baby-doll." Vanessa's eyes grew wide with so much shock as she shook her head, "No! Don't say die! Nana and Poppa said the same thing, but they died! You can't say die, you can't! You're Mommy's prince!"

The tears threatened to overtake me. I dabbed at my eyes before reaching for Ness. "Come here, baby." She latched onto my body in a vise like grip, her tight hold on me nearly choking on me. Edward's expression was one filled with remorse and regret. I shook my head sadly at him before patting my daughter's head, soothing her trembles of grief.

Moments like this were the very reason why I shielded her away from the horrors of the world. Dad cleared his throat, his eyebrow raised, and I knew what he meant. In spite of my wanting to stay, I needed to bring my baby home – the one place where comfort was at its very best form. I stood up and murmured, "Let's get you home, baby. Mommy will take care of you."

"Wait, Bella, please." Edward begged, standing with me. "Let me say sorry to her. I owe it to her." I bit my lip as Ness peeked from the crook of my neck. She looked at Edward before reaching a hand out towards him hesitantly. He held it in between both of his palms. He cradled it against his cheek, and my heart constricted in my ribs once more.

I looked away – the forces of the need to take care of my daughter and the urge to stay with Edward warred with each other. I took a deep; I needed to be strong for Ness. Her needs were greater than my own. And I would have to remember my priorities, too. Edward may now be present in my life, but Vanessa was still my daughter, and I needed to ensure she was safe.

Every second that passed only made me that much more paranoid.

Edward brushed his hand against my cheek before whispering, "Sorry, baby-doll. I won't say that anymore if you don't want me to. Please don't cry."

I held Vanessa closer to my chest. I got ready to leave once more before she suddenly cried out. I stopped in my tracks and tried to hold on to my struggling child, but it was futile. She squirmed so much that I had to put her down. The minute I did so, she ran up to Edward and held her arms out. He took her in his arms easily, swinging her up.

He looked miserable as she hugged him in earnest. His sadness chewed at the corners of my shattered heart, my arms involuntarily reaching out towards the young man who – in this moment – looked so fragile and vulnerable. "It's okay," Vanessa hugged him tighter, "a lot of people say bad promises. Mommy doesn't, though, and Grandpa; Ms. Clearwater and Uncle Seth and Aunty Tanya too. They make good promises."

Edward's tensed posture had relaxed slowly while she spoke. He smiled gently at the angel he carried, "Really? Can I make one good promise, then?"

"Okay . . .?" Ness was unsure.

"I promise to never let you down again. I promise not to let you or your mommy cry. I . . . I want you girls to _always _be smiling when you're around me. Therefore," Edward squared his shoulders, "I will try my hardest to be your, uh, prince. Do we have a deal, baby-doll?"

My daughter laughed and nodded her head. "Okay. Pinky swear," she raised her pinky and Edward curled his around hers. I smiled at the sight before he turned to me.

Even somewhat miserable and worried, Edward was glorious. He took my breath away just by looking at me. My heart misbehaved as usual when he stared heavily into my eyes. Edward moved closer to where I stood, Vanessa looking from me to him. "And you," he smiled widely, causing my heart to race doubly, "do you trust me?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope, from here on out, you're stuck with me. Suck it up, Swan," he chuckled, and I laughed along before reaching for Vanessa. She went willingly enough. Edward's arms flopped to his side when she was no longer present in his embrace, and he looked as if he wanted to take her from me once more.

Childishly, I stuck my tongue out at him. "She's mine. You are not allowed to take her from me."

He jerked his head back and guffawed before I heard the rest of my family laughing behind my back. I turned to see Tanya holding her hand to her mouth, and Dad and Sue as they held onto each other. Dad still had his smug smile proudly displayed on his lips. I could only raise my eyebrow at him while his grin widened into one of sheer ecstasy.

My baby, however, had other ideas. "Mommy, you always said to share. So you need to share me with Prince Edward."

I tickled her waist, "Oh? What if Mommy doesn't want to? What if Mommy wants to keep you to herself?"

She screamed and squirmed in my grip, laughing. I put her down and watched as she ran behind her grandfather. Dad held his hand out towards her before gruffly saying, "Go say your goodbye to your Prince Edward, sweetie. You don't want him feeling like how you felt when Jake didn't say farewell to you."

Ness waved eagerly, "Bye-bye Prince Edward! Will you ride with Mommy on a unicorn?"

Oh no . . .

I held onto my waist for dear life as I laughed at her antics. I could hear her sweet giggled ringing clear in the air, but Edward's accompanying chortles were equally exquisite. Never in my life have I heard a symphony so incredibly heart-warming; the sound of my daughter and the man I loved laughing together in abandon.

For me, it was certainly an awe-inspiring experience.

"No, baby-doll," Edward placed his arm around my shoulder, and I blushed, "Mommy's going home with you, remember?"

"Aw, no more riding on horsies?" her lower lip trembled. Edward's arm tightened on my shoulder, "C'mon, baby-doll, don't cry. There _will _be riding on, uh, horsies, but just not now." With that, I looked at Dad for further confirmation if he wanted me to stay or go. He gave no hint of what he wanted, though. Instead, he calmly walked over to where I stood with Edward and took Vanessa from my arms.

She gave a final wave at Edward before settling in my father's arms.

When I was assured that they were no longer looking, I bit my lip and stood on my toes to kiss Edward's cheek once again. "Thank you for today, but I think it is most advisable for me to go home with Vanessa. But, um, can I first make one request? It is only a simple one, though. I promise it is not too big."

"Anything, Bella," Edward's green eyes were depthless. I could see the sincerity in them. I took a deep breath before whispering, "Can you please, and I do mean _please_, keep my daughter's identity a secret. You are one of the first to know of her existence, and I would like to keep it that way. I need to protect her, Edward, and I know you have many questions –"

Edward opened his mouth to question me, but I shook my head in an indication that I wanted to continue my speech before I lost the nerve. My protectiveness over Ness was clearly unraveling.

"But," I continued, "in due time, I will tell you why this is so. I cannot risk her being taken away from me; she is my daughter Edward, and it will literally _kill _me to live without her. She means so much to me. Please, grasp that, for me. Do you think you can do that?"

He frowned with his green eyes blazing with passionate fire. "Bella, if you hadn't already noticed, Vanessa's already got me wrapped around her little sweet finger. I already love her, Bella; I know the feeling. I . . . I recognize it from what was left of my past. And of course I'd want to protect her. Forks may be a small town, but the people surely know how to gossip." He shuddered.

I smiled and fingered his hair. "Thank you for today . . . and for loving my baby girl."

Edward clasped my hand and kissed each fingertip. "Anything, Bella, but I guess you already know that."

I could not help the face-splitting smile that spread across my glowing face, it seemed. Before I realized what I was doing, I was pulling him towards my body, burying my face in his chest and relaxing underneath his electrifying hold. It made me feel giddy – the sensation so incredibly addictive that I was not sure it was real.

But there he stood, his arms wrapped around my body so tightly it made breathing a difficult task. We were far from clearing whatever clouds that loomed in our horizons, but I knew we would eventually clear through it all. I wanted this – _him_ – too much to make sense of it all.

Edward kissed the top of my head before leaning down to capture my lips in his tenderness. He knew I that I did not appreciate any form of rough contact and this made it all the more perfect. I was afraid we would be in a haze of teenage love, that what we were doing was simply too fast and headstrong. And perhaps we were both out of our minds, but I would not have it any other way. This was Edward. This was _me. _

Our lips moved together in tandem, and _oh lord _how I wanted to stay locked in this embrace. My head was filled with his scent, his lips; his whispers of my name as our lips would part when we came up for air. The band played another soft song in the background, reminding me that I had Dad and my daughter awaiting my presence.

I blushed when I pulled apart, my posture clearly proving my reluctance to let Edward go. He laughed before kissing my cheek, "Hey, Bella?"

"Yes?" I replied.

"Can I get your number?" I laughed aloud; this was too comical. We were together now yet we did not even have each other's cell-phone number. It was amusing to me because we were going through our relationship with no form of tradition. I told him, of course, and watched as he pulled his phone to commit it down. Edward grinned, looking up, before I smiled shyly back.

Dad's voice startled me as he yelled, "Bells! We have to leave soon! Finish up with your lover-boy and come get Ness. My arms are already aching in protest!" I turned to my father whilst laughing, nodding my head in affirmation. I then turned to the green eyed boy I was so bewitched with and murmured, "I will see you soon?"

"Of course, Sunshine," he touched my blushing cheek when I heard his nick-name for me. "See you later."

"See you later." I chuckled and touched his hand before it dropped to his side. I moved away, my heart slowly melting away with him with every step we took away from each other. It seemed so irrational for me to feel so besotted with Edward, but I found every fiber of my being unwilling to deny it.

Dad gave a quizzical brow at my forlorn expression. He said nothing, handing a very tired Vanessa to my waiting arms. She curled around my body as Tanya and Sue brought us to where Dad had parked his cruiser. I could visibly see Tanya shaking with excitement; she had seen everything, and now, she wanted a little explanation. Sue, on the other hand, seemed more worried for my daughter than she was for me. What a good woman, she was. I truly appreciated her concern for my baby.

Tanya bade us all a good night as we loaded into the car. Dad sent Sue home, and I watched as my father fidgeted a little when she kissed him lightly. I chuckled – we were so alike.

For the rest of the ride home, it was filled with Ness's light snores. I did not realize how tired she must have been from the day's events and I felt horrible for neglecting her for most of the evening. I should have introduced her earlier to Edward. Perhaps then, she would have to feel this much of weariness.

I slipped into the oversized shirt that I treated as a nightgown and tucked my baby into our bed. I had made sure she too was in her princess pajamas before kissing her forehead and watching her sleep. She huddled into the warm sheets, and I was suddenly struck by how fast she was developing.

_Look at her_, my subconscious gloated, _she's so beautiful. She's eating well, growing well . . . is there not a thing more than you could possibly want for her? _I smiled before moving downstairs.

The sound of our bubbling kettle interrupted my thoughts as I entered the kitchen. Despite the aches of my body, my mind was not ready for sleep. It was only nine; my body clock was too habitual towards my normal schedule of sleeping in at three in the morning.

Dad sat on one of the stools, and I companioned him. I grabbed a cup, filling it with water, as I sat beside him. He was lost in his thoughts, and truthfully, so was I. There were so many baffling events that had occurred today. My mind's eye wrapped around each and every moment carefully, wrapping it as though it was a special gift. Every memory I had of Edward I had it filed away when I would like to revisit them once more.

There was also the matter of Tanya and how she had avoided and successfully diverted the talk of her past friendship with Lauren. I wondered why she would hide it from us, but I did not mind. It was her previous life, and I would not judge my closest friend because of it. She meant quite a lot to me, and now that she has proven my trust in her, I would do my best to reciprocate it. She really deserved it.

Finally, there was Edward. I could not understand why he had taken to Vanessa so easily. I almost felt cheated. All the worry, the nights I had tossed here and there thinking of his reaction should he know I had a four-year old daughter was put to waste when he held her close to his body this evening. He seemed so naturally . . . _fatherly _towards her.

And there was the word again. _Fatherly. _

Why would Edward act like that if he did not have any experience with young children? Perhaps he had once babysat Alice Cullen. But that was highly unlikely – she was the same age as we were. Or maybe he volunteered at the local kindergarten. Whatever his reason, I was curious as to what his past held. He seemed closed off whenever he spoke of it, as though he did not wish to tell a soul.

He said that he held 'baggage' as well. If that was the case, what brand did he have?

My father's gruff voice broke the comfortable silence in the kitchen, "Bells?"

"Yes," I answered, turning towards the stoic man that was Charlie Swan. He pinched the bridge of his nose before closing his eyes. "What happened with Vanessa? How did you . . . how did you, well, conceive her?"

Immediately, my back straightened and I shut off my mind as it threatened to bring back the past memories that I tried so hard to hide. It was truly a tiresome task, but I pushed through it, having done it several times before. "That is a story I do not wish to share."

Dad curled his fists on top of the table, and I cowered against my chair. My heart thumped loudly, clearly acknowledging the suddenness of his hostility. "Bella, _please_," he said through clenched teeth, "I need to know who did _this_ to you. You're no longer my baby girl, Bells. I look at you, and I see a young woman who's closed off towards the world. What happened, Bella? Did the boy, whoever the heck he was, hurt you?"

He was on officer mode now. He would be interrogating me now. As his last sentence registered in my stilling mind, I froze, my hands on the cup of water I had been holding slipping. The crash of glass was stinging in my ears as I tried to control the entire shaking of my body.

It was no use now. The memories were coming back, and before I knew it, I was leaning across the kitchen sink hurling my guts out of my body. I did not want to close my eyes – in fears that I would see the Monster's despicable face – and focused on the tap instead. Dad rose to his feet to keep my hair out of my face.

The heat of his palms against my cheek was soothing. His body, though, was stiff and rigid with realization. He had figured it out on his own. My father was an inquisitive man. He could read between the lines with no clear help. He put together the pieces, and now he kept his anger in check as he helped his daughter feel better.

Oh, I had not wanted to ruin the beautiful memories I had today by crying. I felt like it would have been a waste. I'd cried when Edward and I talked, and that was more than enough. _Edward_ . . . the mention of his name brought my body to standstill again.

I did not expect how quickly the comfort came at the mention of his name. It was as like my thinking of Ness sometimes when I faced difficulty. My thudding heart, so painful and tightly wound, pounded to a slow beat as the memory of him holding me flooded my messy mind. My limbs instantly grew relaxed.

Dad's grip loosened, and I took the opportunity to shakily wash my mouth. I faced away from Dad, hoping to keep my breathing steady before facing him. My father's face held nothing short of concern for me, as he balled his fists to stabilize his anger. I knew how he felt – protective. I was a parent myself.

The thought of Edward brought a certain amount of courage rising in my chest, and I took it to my advantage. "Yes, he . . . he had hurt me, Daddy," I whispered softly. My father closed his eyes.

I watched as my father's fear, anger, pain and most of all, _guilt_, unraveled underneath my own eyes. He sank into a chair, rubbing his hands across his face. I walked slowly towards him before launching myself onto to hug him. Dad's arms came around my torso, pulling me down onto his lap. I remembered him holding me like this as a child, and in that instant, it made sense why he would do so.

He wanted to remember his little girl for as long as he could. Because he knew that he would lose her the minute she told him her story.

"Daddy," he held me tighter as I murmured his name, "I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, baby girl, it's not your fault. What was his name, Bella?" He glared hatefully at the floor, his fists tight against my shoulder blades. I shook my head and stood up, unable to whisper the name of the Monster, no matter how far we apart we were. I could not bear it.

If I said his name, I knew I would not last ten seconds before I reverted to a bawling mess on the floor. _Edward_ . . . his name repeated itself in my mind, and I hated how it managed to change my mind. He brought along with him such courage and freedom. It was liberating yet frightening at the same time. I did not know what to think of it. But for now, I needed to answer my father. He deserved that much respect.

Dad spat, "His name, Bella."

I flinched before taking a deep breath to calm the bundle of nerves. Over and over in my mind I repeated my daughter's name, Edward's, Tanya's and Seth's; trying my best to overcome the knot in my stomach that was dangling precariously under my throat. I bit my lip and thought of every good memory that had been associated with my staying here in Forks.

"James," I whispered brokenly, "James Hunter."

Dad straightened. "I'll find him, Bella. I'll make sure he'll pay for what he did to you."

My phone rang bright and early on a Monday morning, awaking me and my daughter. I rolled over to where it lay against my bedside table, kissing my daughter's cheek in an effort to keep her asleep. I thumbed the screen, reading the caller ID.

_Unknown number_, it spelled. I frowned and rubbed my eyes before standing up. Ness stirred, but continued to sleep peacefully like an exhausted angel. I smiled down at her and moved into the hallway so I would not disturb her. "Hello?" I answered my phone, voice still laced with sleep.

"Morning, Bella," Edward's voice sang. My eyes widened as my cell-phone slipped through my fingertips. I could not believe my ears – he had called! _Edward _had called! I began to rejoice, but instantly recalled that he was waiting for my answer. With regret, I bent down to pick up my phone from its perch on the wooden floor.

"Yes?" I coughed out, clearly acting like a demented woman. I chastised myself, trying to restrain the rejoicing little girl that pulled on her leash. She was annoying but her bubbling happiness was too much to withhold. I giggled when Edward chuckled, "I'm guessing you dropped your phone, huh?"

I pouted and touched the tips of my long hair self-consciously. "How did you know?"

"Sunshine, I know _everything_. You should Emmett. He'll be more than happy to let you know I'm practically a know-it-all."

"Are you referring to yourself as a, um, geek?" I stammered, amused by the turn in our conversation. "Oh, no, now that's the deal breaker down there. I'm not a geek – just a really handsome know-it-all." He teased me. I blushed before peeking inside the bedroom to ensure Vanessa was still fast asleep.

"Don't I know it," I laughed back, and he was quiet for awhile. I could imagine him smiling away, rubbing the back of his neck as he asked, "So, uh, would you mind if I took you to school today? I know that you used to ride with Seth and Tanya, and now you got that grandfather Chevy –"

"It is _not _a grandfather. You take it back, Edward Cullen. You take it back now." I warned him, feeling overwhelmingly protective of my truck. It ran wonderful; more than I had once anticipated it to be. Plus, the radio had an amazing reception for a decade old truck. The teasing came so smoothly. I felt as though we had been like this for forever, as odd as it sounded.

Edward guffawed, and my heart warmed. "Okay, okay, Ms. Grumpy Pants. I was just trying to be _really _subtle about asking you if you'd like to ride with me to school. I could pick you up and we'd discuss the weather and steal shy glances at each other while we try to figure out how to walk into school."

His words were painted our future for today and I smiled widely, feeling the tightening of my heart as it approved of its choice for its lover. _Lover_ – was that what I should call Edward? The notation of boyfriend seemed too superficial and blatant, but I could not think of anything else.

It was truly curious why, only a few days ago, I was an overprotective mother, loving no one but her family. Now, I had several people in my life that I would, indeed, die for. Edward was included, of course. I loved him, even though I would not admit it to him yet.

I was still a hopeless romantic, after all. I wanted to hear him say it from his lips before I whispered it back at him. Besides, I was hoping that chivalry had not yet passed. "Yes," I assented, smiling when I heard him jump with exultation, "I would love to ride to school with you."

"Great!" Edward enthused. "That's great! What time do you want me to pick you up?"

I went downstairs to check the time. There was only one clock, and it was inside the kitchen. I caught sight of Dad and Sue chatting. They grinned at each other as Sue murmured, "It's definitely Edward," towards my dad. He winked at me before eating his granola bar. I giggled and wished them a good morning before checking the time.

The clock told me it was five forty-five in the morning. Our school started around seven thirty. I told him to pick me up at six thirty, the time I usually left for school. "If it is not too much of a trouble for you," I bit my thumb nail as I awaited his answer. "It's fine. Though it's probably the first time I've ever gone to school early."

Laughing, I said farewell to him and shifted upstairs to prepare for the day.

I was running late. Vanessa had gotten tired of eating pancakes. She was picky about her food this morning, and was restless. She was particularly crabby and I was glad I was patient with her. Most teenagers would have gotten angry but I could not do that to my daughter. No, I could never be angry at her.

As she sulked her morning away, I kissed her cheek and told her that I loved her. It hurt that she did not whisper it back but I tried not to let it get to me. Ness had these bouts of moodiness occasionally. I did not what would trigger it, only wishing for it to pass as quickly as they had come. She eyed me bitterly as I grabbed my coat.

Today would be heavily raining. It was the end of spring. Summer was clearly dominating the seasons now. The town of Forks was well known for always being erratic in its weather for summer, and I was worried that my baby would catch a cold. Before I could leave the front door in my state of disarray, I heard Ness call out, "Mommy!"

I turned, unable to refuse any call from my daughter. She ran up to me tearfully, her eyes filled with remorse. I tried not to hold her any tighter, fearing that she would suffocate. "I'm sorry for being bad, Mommy. I'm really angry Jake didn't say bye-bye to me. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, Mommy." Her voice was babyish and so heavily depressed.

Kissing her cheek, I only nodded, "I understand. Only, next time, just tell Mommy, okay? Do not lash out at other people just because you are mad. Do you understand, baby?"

Ness hugged me tighter. "Yes, Mommy, have fun at school!" she dismissed me. I smiled and hugged her closer before releasing her.

I spilled out onto the street before skidding to a stop. Edward leaned against his Volvo in a clear display of patience and wonder. He had on a tight blue sweater and faded jeans. I tried my best not to feel subdued by how good looking he was, and shyly walked over to where he was. He smiled and walked over, taking my hand.

"Morning," he greeted again, "you okay?"

And for the first times in years, I looked up to meet his magical green eyes and nodded resolutely. "Yes."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Surprised this came earlier than expected? Yeah, I am too. Thanks for all the condolences you guys have sent my way - it's been nice to think that there are people out there who care for me. This chapter is dedicated to all those whose loved one died during the 9/11 attacks. May their souls rest in peace and their names forever remembered. _

_So, what do you think Charlie will do when he finds James? What can you guys infer about Edward's past, especially seeing that he's been good with Ness and everything. Yes, he knows Bella's a mommy. No, he's not bothered by it. But there's a storm brewing, and it comes by the name of Hurricane Mallory ready to hit Forks at 200MPH. Leave a review, and if it hits more than 18, I'll be updating this as fast as possible. _

_-Serene. _


	13. Brand New

The Beginning Of After

Summary: My name is Vanessa Swan, four years old. My Mommy was raped when she was thirteen, and that was how I was made. This is her story.

**Chapter 13: Brand New**

_Disclaimer: No, Twilight's not mine. _

_Bella_

I felt like it was my first day of school all over again.

All around me, people stared. Edward's hand firmly clasped my own, his stance both protective and proud. He glared at those who glared at me, especially those presumptuous girls who dressed like tramps. I smirked at them, feeling a little boastful for once.

There was something new in my strides today; I stood taller, walked faster and held my head high. I felt new – as if I had been reborn. I had never felt more alive than I did now, with Edward pulling me by his side. I noticed, in particular, that the boys had their eyes wide open in disbelief. I knew what they were thinking; _how did_ _Edward Cullen, master of the non-dating, finally found a girl? _

Needless to say, I bit my lip against their heady stares and allowed him to tug me along towards Seth and Tanya, both leaning against his Prius. Their heads were close together, murmuring in intimate voices as I greeted them, "Morning!"

Oh, even my voice sounded different!

Seth's head snapped up, his grin widening. "Morning, Bella." He eyed Edward speculatively before nodding and reaching out his hand to pat him on the back, "And Edward. Glad to know you're finally settled."

My first friend in Forks smiled warmly at him before wrapping an arm around me. I laughed as he whispered, "You know who to tell when the going gets rough for the both of you. Just give me a call and I'll get my baseball bat ready." I leaned away, grimacing before pulling on his nose. "Thanks, but I think I can manage."

He winked and let go of me, looking at Edward. "Okay, I'm releasing your girl, sergeant. No need to give me The Eye." Edward's face was turning red at Seth's comment, and I chuckled before lightly smacking my friend on his bicep. "Stop harassing him, Seth. Or I won't let you have my pie."

His eyes widened, "Pie? You brought pie? Where is it? Give it to me, give it to me!"

"Oh my _God_ babe, will you please tone it down a little? It's seven a.m. for Christ's sake. Let me act like a zombie for awhile more. Jeez, I have a baboon for a boyfriend." Tanya rolled her eyes endearingly before smiling at me, "Morning, Bella! I see you've got quite the entourage."

I blushed when she eyed Edward appreciatively in his attire. He grinned and tucked me onto his side, the old feeling of electricity humming quietly against my right arm where it pressed against his torso. Edward bent his head down to graze the top of his lips against my head. "I feel horrible."

"Why?" I looked up to meet his green embers, burning with amusement. "Everyone's staring at you. I don't like it. I feel like packing you up and bringing you back home."

I giggled. "Unfortunately, you are not allowed to do that. I still have English, you know."

"Ms. Swan, you don't know how much I know about you," he winked, his face morphing into such a heartwarming expression. I groaned quietly in my head. What could he possibly see in me? I didn't have the answer to that. Edward held too many surprises that I couldn't even anticipate.

"Stalker," I accused and he laughed, throwing his head back against the air. "You two are so cute," Tanya said from under Seth's arm. I turned to look at her confident smile.

In all honesty, I had not felt this light-hearted in a long time. It felt . . . odd – weird, would be the better term. Over the course of one weekend, my life had altered so completely, turning the world as I knew it upside down. I wouldn't change it for a thing, obviously, but it might take me sometime before I could get used to the jovial air that surrounded my family and friends . . . and Edward.

The bell rang, and since Edward had his first class in building two – the opposite direction of my first class – he had to trudge off first.

Edward wrapped his long arms around my all-too willing body, crushing me to his warm chest. I shivered when I felt the familiar burn where our bodies combined as one. He pulled away, reached into his book bag, and presented me with a gray colored beanie. I eyed him skeptically. "What is this for?"

"Whenever I'm cold, I wear this and I feel warm again. It's gonna snow today – freaky weather even for Forks, so I figured you might want this." Edward smiled gently and helped place it over my head. He was right on one point; it _was _cold, but I was not shivering because of it. Nonetheless, when he placed on my head, it covered my freezing ears.

He was right on another point; it was so wonderfully _warm_.

"Thank you," I kissed his cheek, "but we need to get to class." Edward sighed and squeezed my waist one last time. "See you later in lunch, Sunshine."

I jolted, hearing his nick-name for me, and waved at him before walking off to where Seth stood. He grinned, happy to see me happy, and we began to walk off to class together. "Tanya already went off, so it's just you and me, Bells," Seth laughed. I chuckled along with him as we walked to English together.

"How was the football meet?" I asked him, moving aside as a freshman boy barreled in between us. Seth scoffed, pulling on his varsity jacket. "It was freaking horrible, I tell ya. Worst meet ever. Garrett was being an emotional mess all over again, Coach couldn't stop barking at us to get off our asses and work-out like the other teams do, and, well, let's just say I'd rather have been to the wedding than there."

Wincing in sympathy, I said, "It couldn't have been that bad, could it?"

"Please. Between facing the drama here in Forks and the hell over there in Cali, I'd pick Forks anytime. Besides, from what I heard, the wedding was pretty _intense_ wasn't it, Bella?" Seth grinned cockily at me, eyebrow raised as we entered our classroom. I blushed and looked down, sliding my bag over my table top.

"Shut it, Seth." I gritted my teeth.

He sang, "Shutting!"

My classes were flowing slowly this morning. English seemed longer than it should be but I persevered. I wanted to see Edward, my hand itching to be in his once again, but I knew I had my responsibilities. So instead of dwelling on my newfound relationship, I focused instead on the words my teachers lectured us with, listening to them talk about old English stories, formulas and finding the unknown coefficient of X.

Yes, I was not fond of Trig, but I still needed it if I wanted to graduate in a year's time.

Seth continued his dreary description of California all throughout our periods. He was worried for the new season, saying it would be tough for them to even dream of defeating the La Push wolves down in the reservation. FHS Spartans were not as strong as they said they were, most of the boys using the title as jocks just for the privileges that came along with it.

He was also worried about Garrett. I worried about him too.

I had yet to see him throughout the morning. Normally, we would have bumped into him in the corridors before my Spanish class started. We would catch up briefly before going off in different directions for our classes. Thankfully, Senora Goff was lenient and allowed students to be ten minutes late at most.

Lately, my friend had been distant. I wondered if it had anything to do with his unrequited love for Kate Denali, Tanya's other sister who got onto her nerves for joining the clan of Mallory's tramps.

Yes, I had a new hatred for Lauren Mallory as well. Ever since the wedding, I wanted nothing but to tear her eyes out for even going near my daughter. She was so vile that no matter how hard I'd tried to not dislike her, I could no longer help it. My actions were going to resemble Tanya's at some point – I had already taken to calling her by her last name.

I was a lucky girl that I didn't have to share any other classes – apart from Gym – with her.

In Spanish, Seth laughed at my disability to sit still. Only in twenty more minutes would I be able to see Edward once again, and although I knew I was supposed to be listening to Senora Goff's lectures, I could not help but allow my mind to wander. What was Edward doing now? Was he thinking of me?

Fidgeting, I tugged on the beanie that I borrowed from him. Beyond the dreary window panes of the classroom, I could see the snowflakes slowly falling down to the Earth. Vanessa would have loved this – it would be her second time experiencing snow since early January. I could imagine her begging Sue to take her outside, eagerly putting on her parka and struggling with her mittens. Ness would have –

"Isabella?" Senora Goff's voice broke through my thoughts. My attention snapped back to the teacher, who stood patiently in front of the class, her eyes amused with my lack of focus. I blushed, "Sí, Senora?"

"Lo que es otro significado para el mantenimiento en español?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest. I could hear Seth's snickers and I pinched the top of his thigh underneath the desk we shared. I bit my lip, thinking. "Continuidad, señora?"

Senora Goff smiled indulgently before tapping her fingers against her arms. "Así, no se debe continuar con esta falta de atención de lo contrario corre el riesgo de fracaso." I blushed once more and apologized profusely to her deaf ears, subtly watching as Seth tried to control his snickering.

Once the bell rang, I shoved my papers and lecture pad into the blinder I had gotten for myself. I ignored Seth's outreaching hand towards me and hobbled over to the door, my face still flushed with fury. I could hear Seth scrambling after me, but I did not wait for him; I was seething with rage. He knew I hated being laughed at – I had had enough of that in Jacksonville, where I was the laughing stock of many.

"Whoa, hold on there, Tiger. Why so angry?" A cool, velvety voice said as I crashed into a warm body. Familiar arms encircled my waist as I buried my face into Edward's chest, breathing in his boyish scent in an effort to banish my foul mood. "I think I can answer that," Seth's repentant voice chuckled nervously from behind me.

Leaning away from Edward's embrace, I glared distastefully at him. Seth smashed his lips together, his hazel eyes lighting with amusement and quiet indignation. "What happened in Spanish?" Edward inquired, keeping one arm around my waist while he looked back and forth between me and Seth. He looked so confused that my rigid stance softened.

_Really, Bella, you are becoming odd. _

"Bella over here wasn't paying attention in class. Senora Goff called on her, sort of gave her a scolding, and then she blushed and _still _hasn't gotten over it." Seth scratched the back of his neck. I snorted, "Excuse me? You left out the part where you laughed at me – _laughed_! You know how I despise being laughed at! Look at me; I am such the court jester! One simple flick of my hand and I have all of you on the floor dying of laughter!" I ranted, pointing one accusing finger at him.

Both Seth and Edward froze, staring at me with unreadable expressions on their faces. I stood there with my chest heaving, aware that I had stomped my foot throughout my entire accusation. Suddenly, they fell over with laughter, Edward letting go of me as he held on for dear life on the locker beside him. Seth bent over, his face tearing with the exertion of laughing.

I would never understand boys. I growled, "Stop laughing at me! It isn't remotely funny!"

"Hell . . . hell yeah it . . . it is!" Seth struggled to say the words. I looked over at Edward who was trying futilely to recover. I honestly tried to find a way to be mad at him – he too, was laughing at me – but I could not bring myself to do so when he leaned against that locker and looked so carefree and simply _Edward_.

Perhaps I was a little biased. After all, I did harbor a crush on him for months before we began our relationship.

But still, I did not like being the subject of their guffaws. I sighed and made my way over to the cafeteria, effectively leaving them behind as I searched for Tanya. She sat in our usual table, alone, as she played with her food. I noticed that her face looked dejected – misery at its most finest. I bit my lip and hurried over.

"Hi," I greeted, settling down beside her. I did not bother to buy any food. "What's wrong?"

Tanya looked up, her brown eyes clearly sad. "Nothing . . . I just got lonely, I guess."

"Really," I cocked an eyebrow, placing a hand on top of hers, "what's wrong, Tanya?"

She sighed before leaning back and closing her eyes. "Lauren got to me. Again."

I swear I did _not _growl at the mere mention of her name. But, seeing as Tanya referred to her as 'Lauren' instead of her last name basis, I knew something was wrong. I waited awhile before asking, "What do you mean by 'again?'"

Tanya played moved her hand from mine as she played with the strands on her shirt. Eventually, she sighed and stated, "Remember what I said about how she and I used to be friends? Well, let's just say she sort of used that against me today. And that's a low blow for me. _Replacing me so fast, T? _She'd said. _You and I both know _she'll _never be half as good of a friend as I was_. Note the keyword there – was."

Biting my lip, I watched as Edward and Seth made their way into the cafeteria. Edward's eyebrows mashed into a line as he eyed the empty table. His green orbs glinted slightly as he spoke to Seth, who nodded at whatever he had said. Together, they trudged off to join the queue. I smiled at them timidly, staring at the way Seth noticed Tanya's forlorn expression as well as my comforting arm around her.

He moved a step closer, but I shot him a look. Tanya's hand clenched against her shirt. "Please don't make him come here. I don't want him to see me like this," she whispered passionately, effectively hiding her face with her hands. Seth looked more determined to get to his girlfriend but I gestured for him to stop. Confused, his steps faltered before he reluctantly went back to where Edward stood.

Edward ran his right hand through his hair, clearly muddled by our silent conversation. He would get used to it, I presumed, if he was going to stay with me for the long run. I realized that Tanya was waiting for my response, so I spoke, "What else did she say? Why did the two of you stop being friends?"

"It was right after summer, sophomore year. Lauren and I used to be the best of best friends. We met in kindergarten, and ever since then, we were sort of like sisters. Until she decided she had a crush on Seth, who'd just transferred here from the reservation after Leah was . . . you know. I didn't know how he looked like or anything; I was too busy with school to notice the new addition.

"I was waiting for Kate in the Lodge back then. And then . . . well, I literally _stopped _in my tracks when I saw Seth, holding Jake's hand, as the both of them strolled into the diner. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face, and neither could Jacob. I was seriously floored – I couldn't even think. Seth _is _a pretty hot piece of arm candy, after all." Tanya laughed in misery, her shoulders sagging with the sarcasm. "And then he caught me looking at him, and the rest is history. He invited me out on a date and I spilled to him about Lauren's crush on him, that what we were doing was inappropriate, and that I shouldn't be involved with my best friend's crush.

"The next day after our first date, Lauren found out, and she confronted me in front of the entire cafeteria. It was embarrassing, really, but that was the last time I let her step all over me again. From then on, we became virtual enemies. She wasn't my best friend anymore, and neither was I hers. Do you want to know the reason why Kate hates me so much?"

Her eyes were sad as she watched me nod my head slowly. "It's because Lauren does – she chose her over me. In Kate's eyes, I'll always be the one who was in the wrong, even though I am her sister. But it turns out that love ever really goes beyond blood."

I hugged Tanya closer to me, feeling hot dews of tears drip onto my neck as she leaned onto my body for support. It tickled me, goose-bumps aligning my arms as I held her closer. Tanya had always seemed like the headstrong, tenacious girl that I sometimes feared but ultimately looked up to. Seeing her breakdown like this was . . . _wrong_.

And that was how Seth and Edward found us – my arms locked tightly around my best friend's body while she wept quietly. I twisted in her arms, knowing that she needed her boyfriend more than she needed me. I released her, Seth picking up her almost-limp body and murmuring words into her ears. She only nodded and together, they walked off into the hallways.

"Should I know what's going on?" Edward asked, handing me a _Snickers _bar. I shook my head sadly at him. As much as I adored Edward – loved him, even – this was not my story to tell. I stared into his green eyes, wondering about _his _story, as I wracked through my brain for words. Eventually, it was my stomach that pulled me out of my trance.

Edward laughed, listening to my stomach grumble, and I relaxed at the sound of his voice. I pulled open the wrapper of the chocolate bar he'd given me and began to eat. "By the end of this month," I commented through the bites of chocolates and nuts, "I think I will need to see the dentist."

He laughed again and shook his head, "What for? You already have perfect teeth."

Through my blush, I said, "That's exactly my point; my perfect teeth will be ruined by the goods you give me."

"Goods?" Edward questioned. "You call these little pieces of heaven _goods_? Are you out of your mind? They're practically angels on a stick!"

"Now _you're _the one that's demented!" I retorted, "_Angels on a stick _– who says that?"

"I do," he grinned triumphantly, sitting back on his chair and looking so gloriously smug. I felt indignation rise before my defiant response got interrupted by a chirpy voice, "Do you guys mind if we sit here?" I turned, surprised to see Alice and Emmett Cullen as well as their significant others standing behind me.

Before I could help myself, my mouth opened to ask, "Do you people refer to _Snickers _as 'angels on a stick?'"

And because I realized that I had word vomited only a few seconds later, I slapped my hand against my mouth. My eyes widened as I shrank back, ready to accept their belligerent lashings. However, they surprised me by looking at each other before bursting into fits of giggles and grunts. I cocked my head to the side – what was wrong with them?

Their laughter drifted along the entire area of the cafeteria. I sensed rather than saw people's stares, feeling their burning gazes centre on us. It was unsettling; I could not help but feel the immediate tightening of my shoulders as they withdrew inwardly towards my body. I ducked my head down and fidgeted with Edward's beanie, feeling so uncomfortable. The memories were brutal in their sudden revival.

"_Oh look! There goes the Ugly Duckling!" A boy laughed, joking along with his friends. I ignored their teasing, fervently taking out books from my locker. Another voice, this time more feminine, called my name. Unthinkingly, I turned to face the anonymous girl's direction, but was met with a heavy splash of something wet and sticky. _

_People stared, snickering, as I spat white paint onto the floor. _

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked. I noticed how his long fingers were rubbing onto the tops of my arms, his body hovering along mine as he watched my face as it twisted with distress. I shook my head and swallowed the bile that attempted to rise. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort as I leaned onto his frame. It was truly undeniable – no matter what I warned myself of, Edward would always be my solace.

"Please take me away. Anywhere, just not here," I whispered. I felt him nod against my head as his arms went around my waist, lifting me slightly so that he could partially drag me away from the suffocating cafeteria. I heard the pitter-patter of feet as his friends followed after us, the most prominent one being his sister, Alice, as I peeked at her shyly.

We stood in the hallway, unintentionally bumping into Tanya and Seth. "Whoa, first Tanya, then you," Seth groaned, exasperated as he and Tanya hurried to envelop me with their presence. "Sorry," I apologized to him, "I just could not stand their stares. It was . . . horrible."

"Yeah, I figured that. Come over here and let Seth do all the loving." He joked, beckoning me with his fingers. I laughed; his distraction obviously helping to unravel my irrational mood swing. Then his eyes looked over my shoulder, watching with a steady gaze at the newcomers. I bit my lip and turned to see the reaction of Alice and the others, vehemently worrying over the fact that Seth sometimes held a grudge against them.

But they surprised me yet again. Emmet Cullen smiled winningly at Seth, his dimpled cheeks amplifying his brawny but elder brother-like demeanor. Rosalie and Jasper Hale looked almost lazy, their smiles laid-back and somewhat resigned. And Alice Cullen . . . well, she stared at him haughtily, her hands placed upon her hips as it jutted out on her right.

"Yes, Seth? See something you don't like? Get over your high horse and know that Bella has other friends who care for her too. So shut up and accept us, because we're here to stay." And with that, Seth was completely bowled over. I giggled at his expression, "Well that's fine with me. But if you're here for Mallory –"

"Jesus Christ, that girl's a total whore. I've given up trying to be her friend already. Plus, she's always flirting with my boyfriend! With _our _boyfriends," she grabbed Rosalie Hale's hand passionately, "and it's really annoying. It's more fun hanging out with you guys than it is with her when all she does is complain about how ugly everyone makes her look like in the cheerleading team, or how imperfect her hair is and _what do I need to do, to like, make my boobs bigger so that Edward Cullen will finally notice them and take me out on a date before we, like, have some seriously hot sex?_"

I gaped at her rant. Edward's arms tightened around my body as he groaned aloud, his head falling into the crook of my neck. His chin, unshaved for a day, scratched against my collar. I squirmed, the sparks between us flickering into a small fire, as I bit hard against my lip. "God, it feels _good _to let it all out!" Alice breathed, smiling widely.

"Amen to that," Emmett raised his fist. She bumped hers along his, and I watched, fascinated, as they began to socialize with Tanya and Seth. I caught Tanya's eyes burning bright with the idea of newfound companions, and I was glad that my friends and Edward's were getting along really well.

Seth and Emmett –with the inclusion of Jasper and occasionally Edward – seemed to be the main core of jokers. While Alice was frighteningly more passionate than Tanya was, I realized that Rosalie's tenacity rivaled my best friend's as well. There were many similarities, yet they all differed greatly from each other.

In Florida, I would have never encountered this type of familial bonding within a group of young adults. I would have never thought that I would be included into this increasingly intimate group of . . . friends.

As the bell signifying that lunch had ended rang, I heard another gravelly, familiar voice call my name. I turned around and saw Garrett's stunned expression. His eyes slithered between Seth and Tanya, the Hales and the Cullens, before finally resting on Edward's grip around my hand.

His face paled before it shifted into a vicious mask of disgust and resentment. I felt my eyes widen, my feet taking a step towards him even though my mind screamed not to. He was still my friend – one of the people who knew me first. I wanted to know what was wrong.

But then he hissed, "You're with _Cullen _now?" I flinched back from his gruff voice, bitter with undiluted fury and pure hatred. His eyes blazed, his fists clenched, and I wanted so much to hide away from him. But I stood rooted there, much like the night the Monster stole my soul, and allowed myself to be vulnerable to his incoming insults.

Edward tugged on my hand, intending to pull me away from the growing menace that was Garrett. Limbs stiff with the being frozen, I allowed him to pull and drag me away. Seth gave Garrett a glare as he moved to stand behind me, covering my vision of him. Everyone could sense the change in the air – something horrible was coming, and we all knew it.

Tanya and others said their goodbyes, with Alice Cullen promising to come right by my locker after school so check on me. The others said the same thing, and I was touched by their compassion. However, I did not immediately trust them on their word. It was terrible of me to think that way, but these characteristics were engraved onto me for so long it was hard to crack the stone that held them.

In Biology, I took careful notes of the lesson Mr. Banner conducted, my mind numb from the confrontation that had taken place earlier. I did not allow myself to dwell on Garrett's fear inducing face, his eyes – similar to those of the Monster as he took my innocence – as they burned with such malice.

Even in the room of warmth and familiarity, I shuddered. Edward's hand reached for mine, sensing my unease, and I smiled timidly at him. From across the lab, I could see Seth squirming in his seat. I knew how protective he was of me, because of how similar my past was with his sister.

Garrett's posture was clearly dangerous. I knew it. I could _feel _it. And I wondered why he felt that way. He never harbored any feelings towards me; that much I knew. He loved Kate Denali to the bone. He was in fact, crazy about her. But as Seth said, Garrett's emotions were a mess these days. Was seeing us enjoying new friends without him the breaking point for his questionable attitude?

_But it was self-implied, Bella. Garrett placed all his troubles on his own shoulders. He may have been one of your closer friends before, but that does not mean you trust him. _

Confusion was a cloud swirling around my mind, toying with my heart. How different the afternoon was from the morning. It was a contrast of two different outcomes. I wanted to know why he reacted that way. Garrett was hurting. I could see past his anger and feel his pain, hidden under a rock. But I needed to know the reason.

After Gym ended, I avoided Rosalie and Alice in the girl's changing room. Instead, I fled to the toilet, where I changed quickly. I made sure to check the corridor outside in case Edward stood waiting for me, and when I was sure he was not there, I went in search of Garrett.

It was stupid, mindless and completely idiotic of me, but he was my friend. I couldn't deny that I felt the terrifying charge in the air as I approached him, my heart beating loudly as I stumbled over to where he stood rigidly beside his car. His fists were still clenched and he had his back turned towards me.

_This is a mistake, Bella! Turn around and run away, _now!_ Don't risk yourself again! At the very least, you should've asked Edward or Seth or _someone _to accompany you! Who knows what Garrett might do to you? _

He won't hurt me; I'm his friend, I reasoned with my conscience, my senses on overdrive as I slowly walked towards him. As if sensing my presence, Garrett whirled around, his eyes vicious and angry. I involuntarily took a step back.

_Now you know why, _the voice sighed in disappointment.

I began to back up several paces as Garrett stalked towards me. "I want to know why," he snarled, "why _him_? He's practically out of your league then! Tell me, Bella, how much?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly. "How much is he paying to fuck you? Huh? How much is he fucking _paying _you?" I began to walk away faster, keeping my eyes on him all the while. Everything about him rang _dangerous! _I wanted to run, but I knew it would be fruitless. Garrett was an athlete. I was a clumsy nobody.

My throat prepared for the inevitable scream.

"Answer me, damn it!" he yelled. I flinched, "Please Garrett. Please . . . I have a daughter. She's only four. Please don't hurt me, please . . ." I whispered, my thoughts filling with Vanessa and her sweet face, her graceful actions and her playful hugs. Her large brown eyes as they stared adoringly to meet mine. Her small arms winding around my neck, a wet kiss placed upon the apple of my cheek.

I would never see her again if Garrett continued like this. He was _murderously _enraged.

He froze, hearing my plea, and for a second I thought he was going to let me go. But as I saw his expression morph into a fury harsher than before, I realized I'd chosen the wrong words to say. "You have a four year-old child at _seventeen_? You had a baby at _thirteen_? God, Bella, I never pegged you as a slut!"

_Slut, slut, slut, slut, slut . . . _the name rang around my mind, lashing out at memories that I'd kept hidden for so long now. My back hit against a concrete wall, and I realized that it was too late. I should have listened to the voice. I should have told Edward about my intentions of finding Garrett. I should have known better than to be the naïve girl I was, approaching a man who towered above me and was clearly unstable.

I didn't dare to close my eyes. My breaths were coming and going as he closed in on me, spitting, "Maybe it's the other way round, you whore. Maybe _you're _the one paying him to fuck you. Is that right? I bet it is. That's your secret, isn't it, slut? That you're secretly a prostitute behind that innocent façade of yours? Well fuck you! I fucking _trusted _you, bitch!"

"Garrett please –"

"_Don't you dare say my name, you whore!_" he roared. I heard murmurs as people gathered, watching the display. None of them helped. They just stood there, waiting for the next segment of the free show they were witnessing. It was all too familiar. I heard whispers and quiet murmurings beyond the frantic pounding of my heart.

Garrett sprang onto me, grabbing my arms and flinging me against the wall. I heard a loud thud as my head bounced off the concrete, my vision going into a blur. He did not relent, though, and began to pound me into the wall.

Before he could continue on with the third pound, someone tore him off me.

I watched through a hooded vision as Edward crouched, his back facing me, protective and snarling and so _furious _that I was reminded of the angel of death. Someone's arms pulled me away from him, and even though I made no noise as Garrett plunged me into the wall, I cried out, "Edward!"

_He may be injured if he attacks Garrett! Stop him, Bella! _I struggled with the strong arms, well-aware that someone – a girl – was yelling into my ear to 'knock it off.' I ignored her, focusing on Edward and his well-being only. My heart still pounded erratically in my chest, the need to bring Edward to safety so dominant that when I finally pushed the restraining arms away, I ran with such speed towards him.

What I did not anticipate was the fact that Garrett had been about to lunge at Edward.

The breath thrown out of me, I was slammed onto the asphalt with a force enough to hear a slight crack against my temple. My vision went black, and for awhile, the only thing I feared was not being able to see Edward safe and sound; I could feel Garrett's hands furiously searching for a place to vent his anger upon.

Distantly, apart from the ringing in my ears and the awful silence it represented, I heard a voice smooth as velvet yell my name, and Garrett's presence disappeared. _No, _I wanted to object, _don't hurt _him! _Don't hurt Edward!_

But I could barely lift my head.

I felt arms around me as I opened my eyes, panic settling when I could only see black. As the dark slowly molded into a blurred vision, I sighed in relief when the muting of voices turned into a louder atmosphere. I could hear shouting. I could feel familiar arms and hands as they fretted over my face and limp body.

And at the distant, I saw as Edward was pulled off from Garrett by Emmett and Jasper. He fought with them for a minute before his green emeralds steadied on me. And like a clichéd story, everything went away once again. Not a single bruise speckled his strong, masculine jaw. His clothes, albeit slightly stained with blood, seemed to be perfectly in place. His nostrils flared with madness, his green eyes wild and absolutely petrifying.

He was glorious.

And I was so wrong for him.

Indeed, how did a light-hearted start end with a brutal finish? My final thought as my eyes closed harbored along the lines of that sentiment. The heavy pressure in my head gave way, and I succumbed to the pain that only made its appearance in my head.

"I swear, Chief Swan, everything happened so suddenly . . . began to look for her when she didn't . . . fifteen minutes looking . . . saw her against the wall with _him _. . . crying . . . injured . . . I'm just so _sorry_, Chief Swan." Musical, silk-like voice whispered in misery from beside my head. They were broken words and sentences that I could not comprehend. I was awakening, though, but my eyes were still closed. The voice registered briefly in my mind as I tried to think through the black haze.

"Is that all? Are you sure nothing else happened?" My father's recognizable voice questioned.

"No, sir," his voice vowed deeply; strong and powerful, "that's everything."

Dad's voice this time was deeper and rougher like the grains of the earth as he whispered, "Thank you, son – for saving her."

"Sir, I didn't save her." The earlier voice said with silent fury and devastation, "I'm the one who got her here."

_No! _I protested in my mind. _It was me! I was the one who made the stupid decision! _I fought against the heavy bonds of my own mentality, trying hard to free myself, to tell Edward that it was not his fault. But lethargy was tightly secured around me. I could not find a hole in it; it was like a shield.

I could hear the accelerated beeping of a monitor near me as I tried so hard to snap away from the shield that stuck onto me like glue. I was pushing and tugging and pulling, using every last bit of my meager mental strength to break through. It was futile, but I kept on fighting until I heard both my father and Edward rushing out the door, shouting, "Doctor!"

A flurry of voices arrived next, and I could no longer hear neither of my dad nor Edward's voice. Someone injected a needle into my arm and I felt the slight pinch as it shot through my veins. In a matter of moments, the black cloud hovered once more, tightening its grip.

Finally submissive, I allowed myself to drift away.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Wow, I am completely blown away by the response I received from the last chapter! First, let me make a point clear: if you've ever found my writing too annoyingly eloquent, making Bella sound like a girl from the 1800s, then I'm sorry. I intended to write like that because I was imagining a girl who grew up with books like Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet, where the English language was nearly impossible to understand because of how eloquent is it. But now that she's getting better at being _herself _she's going to start speaking like a teen. I'm really sorry if I've turned off some of you for TBOA, but I'm glad I got the response I knew I was going to get. _

_And for those of you people who's interested - I've got a wattpad account going, with a story I'm currently working on. It's completely original, but I hope you guys will give it a try www . wattpad story / 1951927 - silent - wishes I'm new there, so please be patient with my social awkwardness. And while you're on wattpad, why not try one of my best friend's story? www . wattpad story / 2246571 - dear - diary_

_So what do you guys think of this new chapter? Was it bad or was it good? Hit the review button and tell me all about it - I've finally discovered how to respond to your reviews! Hooray! _

_-Serene. _


End file.
